


Trick of the Light

by kit_m_eastling



Category: The Who
Genre: Classic Rock, F/M, The Who - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:29:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 58,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26120431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kit_m_eastling/pseuds/kit_m_eastling
Summary: A John Entwistle Fanfiction, starring Nessa Hargreaves and the man himself........1980 - When a financially failing John Entwistle recruits 21 year old student Nessa to assist him, Nessa can't believe it. From the start she is entranced by the older man and thinks this is her big chance at a proper career.... but will the dark sides of the unsteady life of rock and roll take hold?Is John everything Nessa thought he was?
Comments: 10





	1. The Barracuda Inne

**Author's Note:**

  * For [To all my lovely readers](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=To+all+my+lovely+readers).



> To John Entwistle for your inspirational music and personality xx

In a large, spacious room complete with a full bar, a jukebox and pinball machine sat John Alec Entwistle.  
Nursing a generous glass of Southern Comfort, the thirty-five year old rock star - a multi-millionaire adored by fans worldwide - sat with tears pouring down his face.  
The Barracuda Inne was unusually quiet this evening and only the few regulars were slumped at various tables. The plaster fish hung from the ceiling, glassy eyes casting disconcerting gazes over the room.  
Seated directly opposite John Entwistle was Keith Altham. Keith was John's chauffeur, or 'handler' when necessary. John could be tough to bundle in the back of his Cadillac after a night's antics.   
Keith looked uncomfortable. "Awww, come on, John!" He wasn't used to seeing his employer expressing any other emotion than intoxicated hysteria. "What the hell is the matter?"  
John sniffed and downed the rest of his drink in one. Keith did a quick sum in his head. John had had four of those glasses this evening and the bloke was still stone cold sober. "Nothing."  
"Don't be a moron! You're bleedin' sobbing your eyes out. I don't know you as well as some people, John. But when someone is cryin' it usually means they're upset."  
The Inne was nearly empty now. Most of the regulars had disappeared now that it was past three in the morning. Only the cast fish kept John and Keith company.  
"I'm waiting!" Keith pressed as he watched John stare forlornly into his empty glass. He was trying to avoid the question. John had a worrying habit of suppressing his emotions which usually resulted in an eventual explosion of rage, terrifying for anyone to witness.  
"Well..." John answered slowly, clearing his throat. "Erm. You... you know how Alison and I split?"  
Keith looked surprised. "No?!"  
"Oh?"  
"I didn't realise! Sorry about that, mate."  
John waved his hand, dismissing the comment. "Don't be daft. I fucked it up. I really did. I was seeing this girl, Maxene in LA. Alison found out."  
"Oh, I am sorry though. She was a lovely girl."  
"She was..." John sighed glumly. "I didn't deserve her."  
There was an awkward silence and John swirled his glass round and round, the ice cubes clinking softly. "Has she... found anyone else?" asked Keith hesitantly.   
"Mick Bratby!" John said viciously, referring to one of the Who's staff. "Can you believe it?"  
Keith shook his head. "Well if he makes her happy, John."  
"I know I know!" He said and smiled weakly at Keith. "I just miss her, is all. I miss her a lot. And I wish I'd tried harder with little Chris.... he's too young to go through this."  
"Is he with Alison?"  
"Yes. But he visits on weekends. I just wish I could see him more often."  
Keith shut his mouth. He was happily married with kids and couldn't imagine what John and his family were going through. But however much he sympathised with Alison and Christopher, Keith's loyalty lay with his employer.  
"So what about this Maxene?" ventured Keith curiously. "Are you still seeing her?"  
"I see her and she reminds me of Alison!" John huffed, more tears glistening in his eyes. "I told her I could seen her once the divorce is settled.... but I just can't face the prospect of seeing her anymore."  
Keith silently handed over a crumpled tissue. "I haven't used it, I promise!"  
John tried to crack a smile but ended up in floods of tears.  
Patiently waiting while his companion mopped himself up, Keith suddenly had an idea.  
"John?"  
"Hmmm?"  
"I've just had a thought. What if we got you a PA?"  
John frowned. "I've got you? And the grounds keeper?"  
"I'm just the driver, John! I mean someone who can help run Quarwood while you're away and... err... help with money stuff?" Keith said this last part tentatively. Both men were well aware of John's extravagant spending tendencies and because of these, John was getting into more and more financial trouble.  
"Money stuff?" John grinned.  
"Sorry. I mean someone who's good with finances and things like that. I'm illiterate as fuck and can't even keep track of what I bought at the corner shop! I couldn't do that."  
"Well, if you're thinking an uptight accountant then think again," said John firmly. "I'm not sharing Quarwood with a ponce."  
Keith laughed. "I thought you'd say that! But now that I think about it, I know a person who might just be good for the job."  
"Oh?" replied John, tipping the last dregs of Southern Comfort down his throat.  
Keith nodded. "My goddaughter."

............................

There! A little introduction to my new creative streak! It may have been a little boring to begin with but hopefully it'll get a bit more juicy as more characters are introduced.  
I so wish I'd got to go the Barracuda Inne in its heyday. I love a good party. And just Quarwood in general. Just to look at that house would be an achievement. It's a beautiful building.

Kit xx🌹


	2. Loch Ness Monster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading.

"For God's sake!" Nessa yelled as she tripped over another easel. "Linda! Keep your damn stuff off the stairs!"  
She heard giggling from the kitchen. "And it's not funny!" She added. "I'm not risking writing a dissertation while suffering from a broken leg!"  
Nessa limped in to find Linda making breakfast.  
"Scrambled eggs?"  
"Ta," grinned Nessa and tied her hair back from her face. Her eyes bulged as she saw the time. "It's six o clock!"  
Linda tried to look nonchalant. "Yes?"  
"My lecture is at ten. We've got four bloody hours!"  
"Yes, but you take hours to get ready," grinned Linda and dodged the salt shaker that was thrown across the room. "Anyway, we're waiting for Kip to get back."  
"I thought he finished at five?" Nessa said and sat down at the table, rubbing her eyes.  
"Not today. He's on over time. More money for us then!" Linda pushed a plate of scrambled eggs towards her best friend. Nessa nodded her thanks and began eating.  
It was Friday. Nessa and Linda had one more lecture left until they finished for the term, although it meant they had to slog through months of writing their dissertations. Nessa only needed peace and quiet for a while - which was hard to come by in this often riotous farmhouse - and she could easily sail through the rest of her degree.  
The door opened. "Mornin' girls!"   
"Hello, babe!" Linda called and beamed soppily as Kip poked his blond head round the door. Kip (Keiran) Andersson was Linda's boyfriend and had been for the last three years. He was the classic Scandinavian: tall, blond and handsome with a beautiful personality. Nessa thought it would be murder living with a dating couple but despite a few 'noise disturbances', it was an idyllic setup.  
"Hiya Kip," said Nessa and mimed retching as Kip pulled his giggling girlfriend in for a sloppy kiss. "Save that for later when you don't smell of bin juice."  
"Ha ha ha!" said Kip and sniffed his uniform. "Can't smell a thing."  
"You've gone nose blind, you fool!" Linda laughed. "Two years of emptying bins had removed your smell receptors!"  
"Yes laugh you two!" Kip sighed and helped himself to some of Nessa's food. "And don't look at me like that, Nessie."  
"Nessa."  
"Nessie," confirmed Kip with a smirk. "In fact, I have photographic proof!" With that he shovelled a forkful of eggs into his mouth and ran from the room. Clattering could be heard through the walls.  
"What the hell is he up to?" Nessa demanded. Linda just shrugged. Clearly, only Linda seemed unfazed by her boyfriend's strange antics.   
"Aha!" The two girls heard Kip shriek from the other room and a second later his blond hair appeared back in the kitchen. He held a sketchpad in his hand.  
"Proof!" Kip crowed and shoved a picture in front of Nessa. On the page, in all its bug-eyed glory, was a crude cartoon depiction of the Loch Ness monster. Underneath was the caption 'Nessa Hargreaves sighted in famous loch'.  
Linda peered at it and collapsed in hysterics. Nessa however was not impressed. "Woken up early and mocked! In my own house!"  
"It's uncanny!" Kip said, looking at the picture in detail. "It looks just like you."  
Nessa got up from the table and set her empty plate in the sink. "Oh, go boil your head Keiran."  
"Don't call me that!" Kip shrieked as Nessa left the room.  
Further cackling continued as Ness entered her bedroom. She sat down in front of her dresser and stared at her reflection in the mirror.  
In the rush to get up and get dressed, Nessa's curly hair was sticking up in all directions and escaping the red velvet band she used to tie it back with. Sighing, she carefully applied her make up.  
Nessa Hargreaves was twenty-one. In her final year at the University of Gloucestershire, she felt like a true adult. Her degree dissertation was in the works and Nessa was confident she could succeed.  
A student of Accounting and Finance, she always wondered what she would do after she left university. Her mother had lectured her about this, her opinion being that she should have trained as a doctor as that resulted in a job. However, Nessa's heart lay with the high life. The prospect of hobnobbing with stars and celebrities always excited her... but when her rational mind kicked in she knew it was impossible. Her career path lead to a steady office job and a reasonable salary followed by marrying and settling down. Simple, uneventful and, to be frank, rather dull.  
"Agh, shit!" Nessa cursed as she smudged her mascara. She was inexperienced with cosmetics and only started using it about two years prior. It was an attempt to look older than her 21 years and badgering from Linda that cemented it.  
"No swearing please!" came Linda's cheerful voice and Nessa looked up to see her best friend standing in the doorway. Linda was wearing her bushy brown hair back with a colourful scarf and sported her usual denim dungarees.  
"Very seventies, Linda!" Nessa observed with a grin.  
"The seventies were only a year ago!"   
"Still. Times change!"  
"Oh hush. Do I look ok? I'm going out with Kip tonight."  
Linda looked anxiously at her best friend, soughting her approval. Nessa sighed. "You always look stunning and you know that."  
"But do you think it's too much?"  
"Don't be stupid. You look wonderful," Nessa confirmed and smiled as Linda came over and gave her a fierce hug. "I love you, Ness."  
"Don't be soft!"   
"But I do!" Linda laughed. "You look nice. Going anywhere?"  
"My lecture?"  
"You know what I mean," sighed Linda. "I mean dating."  
"You know I don't do that."  
"But-"  
"No!"  
"But I'm worried about you," she protested. "I don't want you like... like an old spinster!"  
Nessa giggled. "I'm twenty-one, Linda! I'm not quite spinster material yet."  
Linda pulled at Nessa's curly hair. "I know, but you should at least try a date? There are nice boys in your tutorials aren't there? What about, err, Nathan?"  
"Nathan is on bail from prison, Linda!" Nessa squealed and the two friends collapsed in laughter.   
When they'd calmed down, Linda started experimenting with Nessa's lipstick. "I'm serious though. Don't you even want to fall in love?"  
Nessa snorted. "I'm don't believe in it." Then she winced. "God, I sound like my mother!"  
"But would you?"  
"Fall in love? How should I know?! I'm still studying! I can't give that up."  
Linda shrugged. "Fair enough. But don't blame me if you don't find your Kip!"  
She flounced from the room, visibly annoyed. Suddenly she turned back round and threw an envelope onto Nessa's dresser. "This just came."  
Nessa sighed. Linda would be in a huff for the rest of the day which wasn't good news.  
She opened the letter.  
Dear Ness,  
How is my favourite goddaughter?! I hope your studies are going well (no bunking off, I hope!). My Sally is just starting secondary school and the girl is set on becoming a doctor, bless her.  
Anyway, I'm going to be in town next week and, as you may or may not be aware (depends if you look at your calendar!), it is mine and Audrey's wedding anniversary on the 17th.  
We're having a bash at the White Lionel on Cranfield Street so if you want to come along, please do! Bring your roommates too. Hope Kip and Linda are keeping well.  
The whole family will be there so it should be a right laugh. We've got a band and they may even play your beloved ABBA!  
Keep well, Nessie. I hope to see you there and if you need to ask anything, call me on 01902382701 (my number changed!).  
With love, Keith xx  
P.S It would be good if you did come. I have something to ask you.   
.........  
That was chapter 2!  
I know it's a bit of a slow start but we'll get there eventually!  
Kit xx🌹


	3. Face Dances

"Fuckin' pain in the backside!" muttered Roger as he threw down his microphone. The group had just finished rehearsing a new song and their newly recruited drummer - Kenney Jones - had taken off on an impromptu drum solo at the end.  
Pete looked impressed but Roger shook his head in disdain. Ever since the Who had made the difficult decision of hiring a new drummer immediately after their previous one's tragic death, things had been uneasy. Keith Moon was irreplaceable. However, as Pete kept telling Roger, they had to recruit someone and with Kenney's credentials they couldn't go wrong.  
But ever since the new Who went on the road and into the studio things felt different. Roger took it upon himself to put Kenney down and constantly remind him of his predecessor's talent compared to his.  
It made for a painful atmosphere.  
Kenney sighed and shook his head. He was getting used to being cut down by the singer and had to do what he always did: knuckle down and keep working.  
"Shut it!" Pete warned and set down his guitar. "If you keep pissing about I'm gonna punch you in the bloody mouth."  
Roger glared at Pete. "You are threatening to punch me?" Though Roger was considerably shorter than his bandmate, he had the reputation of being quite the fighter, nearly beating their previous drummer half to death on one occasion.  
John stepped in. "Oh, have a ceasefire, eh?" He nodded at Kenney sulking on his drum stool. "Just ignore him, Jones."  
Roger shot daggers at the bassist but sighed irritably and stormed off out of the studio. Pete growled viciously under his breath and began plonking out some passages on the piano.   
"He'll be back..." John muttered and began tuning his bass. It had been a long day at the studio and tensions within the Who were crippling.  
John felt more than ever that his input was being overlooked and the others - mainly Roger - were not taking him seriously. He had written numerous songs for their new album Face Dances but so far he'd been reluctant to share them with Pete and Roger, fearing they'd either mock them or disregard them entirely.  
"Are you alright, John?" Kenney asked, appearing at the bassist's side. Kenney was a kind soul and John felt sorry for him. The drummer tried desperately to be friendly with John and sometimes Pete. Just to have a friend or even an ally in the band he'd just joined was necessary to make things remotely bearable.  
John shrugged. "I'm not bad, Kenney."  
"It's... it's just you looked down...? Forgive me if I'm wrong, but-"  
"Deep in thought, mate. Deep in thought."  
Kenney nodded, not quite convinced, but he backed off. John was an enigma and he could be a little mystical and frustrating at times.   
However, John's answer was correct. All day and all week John had been brooding on his situation.  
His split from his wife of eleven years had killed him. Utterly killed him. The utter shame at himself for betraying Alison constantly ate at his mind and poisoned his thoughts.   
And now that he was slipping further and further into a financial black hole, he felt more miserable than he had in years.   
Roger entered the studio again with a face like thunder. "Right, I'm off. I'm going home."  
Pete gave him a withering stare, looking up from the piano. "We still have three more numbers to run through!"  
"I don't care!" spat Roger. "Anywhere is better than here." With that he strode out again, picking up his jacket on the way out. Pete banged on the keys angrily, creating a discordant chord that made them all wince. "If he's off then I'm off," said Pete and practically ran from the studio, leaving Kenney and John quite bewildered.   
Kenney rubbed the back of his neck. "Well... are you going then?"  
John thought. "Oh, I almost forgot. I'm going to Keith Altham's anniversary do."  
"Oh?"  
"Yeah, in Stow-on-the-Wold. Not much in the way of booze there, but I promised."  
"Well have a good time," Kenney said and the two bidded their goodbyes.  
John climbed in the back of his Cadillac and nodded to the driver. The chauffeur wasn't Keith today as he man himself was setting up the party back in Stow-on-the-Wold.  
As the trees raced by the windows, John began to think. Keith had said he would introduce his goddaughter to him: the financial expert.  
He had said she was a student at Gloucestershire university and had sorted out Keith's own monetary matters a few years back.  
John couldn't quite remember her name.  
When the pearl white Cadillac pulled up outside John's majestic home Quarwood he went straight inside and up to his room.  
He focused on finding his best suit and sorting out his tired looking face. John ways liked to look his best even if it was a simple get-together. Photographs of old times were places on shelves round the room. Pictures of John and the Who back in the early sixties, just starting out; stills of he and Alison on holiday in Wales; a touching family shot of John's son Christopher's birth and another of John posing proudly outside Quarwood.  
John didn't know why he filled the room with past memories as they seemed to upset him so often.... but he needed them there somehow. To remind him that, behind all the fame and money and extravagant spending and booze and drugs, he was human.  
.......  
Here's a new chapter!! I hope you enjoyed it. We've skipped forward a week to the day of Keith's anniversary party.  
What's going to happen next, I wonder?!  
Please vote and comment - it would mean a lot.  
Kit xx🌹


	4. Behind Blue Eyes

As Nessa scribbled some more notes into her diary, Kip poked his golden head round the door. "Looks good on you, Nessie!" He said, gesturing to the cream coloured dress that Nessa was sporting. She had gone for a low profile outfit but with the right amount of effort made for the occasion. Her caramel coloured hair was swept back into an intricate braid - done by Linda, as Nessa wasn't good with her hair - and secured with her usual red headband.  
While Nessa tried her hardest to blend in with the crowd at gatherings, Linda and Kip were the complete opposite. They were like two peacocks vying for attention.  
"That's very kind of you," laughed Nessa. "You're looking dapper yourself."  
Kip plucked at his navy blue suit jacket. "You don't think it's too much?"  
"No! Don't be silly. You look great."  
"I just hope I can make a good impression at the party," He went on. "Seeing as there's going to be a few famous faces."  
"Who do you mean?"  
"John Entwistle!"  
"One famous face then? Isn't he Keith's employer?"  
"How Keith got to work for the bassist of the Who, I'll never know. Lucky fool!" Kip shook his head. "Well, as I said, I hope I don't make a clown of myself!"  
Nessa was confused by his words. "Is that what you're worried about? Seeming stupid in front of some friends? You're the life and soul of the party, you and Linda are. You'll be fine! Everyone likes you, cos you're so likeable."  
Kip's face changed. Nessa pondered the expression, never seeing anything like it before.  
"Oh, good. I'd hate to be an insensible, foolish child, wouldn't I?"   
He grinned one last time and disappeared from view. Nessa frowned. What was he digging at? She gave it no more thought until she flipped back through her diary to find the address of the party venue.  
Beside the address were her usual notes of the day, mainly talking about her lectures and the perks liabilities of life with Linda and Kip.   
She read a particular paragraph and while doing so, frowned slightly. Something here wasn't right.   
.......  
"Come on, Ness!" Linda called to her best friend as they clambered out the car. It was half past eight and they had pulled up outside the White Lion on Cranfield Street, music already seeping out from the large double doors. Delicious smells and happy laughter crowded their senses as they pushed open the doors and were immediately welcomed by the ruddy face of Keith Altham.  
"Nessa!" He exclaimed and pulled his goddaughter into a fierce hug. Nessa squealed in delight and hugged him back, laughing. "It's so good to see you, Keith!"  
"My, you look extraordinary!" He said and grinned at Kip and Linda. "You must be the terrible twosome!" He shook them both by the hand. "I've heard much about you two!"  
"All good things I hope!" Linda giggled and gently nudged her best friend in the ribs.   
"They'd better be all good things," said Kip quietly, his sapphire eyes boring into Nessa's. Linda looked oblivious.  
"All good things indeed!" boomed Keith, clapping a hand down on Kip's shoulder. "I heard you're a swimmer?"  
"Well, I used to but -"  
"Oh don't be modest!"  
The two men walked away together, talking amiably. Linda and Nessa stood awkwardly by the door. "Do you know anyone here?" asked Linda.  
"I know Audrey," Nessa replied, pointing to the red head over on the other side of the room. "And Keith's boss is here... but apart from that, no!"  
Linda pulled the front of her dress down, showing more snowy white chest than necessary. "Right then," she giggled confidently. "Time to make some friends."  
Before Linda made a beeline for a group of good looking young men, Nessa stopped her. "Lin. I... is it me or is Kip acting a bit weird?"  
"Hmmm?" Linda said, not paying attention, her eyes fixed on the group of boys. "What?"  
"It's just he was...." Nessa began but gave up. "Never mind. I'll see you in a bit, yeah?"  
But Linda was gone. Nessa stood awkwardly in the centre of the room, playing with her hair self-consciously. She felt out of place. The room was packed full of friends and family of Keith but Nessa didn't know anyone. She had always been shy at parties or gatherings and always spoke when spoken to.   
Among the throngs of party-goers stood a table of drinks. Feeling thirsty, Nessa carefully dodged round numerous people and made towards the table.  
She poured herself a glass of red wine and jumped about a foot in the air as she was knocked back a step. Her drink slopped over the glass and onto her dress. "Oh, bloody hell!" She mumbled and mopped at the stain with a napkin.  
"I'm so sorry about that, Miss."  
Nessa looked round to see a man standing next to her looking apologetic. "I wasn't looking where I was going. Oh, your dress!" He sounded horrified with himself.   
Nessa shook her head. "Don't fret! I shouldn't have worn this colour to party," she dabbed at the white (now mottled pink) material. "I should've know better."  
The man didn't move. "Can I get you another drink? Or a jacket to cover it up or something?"  
He was very tall, a good head taller than Nessa with jet black hair combed back from his face. His beard was black too, but he had intense, bright blue eyes. He wore a smart, navy blue jacket with a shirt and tie but paired with jeans. Smart but casual. Seeing people like this always made Nessa feel overdressed.  
"No, don't be silly!" said Nessa. "It's nearly gone now, anyway."  
When the man looked doubtful, Nessa sighed. "To be honest, you've done me a favour. I bloody hate dressing up!"  
The man cracked a beautiful smile and he laughed softly. "Well, I think you look lovely. It's just a shame I had to go and spoil it! I'm John, by the way."  
Nessa gently shook his outstretched hand. Hers was small in his. "Nessa."  
Kip watched silently from a corner, sapphire eyes glinting in the dim light.  
.......  
Breakthrough! I'm casting Paul Nicholas as Kip hahaha I love that actor😊  
Hope you liked this one. So John and Nessa have finally met, eh?  
What do you think?  
Feel free to comment - I'd love to know if you're enjoying the story.  
Kit xx🍀


	5. Frida, Angnetha and Bjorn

John made his way through the bustle of the dancefloor, trying not to draw unwanted attention. He was trying to resist the urge to stare after Nessa. He'd done it after she'd first walked away and she turned round to look at him quizzically, blushing slightly.

Nessa had youthful beauty and spirit and a true flair for conversation. Through the five minutes they'd stood talking, John had found himself transfixed by her. Clearly she didn't recognise him at all and this put John at ease, knowing she'd have no prejudices about him. John knew he could be a callous and blunt individual, even cruel and spiteful at times, but upon meeting young Nessa - who had no idea about his character - he couldn't help feeling like he'd been granted a fresh start.

But who was he kidding? He was clearly taken by the beautiful, doe-eyed brunette but he had to be at least twice her age. At thirty-five, John had to admit he was getting on in life. Surely Nessa had a boyfriend? A girl like her must have. It would be strange not to.

After the incident involving the spilled wine, Nessa had waved it off, seemingly pleased to have an excuse to not wear the dress. When the two had parted she had gone off and talked to Audrey, appearing ten minutes later in a fresh, clean, low-cut red dress. John's heart had leapt about a foot in the air and had spent several moments trying to compose himself.

"JOHN!"  
John looked round to see a ruddy-faced Keith staggering towards him. As his chauffeur reached him, the overpowering aroma of alcohol hit John like a slap in the face.  
"HOW ARE YOU?" roared Keith, showing off his tendency to shout when he was drunk. Did intoxication cause temporary deafness? John didn't know. He had been drunk enough times to safely say that this interesting affliction didn't affect him.  
"Hello, Keith," said John and placed a steadying hand on his shoulder. "Haven't you had enough now?"  
"That's rich coming from you!" snorted Keith, right on the bat though the man was beyond tipsy.  
"Fuck off. So. Are you going to introduce me to your goddaughter?"  
"Oh, John!" Keith said, sweeping motions with his arms, nearly knocking John clean out. "I'll tell you! She's amazing! I mean that. She's a genius! She sorted my debts out, you know?"  
"So you've said."  
"And she's beautiful! I always said she got her looks from Audrey and I..."  
"But you're not related to her."  
Keith burped, ignoring John. "She'll sort yours out in no time! And she's beautiful, you know?"  
"Again, you have mentioned this," sighed John and began carefully leading Keith towards his poor wife. Audrey turned round from talking to a group of friends. Her face clouded over. "God struth, Keith!" she slapped him lightly on the face. "Only eleven o clock and you're already sozzled! You moron!" But she ruffled his hair affectionately. John could see she was a little over the limit herself. But he had to give in. It was their anniversary.  
"John wants to meet Nessa!" Keith said, downing yet another glass of brandy.  
John stared at Keith. "Nessa?"  
"Yes, my goddaughter. We were just talking about her, you idiot!"  
"You never told me her name!"  
"I thought you knew!"  
"No! I didn't. I... I mean. I have already-"  
But John was cut off. The room suddenly erupted in cheers and the lights went down except for the brightly lit stage at the back of the room where the band had been playing. The stage itself was a small affair: only a few metres across, barely enough room for the band. But the band had crammed themselves into the corner of the stage to make room for the three people who stood in the centre.  
"There she is!" Keith pointed to the young girl standing on the left. "That's our Nessa!"  
John watched curiously. Nessa was standing beside another pretty brunette wearing a headscarf, and next to her was a tall, gangling blond-haired lad with a navy blue suit similar to John's. Feeling rather self-conscious, John shrugged off his jacket, leaving him in his shirt.  
The girl in the headscarf was clutching a microphone. "Hello, everyone!" she said, looking surprised at the volume of her voice through the speakers. "I'm Linda! This is Nessa, and this is Kip," she said, gesturing to her friends. The blond boy - Kip - waved confidently, grinning profuself. Nessa looked extremely shy, nodding her head in acknowledgement. John suddenly felt a strange urge to go and comfort her.... But he swatted the thought aside.  
"We hope you're enjoying the party!" Linda continued and the room clapped their response. "For you all now, in honour of the lovely Keith and Audrey, we're going to sing for you!"  
Keith raised his glass of brandy high in the air which immediately spilled directly onto his hair and shirt. Audrey shrieked and ran off to fetch a towel, drawing attention to the small group. Linda and Kip laughed but Nessa caught John's eye.   
It was a long moment. The two seemed locked in each other's gaze and John felt as if he could stay like this forever. The deep maroon colour of Nessa's dress enriched the beautiful colour of her wavy hair, now lovely and loose upon her shoulders. The effect was mesmerising. She did not smile but her eyes did all the work, wide with curiosity and innocence.   
At long last, Nessa smiled. And John's heart began beating rapidly, sending shivers down his spine. How long had it been since he'd felt like this?

Audrey came back with the towel and began furiously mopping at her husband, who stood there grinning like a fox.  
Kip took the microphone from Linda. He had all the false charm and shiny white toothiness of an American television host. "Evening, all you lovely people. I am honoured to be here tonight. As the beautiful Linda said - " he began, shooting a soppy grin in Linda's direction. " - we're going to sing a few numbers for you." Then he winced. "I'm going to warn you all now, none of us are professional musicians!"  
A hearty laugh came from the audience. Some muttered their appreciation for the young lad's way with the audience. John saw him as a natural speaker.  
Linda butted in. "Nessa is!"  
"No I'm not!" Nessa spoke onstage for the first time, looking mightily embarrassed. John was very intrigued. Could this beautiful girl be a musician like him? Then, thinking he'd missed it for it was so quick, he saw Kip's face briefly contort into a scowl and roll his eyes. But as soon as he locked on to the expression, John saw it fade. And Kip was back to grinning.  
"Yes you are!" persisted Linda, taking Nessa's hand."You trained at school, remember?"  
"It was only for a few years!" Nessa said.  
"Don't be so modest," Kip said firmly and gently pushed Nessa to the front of the stage and handed her a second microphone. "You can do a solo."  
Nessa looked mortified. "Oh, please! I... I can't!"  
Linda looked reproachfully at Kip. "Don't make her, Kip! We'll do our trio then maybe she can sing?" she looked at her friend for her opinion. Nessa nodded slowly, not totally sure.  
John meanwhile was frozen in wonder. Did she sing too? He hadn't taken his eyes off Nessa since he'd seen Kip scowl and he was transfixed by her beauty. The way her hair fell in curly waves to her shoulders, her large, doe-like eyes, the way her dress accentuated her curves....

"JOHN!" Keith prodded John hard on the shoulder, jerking him from his trance. "Did you know Nessa is a singer?"  
"No, I didn't," said John faintly, watching as the band began playing an upbeat introduction to a song that he vaguely recognised. Linda and Kip were prancing around on the floor like natural born pop stars and joined in in harmony as the drums pounded on in the background.  
John willed for Nessa to show courage, watching her look like a deer in the headlights. But as soon as Kip and Linda had finished the first verse, Nessa raised the microphone to her lips.

"I was so lonesome, I was blue  
I couldn't help it, it had to be you and I,  
Always thought you knew the reason why....."

Her voice was pure and strong, easily rising above the tones of Linda and Kip. She stood at the centre of the stage with newfound confidence, smiling slightly as she sang. Keith and Audrey clapped along and the rest of the crowd had begun to dance. John was dumbfounded.

"I only wanted a little love affair  
Now I can see you are beginning to care  
But baby, believe me, it's better to forget me!"

The saxophone player in the band stood up, taking a solo, and everyone laughed as Kip began swing dancing with Linda. Nessa stood there grinning shyly, laughing at her friends.  
Keith clapped John on the shoulder. "I told you she was a good singer!"  
"No you didn't!"  
"Err, I did!" Keith reprimanded, his glass of brandy dangerously close to spilling again in his gesticulating hands. "I said she's good at everything! She'll make the best financial advisor you've ever had."

John suddenly remembered that the beautiful young girl standing singing her heart out on stage was probably soon going to be his latest staffing addition. The thought of closely conferring and planning with Nessa stirred long-forgotten feelings in John's heart. By the second, John was falling deeply in love with the girl and he had only talked to her for five minutes.... It was a strange, childish feeling, but it excited him.

Then the doubts began clawing at his mind.

Would she accept this position? Could she take on a reckless character like him? She was so young with her whole life ahead: a life of success, a family, a happy ending. John and his world could potentially take this all away from her.

John didn't know what to think. But as he listened to the crowd roar their approval for Nessa, watched her take a shy bow and look over and smile sweetly at him, he knew he couldn't let this one go.  
.............................

How did you like that?!  
I had a lot of fun writing this, I must say. I've got this cool idea, right? Whoever guesses the song from the lyrics from the story gets an imagine just for them!!!!!! (don't bother putting the band, cos I probably already gave that away at the beginning hahaha)  
No cheating :) 🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶  
Please comment your answer and I'll have an imagine up in the next few days just for you.  
Good luck.  
Kit xx🍀


	6. Formalities

Nessa lay peacefully on her bed, absent-mindedly stroking her cat's head. Lyle, who had been looked after by Nessa for several years, was a shaggy brown thing with large, golden eyes and one slightly chewed ear.

Being a rescue moggy, he was temperamental and moody but at times he could be the best of companions.

He lay on Nessa's chest, purring contentedly.

On the bed beside Nessa sat her diary, open at the latest entry. It was about three o clock in the afternoon and she'd had a lot to write about from the night before. Her red dress was neatly folded over the back of a chair while the wine-soaked cream one was thrown carelessly into a corner. The stain would likely remain there forever but Nessa didn't mind.

It served as a reminder of the man she'd met just over twelve hours ago....

John Entwistle.

Only minutes after she'd finished her stint on stage, Keith had waylaid her and drunkenly introduced her to John. Rather awkwardly, she had said they'd already met, but not formally.

John had played along with Keith, introducing himself to Nessa and relating about his position and relationship with Keith.

Keith had then asked a question.

A question which greatly surprised Nessa and left her with a strange decision to make.

"Nessie?"

It was Linda calling up the stairs. "Could you come downstairs, please?"

Nessa reluctantly shoved Lyle off her lap, stretched and made her way down the stairs, leaving her diary open on the bed.

She found Linda by the front door talking to someone. "Ah, here she is," she said and pulled Nessa over by the hand.

Standing just outside were Keith and John. Nessa blushed profusely and cleared her throat. "H-hello!"

Keith pulled his goddaughter into a hug. "You'll be pleased to know that I'm not drunk!" He said, laughing heartily. "I had a fucking awful hangover this morning but I think it's gone now! How are you anyway, dear?" He held Nessa at arm's length. "You look a bit tired."

Nessa smiled weakly. "I'm alright, Keith. I just went to bed a bit late, that's all!"

She then smiled shyly at John, realising it was the first time she'd seen him in daylight. The sun cast a pleasing shine on his coal black hair and highlighted the cornflower blue of his eyes. He wore a dark grey blazer with a maroon coloured shirt, black trousers and immaculate, polished black Cuban heeled boots. John seemed to dress to perfection even when not attending parties. He looked incredibly handsome and Nessa looked away, her heart racing.

"Hello, Nessa," John said softly and ducked his head to meet her gaze, which she returned, blushing still.

Linda eyed them both suspiciously, grinning.

Keith stepped boldly through the front door. "Where's your lovely man, then?" He asked Linda.

Almost immediately, Kip appeared on the stairs, blond hair wet from the shower. "Good afternoon, Keith!"

Keith met Kip jovially, the two now thick as thieves, and walked into the kitchen where Linda began to fill the kettle.

This left Nessa and John alone in the hallway.

They stood just a metre apart and Nessa feared that the older man would hear her rapid heartbeat through her blouse.

"You sang beautifully yesterday," John said, turning to look at her. "I didn't know you sang. Keith didn't tell me much about you."

Nessa's face split into a smile. "Th-that's so kind of you, Mr Entwistle. I don't usually do it in public but I had fun last night."

Tilting his head to the side, John regarded her softly. "Since when did you start calling me that, hmm?"

Nessa blushed. "Oh! Oh, I'm sorry... I just thought it would be professional considering I'm going to be working for you...?"

There was a small silence. After Keith had made the proposition to Nessa about becoming John's financial advisor, Nessa had initially jumped at the chance.

An opportunity to demonstrate her skills and to gain life experience seemed like the best idea but Nessa still wasn't sure.

She was still young and slightly intimidated by the older man and he had made quite the impression on her, though Nessa never usually sought the attention of men.

But there was something different about John that Nessa just couldn't quite place.

Maybe it was his age? His personality? The strange magnetic effect he seemed to have on her?

John gently patted her shoulder, his touch shocking both of them. "I'd love you to work for me, sweetheart. But I don't like professionalism! Please. Call me John. I'd feel much better that way."

Sweetheart. Nessa felt her heart leap at that word and cursed herself for blushing.

John saw her cheeks turn crimson and smiled sweetly, his gaze gentle and non-judgemental. He opened his mouth to speak. Nessa found herself admiring the precise contours of his beard... an odd observation, she chided herself, but the coal-black hair provided a striking contrast to the milky complexion of his skin..... Plus it made him look incredibly handsome...

"John! Nessa!" Keith called from the kitchen. "Come on! We have business to discuss!"

The pair quickly realised that John's hand was still on Nessa's shoulder and he removed it, the two of them looking awkward. Ness cursed herself for staring. But she couldn't help it.

Joining the others in the kitchen, they sat down opposite each other. This was not exactly ideal because Nessa was forced to avoid his gaze, for fear of blushing. Those blue, blue eyes.....

Kip handed round mugs of tea and sat down, he and Linda looked at the other expectantly. Nessa hadn't mentioned Keith's proposition to either of them.

"Well, then!" Keith said, grinning at the table of friends. "Isn't this nice?"

John rolled his eyes. "Cut the formalities, Keith!"

"Sorry. Anyway, has Ness told either of you about what I asked?" he asked Kip and Linda. They shook their heads.

"Aren't you secretive, eh?" Keith nudged his goddaughter. "I offered Ness a job."

Linda looked puzzled. "She's at university!"

"I know that. This isn't really a.... A formal job," Keith replied. "It's more of a favour, right John?"

Nodding, John smiled nervously at Kip and Linda. "Did we meet yesterday? I'm John." He shook their hands. "I'm.... I'm a big fan!" said Kip, looking rather starstruck. "Could I possibly get an autograph? Please? You don't have to!" he gabbled, Linda hitting him gently on the shoulder.

John laughed and deftly scribbled his name on a slip of paper that Kip had cautiously pushed towards him. Looking delighted, Kip tucked the paper in his pocket.

"Nice to see you young fan!" smiled Keith. "John is at the centre of this job, you see."

"I'll explain, Keith," said John. He looked a little uncomfortable. "I have been in need of... help. I have recently found myself in financial difficulty."

"Really?!" Kip and Linda exclaimed. "You're famous!"

"Well, it seems strange but it's happened!" shrugged John, taking a sip of his tea. "And Keith suggested I consult Nessa as you're a finance student, aren't you?" he said, looking at Nessa. She nodded.

"Keith has told me that Nessa could help sort out my situation. I know it's a lot to ask of her but I have a feeling that she can do it," he smiled gently at Nessa from across the table. Linda looked delighted and tapped Ness's foot under the chair. Nessa shot a fearsome glare at her friend.

"Ness won't be away long!" Keith said and Kip and Linda looked startled.

"Away? She has to move?"

"Not for long!" Keith assured. "She will have to live nearby John's place about ten miles away."

Nessa looked up sharply. "Live with him?" Then she winced. She didn't mean to sound fierce. "Live nearby, love," John said.

"John has houses on his estate," said Keith, seemingly unfazed by the clash. "We found a nice one for you!"

"Wow! Luxury living!" whistled Linda. "Is your estate really big, John?"

"It's rather magnificent, I must admit!" John smiled.

Nessa's head was reeling. She didn't expect this to be part of the bargain! How could she bear it? Being in his company every day.... Conferring and planning with him..... It was too much. She had only known John for about twelve hours and already she was going to live with him!

"Wait!"

Four pairs of eyes stared at Nessa. She had a strange look on her face and Linda took her hand. "You can say no, sweetie."

"I... I don't know!" said Nessa, gripping his mug of tea tightly with both her hands. "I don't want to seem rude, Keith and John. But it's all a bit sudden."

"What do you mean, my girl?" Keith exclaimed. "I thought you'd jump at the chance!"

"I'm not saying no," Nessa said quickly. "I'm just trying to wrap my head around it."

"You're insane, Ness!" Kip chipped in. "I'd go for it in a heartbeat."

Linda scoffed. "You're a binman, Kip. They wouldn't ask you." They scowled at each other. Nessa held her breath. Over the last day or so she had sensed a shift in their behaviour. They were volatile and prone to unnecessary arguments. But Nessa didn't worry: it happened all the time. They'd be thick as thieves in no time.

"Come on, Nessie!" Keith said. "I know you'll love it! Wait until you see John's house. Then you'll change your mind." Then he looked at John for confirmation. "Shall we go over there now? Have a look round?"

"Can we come?" Linda asked excitedly.

"I don't see why not," Keith smiled. He stood up from the table, brandishing his car keys. "Come on, kids."

Nessa hung back while Kip and Linda followed Keith into the hall. John watched her carefully. "Are you alright?"

Looking up at him with wide eyes, she shrugged. "I don't really know.... I know I keep saying that, but it's all just so unexpected. First I was at university, then I'm about to work for a rock star."

John laughed. "That's life, Nessa! It can't be too bad a change, can it? Oh, let's go. Keith is getting impatient. Have you been in a Cadillac before?"

Nessa stared at him. "No?!"

"Well, off you go. I think you'll like it!" he grinned and followed her out of the door where Kip and Linda's excited faces were sticking out of the window of a beautiful, sleek, impossibly long snow-white car.


	7. Quarwood

"Holy shit!" Kip exclaimed as he climbed out of the car. He nearly stumbled, not looking where he was going. His - and Linda's and Nessa's - eyes were fixed in wonder on the magnificent building towering above them.

Quarwood was a vast, gothic type building with spectacular turrets and sea-green ivy clambering up the pale walls. It took up an enormous amount of space but seemed positively dwarfed by the monumental sweep of gardens surrounding it. There was an entire woodland behind the house and a lake at the front. Marble steps lead up to the large, oak doors and - as a distinctly gothic addition - large, black iron gates and snarling gargoyles staring down from tall plinths.

Every square inch screamed MONEY.

Nessa stared open-mouthed at the sight, wondering how she'd missed this place while on her nightly walks. It only seemed about fifteen minutes in the car down the road.... but yet she'd never even known it was there! 

She had had some inkling of the extent of John's riches just from riding in his car. The snow-white Cadillac was about eighteen feet long and drove like a dream. Nessa found herself absent-mindedly stroking the butter soft leather of the upholstrey and gazing around in wonder. If John had enough money to buy this beautiful machine (and he had told Kip proudly that he owned three), how would his estate compare?

The result was staring her in the face.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Linda breathed. She was shielding her face with her hand from the sun which hovered directly above the magnificent house. "You lucky bastard."

"I haven't said yes yet!" snapped Nessa. "I don't just say yes to working for strange ageing rockstars! I have to uphold my reputation."

Linda snorted. "What reputation?! You're a student, Ness! You've got no reputation! This guy is fucking rich! Look at where you're going to live!"

"You want to get rid of me this way, huh?" Nessa said, forcing a grin. "So you and Kip can turn our house into domestic bliss?"

"Shut it!" Linda laughed and slung her arm round her friend. They followed John and Keith, who were deep in conversation with Kip. Kip was bounding around like a child, eyes wide with amazement. He even let out an excited yelp as they reached the huge oak doors.

"Quarwood," Nessa read off the gleaming iron plaque to the side of the door.

"I didn't name it," said John, smiling at her. "I worry about what I'd call it. Probably best it stays this way!"

He pulled a ring of keys from his pocket and opened the door with a loud clank of metal. The group stepped inside, mouths open in shock and wonder.

"That's Quasi," said John and gestured to a bizarre sculpture. A papier-mache figure hung on a rope suspended from a crystal chandelier. Linda stared at it in disgust, flicking it with her finger. She leaned into Nessa. "This guy is crackers. Look!" she then squealed, pointing to a life-size shark model nailed to the wall, mouth agape, revealing rows of razor sharp teeth. Its eyes bulged from its great head, casting a discerning gaze over the guests.

"He's a little eccentric, kids!" Keith whispered cheerfully after seeing their faces. "A very lovely man, but he likes his money." He dug Nessa in the ribs. "That's where you come in, Nessie!"

"I haven't said yes yet!" Nessa hissed irritably.

"You will," Keith said impassively and followed John into an extraordinarily large kitchen. A huge, polished oak table stretched from one end to the other, upon which sat a crystal vase filled with dahlias. Nessa allowed herself a rare smile. Those were her favourite flowers. As Kip, Linda and Keith raided the enormous fridge for coke and cold pizza, Nessa hung back and the hairs on the back of her neck stood on end. Someone was standing right behind her.

"How do you like Quarwood, Nessa?" John asked, looking at her expectantly. He had removed his blazer, leaving him in his dark red shirt. Nessa suddenly noticed how big John was. Not fat, but tall and imposing, muscular. His shirt seemed a little small for him, only enhancing the effect. A strange thought occurred to Nessa - everything about John and his world was BIG: the house, the car, the money, him as a person.... she realised that taking on this job would be a task.

Nessa blinked, quite speechless from the calming gaze of his ice-blue eyes. "I-I think it's... very large..." she finally said and began laughing at her own awkwardness. "Sorry. It's so overwhelming, y'know. It's magnificent."

"I like it very much," John said. "But I can see you're a bit... shocked? Is something wrong, love?"

Nessa cursed herself for looking so surprised and speechless. "It's nothing, Mr Entwistle. I am just a bit flustered."

"It's John. I understand. I'm not pressuring you into this," he explained, removing a packet of cigarettes from his pocket. "I just need a bit of help. You want one?" he added, offering the pack to Nessa. 

"No thank you. I don't smoke," she said, eyeing the cancer sticks with what she hoped was masked disdain. It turned out to not be very masked.  
John chuckled softly, lighting up. "Ah, Little Miss Innocent. You're going to go a long way."

"I'm not a child!" Nessa mumbled indignantly, walking away and sitting down next to Linda who had a mouthful of cold pizza. "He is fuckin' crackers," she said glumly, leaning close to Linda so John couldn't hear her. "He's treating me like I'm five years old! I'm not taking this job to be mollycoddled and fed porridge from a plastic spoon!"

Linda stared at her, then at John, then back at Nessa. "He's not looking at you like you're a child, Ness. Have you seen the way he's been looking at you?"

"No! What do you mean?"

"What I mean is that - "

"Right" Keith interrupted, clapping his hands. Sat in front of him on the table was a sheaf of papers. "Let's get this over with. Then we can get hammered!"

"Cheers to that!" chorused Linda and Kip. Nessa rolled her eyes. She glanced quickly at John who was sat next to Keith, cigarette delicately held between his thumb and forefinger, the smoke curling upwards towards the ceiling. His blue eyes were glassy, distant, and then snapped back into focus as he suddenly locked gazes with Nessa. She looked away quickly, face flushing red.

Keith picked up the first sheet of paper, passing it along the table to Nessa. "John and I drafted this up a few weeks ago."

"This has been in the works for a long time, has it?" Nessa asked, a little miffed.

"It has, sweetie," Keith said. "I'm sorry we didn't consult you earlier, but John is even in need of assistance. We were going to ask you a long time ago for some simple financial jobs but you are needed much more urgently now."

"How much are you in debt?" Nessa said to John. "You rockstars must be rather apt at losing money."

Linda gasped at her friend's blatant statement and accusation but John didn't bat an eyelid. "I'm... thousands under. Hundreds of thousands. I spend about five times as much as I earn, you see. I have a litter, err, problem with money!" he added, grinning sheepishly. "I should have done something about it years ago. Alison said I should but I didn't listen."

"Alison?"

"My ex-wife."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"Don't be," he replied a little sharply. "Anyway, the Who are planning another tour later in the year and that should bring in some cash."

"Oh, where are you touring?!" Kip asked, downing his second can of cola. "I'd love to see you all perform!"

"The States, then onto Europe," John said. "But after the money comes in I just blow it all."

"What we'd do with all that cash, eh Ness?" laughed Linda. "I'd buy a bigger house!"

"I think I'd be a bit lost with all that money," Nessa mused. "I wouldn't know what to do with myself."

"You sit there and stew until someone comes along and helps," came the reply from John, tapping the end of his cigarette against the rim of a glass ashtray. "Like you."

"I haven't said - "

"Yes, we know, we know!" sighed Keith and shoved more of the papers towards his goddaughter. "Now, if you please, missy. Could you have a quick read of these conditions."

Nessa let her eyes scan over the page, Kip and Linda reading over her shoulder. "Six month job?" she asked. "Is that all?"

"Keep reading."

"Live on site with daily sessions of going through bills and records....." Nessa mumbled. She wasn't too excited about this job. Although it was a truly amazing house, this job was just going to be her filing through hundreds of accounts and records to attempt to keep John in the black. "Banking statements, orders, etc...." 

There were various boring statements about requesting leave and wanting to quit, but Nessa's eyes widened as a certain paragraph caught her eye. "I have to look after Quarwood when you're on tour?"

"Yes," saidohn. "My groundskeeper will help keep you right."

"I don't know what to do with a place like this!" Nessa said. "I can't possibly look after it by myself... it'll fall down."

"You'll do a great job, love. I've got other staff on site too. You'll just be doing odd jobs."

"But it coincides with her graduation from university!" Linda said in surprise "She can't miss that!"

"Can't she?" Keith asked, perplexed. "It's just a party, isn't it?"

"Excuse me?" Linda and Nessa said simultaneously. 

"Keith," John said gently. "Maybe we could ask someone else to help out? I wouldn't want Nessa to miss it."

"Fine then!" Keith admonished, scoring a line through a paragraph. Then he smiled weakly at Nessa. "Sorry love. We're just a bit stressed out."

Nessa waved a hand. "No problem. And WHAT?" she suddenly gasped as she flipped the page over. "How much?!"

"Fifty thousand."

"I can't take that much!" Nessa said shrilly as Linda grabbed the page. "Look what they're going to pay me!"

"They're paying you that much? Girl, you've got to take it!" She was looking at Nessa pleadingly. "Think of the renovation we could do!"

John laughed. "If you or Kip want to help out we can give you that amount. Each."

Kip looked as if he might faint but Nessa set the page down in disgust. "I'm sorry, Mr Entwistle. But I can't possibly take that much money... I'm supposed to be helping you save money!"

"NESSA!" Kip and Linda whined.

John tilted his head to the side, puzzled. "But I can't let you take this without a reward! Please.... I really need your help." He suddenly looked helpless. Despite the enormous house and crystal chandeliers and the Cadillacs and the posh clothes.... this was a man with needs. Keith had told Nessa privately not long ago that John was in desperate need of help: he was lonely and in debt and couldn't look after Quarwood - or even himself - on his own. His eyes were sad and the lines creasing his face showed weeks of fatigue and worry and stress. Nessa wasn't so cold-hearted as to abandon a friend in need.

Nessa took a deep breath. "I'll do it. Your job. I will help you. But I have one condition."

"Anything!" John said, a smile etched on his face, his eyes lighting up.

"I get to bring Lyle with me."


	8. She's Leaving Home

"I think that's it done, Mr Entwistle!" said Maisie chirpily, poking her head through the kitchen door. John looked up from his newspaper, stubbing his cigarette in the ashtray. "Oh, good. Thank you. Do you mind if I come and have a look at it?"

Maisie looked slightly unnerved. "Oh, I assure you, Mr Entwistle! I've done my absolute best to make sure it's clean and tidy - "

John stood up, smiling at the old woman. "Don't worry, Maisie! It's nothing of the sort! I only want to have a look. I always love the job you do in those houses." The flattery worked and Maisie relented. "Well, alright. But if you see anything out of place then please let me know! I only want the best for your new staff."

She turned on her heel and John followed her out of the door, dodging Quasi hanging limply from the ceiling. John wondered if he should take it down. He didn't want Nessa thinking she was coming to live at a madhouse. Making their way down the driveway towards the small cluster of cottages by the entrance gates, the potent smell of the rose bushes made John's head swim. He had asked the gardener to plant them but he worried if Nessa had hayfever.

"Here we are, Mr Entwistle!" Maisie said, pushing open the wooden door of the first cottage on the right: Little Quarwood. The naming had been a bit of a joke as the cottage was tiny and was nowhere near as majestic or spacious as its neighbour. John had initially been worried about its condition - its peeling paint and grubby windows were rather off-putting - but once he stepped inside he saw the true beauty of it.

"I put the flowers on the table as you asked, Mr Entwistle!" said Maisie, delicately arranging the beautifully coloured dahlias on the desk in their vase. "I do hope you approve. Does the new advisor like flowers?"

"I believe she does," answered John, trying to remember all Keith had told him about Nessa. He looked around appreciatively. The interior of Little Quarwood was lovingly furnished with a comfy sofa draped in a multi-coloured rug, a desk and chair, a tiny kitchen and one bedroom and bathroom. The low ceiling and dark wood of the walls gave it a rustic, comfortable atmosphere and a small fire could be lit in case of cold weather. It may have been the smallest cottage on the estate - the cheapest too - but what Maisie and the staff had done was incredible.

"It's perfect, Maisie, thank you!" John said with a smile and Maisie beamed proudly.

"Nothing a little spring cleaning can't do!" she said modestly, patting down her silvery hair. "When is the dear coming?"

"Later this evening," John replied, hardly believing his words. So soon.... "I'm pleased this all ready for her!"

"Will you be needing a meal prepared later, Mr Entwistle?" Maisie asked, pulling out a notebook from the pocket of her apron. "I can ask Gerry to whip something up...?"

John waved his hand. "I have something else in mind, thank you, Maisie. You and Gerry can do home early if you like? I think we've got it all sorted."

"Oh, well, thank you very much! " said Maisie. "If you're absolutely sure I won't be needed?"

"You have done more than enough!" John smiled. "We can manage."

Then Maisie frowned slightly. "Does she know about the new advisor? She was worried it might interfere with her work?"

"She has a name, Maisie," John chided gently. "And no: Nessa's duties will not get in the way of her work. I know they will get along just fine."

"I never said they wouldn't," Maisie said stiffly and cleared her throat. "I'm just saying that she has been coming to me with complaints. You know how she is about visitors."

"I know you mean well, Maisie," said John, sighing slightly. "And I can talk to her if she's bothering you."

Maisie looked mortified. "Oh, I do apologise if I have been complaining! I shouldn't have said anything... I'm dreadfully sorry!"

John finally smiled. "Don't you worry, Maisie! I'm just a bit worked up today. I will talk to her about Nessa's coming here but I'm sure it will all work out. Now then, why don't you and Gerry go home? Get some rest? You've done a beautiful job with this."

Maisie nodded gratefully and left John to look around the cottage. He let his hand linger on the smooth mahogany desk, imagining Nessa sitting at it only hours from now.....

....................

"Are you sure that's not everything, Ness?" Kip asked in mock despair as he threw several pairs of trousers into Nessa's suitcase. Linda shook her head at him, her ringlet curls bouncing. "A girl can never have too many things! You've lived with us long enough to know that!"

Nessa laughed. "He's right, Lin. Though if I forget anything I can just come back, right? I get a few afternoons off!"

"He's so kind!" Linda snarked but smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry. I... I - You know I'm not too comfortable with you living with him, Ness?"

"Oh, Lin."

"I'm worrying, I'm sorry! It's just, y'know, a bit odd. Him being forty odd and you're only twenty one...."

"He's thirty-five," Nessa corrected. "What are you worried about?"

"She's worried he'll make a move on ya!" Kip supplied unhelpfully, peering at the books in the suitcase, grinning devilishly as Nessa swatted at him.

"He's probably got a girlfriend!" Nessa said.

"He's a fucking rockstar, Ness!" Linda cried. "He can move on anyone he likes!"

"Why would he go for me? Seriously?"

"You're young, pretty, inexperienced and totally under his spell!" Kip frowned.

Nessa raised an eyebrow. "Shut your mouth, Mr Andersson. How do you mean inexperienced?"

"KIP!" Linda warned.

"Cos you've never slept with anyone!" Kip shrugged and dodged the book that Nessa lobbed in his direction. "What?!"

"I'm sure I can handle him," Nessa said and glared at Kip when he smirked. "If he does anything I'll just pack up and leave. There." She glanced at Linda. She was biting her nails. "Lin! I'll be fine! I'll call you both every night and update you. It will all be fine. Why would a man like him be interested in me?"

Linda looked doubtful but zipped Nessa's suitcase closed, patting it with her hand. "I'll be waiting for your calls every night." Then her face crumpled. "I'm going to miss you!" She took her best friend in her arms, nuzzling into her shoulder. "How will I cope with him without you?!"

Kip snorted and joined in the hug. "Don't worry Nessa, I'll take very good care of Linda for you."

...........................

As the car pulled up to Quarwood yet again, Nessa drew her breath in sharply. Though this time she hadn't entered the gates in a Cadillac, it didn't make the experience any less exhilarating. Here she was - a student, only 21 years old - going to live on the estate of one of the most famous people on Earth. And she was going to work for him! Nessa had had many dark doubts and fears about this. Surely there would be press snooping around? She didn't want to be involved in the financial demise of a famous rockstar! The press would lap it all up as they always did, twisting her words, telling it wrong.... but Keith had assured her that no one would be around. John's band were touring in the autumn so it would be very quiet at the house. Plus there was only the occasional journalist that came to interview John.

She stepped out of the car, her well-worn sneakers crunching on the gravel. She clutched her suitcase tightly and reached behind her to pick up the cat carrier. Lyle hadn't taken too kindly to being moved around but Nessa couldn't bear to leave him behind. Keith had warned that John hated cats - which astounded Nessa - but she had won her case, agreeing to keep Lyle in the cottage.

Lyle yowled impatiently, his green eyes peering out at the house. At that moment, three people appeared from the vast oak doors and made their way towards the car, which was backing out of the driveway, leaving Nessa at her new home.

"Nessa!" came the deep, throaty thrum of John who smiled as he reached her. "I'm glad you're here. How are you?"

"I am very well, thank you, Mr Entwistle," Nessa said.

"If you're going to be here for the next while, you need to start calling me John."

"Oh, sorry... John."

"That's better!" he grinned. Nessa suddenly noticed his hair. Usually jet black, it was now subtly streaked with flecks of silver and grey. Was that his natural hair colour? His beard was turning that colour too. It suited him. It made him look much more mature and handsome, manly. "This is Maisie, the groundskeeper," said John, patting the arm of a kindly looking elderly woman standing to his left.

"Hello, dearie," Maisie said cheerfully, shaking Nessa's hand. "Welcome to Quarwood! Goodness, you're young! Makes me wish to be that age again! Oh, what a lovely cat!" She added, bending down to peer at Lyle through the bars of his carrier.

"I must remind you, Nessa. I'm not too fond of cats," John said, eyeing Lyle disdainfully.

"I can't imagine why that could be," Nessa said and gripped the handle of the carrier protectively. Keith also explained that John owned a large collection of guns and weaponry. She decided to keep Lyle indoors for the next while. "Hello there, who are you?" Nessa than asked, smiling up at the tall, slim, dark-haired woman to John's right.

"I'm Maxene," she said with a lipsticky smile. Her dark hair was ramrod straight and fell to her collarbone, exposed by a low-cut blouse. She wore incredibly high heels - not the best footwear for trekking down a gravel driveway - and figure-hugging jeans. Nessa noticed she was young, maybe even the same age as her. Was she his daughter? 

Nessa got her answer when Maxene looped her arm through John's, smiling sickeningly up at him. "I'm John's fiancé."


	9. Maxene Harlow

No one had said a word for a full five minutes except for Keith making appreciative smacking noises with his lips as he chewed his food. He was seated between Nessa and John, who was at the head of the table with Maxene perched on his lap. They made quite a show of feeding each other chopstickfuls of fried prawns and chow mein and giggling like young schoolchildren in between. The gold band on Maxene's left hand glinted in the lamplight when she moved. 

"What are you studying, Nessa?" Maxene asked amiably as she chewed a prawn cracker. "I heard you're at the University of Gloucestershire."

Nessa looked up. These were the first words that Maxene had uttered to her since they'd been introduced. "Um, yes," Nessa swallowed her mouthful of noodles. "I'm studying Accounting and Finance."

"Oh, how lovely," Maxene said. The tone of her voice suggested otherwise. "Is it interesting?"

"Very! It's going to be valuable practice to work here. I have to write my dissertation this year," Nessa said, enjoying the bored look on Maxene's face. She had been told that Maxene had been working as a waitress and pursued interests in fashion and textiles in her spare time and had set up her own brand. Upon seeing the garments that Maxene manufactured, Nessa wasn't remotely impressed. Tiny skirts and lingerie wasn't really her area.

"She's the brightest in her year!" Keith put in, his mouth full. "A real genius."

"I'm not at secondary school anymore," laughed Nessa and put down her chopsticks, full. "I was competitive then but I'm only concentrating on my work now!"

Maxene blinked. "I could never study that! It's too technical. Clothes are the way forward!" She plucked at her own skimpy, pink shirt which showed rather a lot of her ample chest. "This is one of my pieces. John chose it himself."

John, who was being rather silent, smiled wickedly down at his fiancee, making Keith chuckle. "Well, I must say, John. I'm a huge fan of Gerry's cuisine but you can't beat the Lucky Cat!"

"Best takeaway in Gloucestershire," agreed John and pushed his plate back. He wound his arms round Maxene's curvy frame, his fingers stroking the soft fabric of her shirt. Nessa drank a gulp of her glass of water, trying desperately not to look at the pair. It was a revolting display of affection and completely unnecessary at the dinner table.

Nessa's first evening at the mighty Quarwood had passed mostly without incident. She'd been settled into her accommodation - a homely little house tucked away at one end of the vast sweep of gardens - and had let Lyle explore, mindful not to let him roam free just yet. The thought of John's weaponry collection still lingered in the back of her mind. They'd then had a 'meeting', which was really just a flop in front of the television and a brief discussion of Nessa's work. She started tomorrow at ten and was tasked to sort through John's vast stock of bills from the last few weeks and make a few trips up to the post office and the bank. It didn't seem like much, a little monotonous and boring maybe, but with the discovery of John's new fiancee, it made things a whole lot more interesting.

"What time is it, dear?" Keith asked Nessa.

Nessa peeked at her watch, pulling back her sleeve. "Goodness! It's ten to midnight!"

Maxene snorted quietly, as if trying to hide it and Nessa looked up enquiringly. "Did I say something wrong, Maxene?"

"You're not like a student are you?" she observed brazenly. "Don't students swear a lot? You keep saying 'goodness'! Are you upper class, I wonder?"

"A little unnecessary, Miss Harlow," Keith muttered. Even John looked away, taking a sudden interest in the floor tiles. Maxene looked none the wiser.

Nessa just sat there, eyebrows raised. "Well, I'm sorry if I don't fit your impression of England's academics," she said. "How was American university for you?"

"I'm not at university," Maxene said.

"I didn't think so," Nessa replied quietly, standing up and clearing away her plate. Keith followed suit, leaving John and Maxene wrapped up in each other's arms. Maxene looked rather miffed, her eyes steely. But John was smiling.

..........................

"I'll get you some proper food tomorrow, Lyle," Nessa explained to her cat who was winding his furry body round her legs, mewling at her plaintively. "I'm going to bed."

Walking through to her new bedroom, Nessa laughed at herself. Since she'd been separated from Kip and Linda, she'd taken to talking to her cat. She found Lyle to be a valuable being to rely on for keeping secrets, the best response she'd get out of him was a sharp yowl or a purr. Then, as Nessa unclothed herself and sat on the bed in her vest and knickers, she remembered something. She reached over to the beside table and picked up the telephone receiver.

"Hello? Yes, hello?" came a familiar Swedish voice.

Nessa giggled. "Hello, Andersson."

"Nessie!" he exclaimed happily. "It's good to hear from you! How are you?" 

"I'm alright, thanks. Where's Linda?"

There was a muffled shout from Kip's end and Nessa heard Linda's voice. "NESS!"

"Linda!" Nessa laughed. "It's good to hear your voice again."

"You've only been gone five minutes," Kip pointed out. "Is it alright over there? How's Big John?"

Nessa snorted. "I'll be calling him that before you know it. God, how embarrassing will that be?"

"How was your first day?" the two persisted. Nessa could hear the muffled buzz of the television in the background. "Did John go for you?"

"Oh, god! No he didn't in fact," said Nessa. "Guess what. He's engaged!"

"WHAT?" screeched Linda. "He was single only two days ago!"

"Keith told me she was his girlfriend for years and they were having affair when he was still married to his first wife."

"Go boy!" Kip whistled and he yelped. Nessa guessed that Linda must have dug him in the ribs. "I mean, Jesus! Sorry, Lin!" he hissed. "Is she good-looking? What's she like?!"

"Always the first thing on your mind, Kip," Nessa said acidly, tucking her slippered feet under her legs. "She's... interesting. She's called Maxene Harlow. She works as some fashion designer, I think. Her and John are obviously smitten. I nearly vomited up my meal from them canoodling at the table."

Linda cackled. "You have a strong stomach. How old is she?"

"Twenty four. She looks our age though. American. Californian? I don't know. She had a good time making fun of me!"

"What did she say?" they demanded. "I'll rip her hair out!" Linda added.

"Nothing too bad," Nessa said begrudgingly. "She labelled me as upper-class and loved how I didn't swear. She kept plucking at her little top - too low cut, mind you - and looking over at my clothes."

Linda sighed. "I was expecting a full on cat-fight!"

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

"It's bad by your standards, Ness. But you're like a wet paper bag!"

"Thanks a bunch, Linda."

"I didn't mean it like that!" she said hastily. "I mean... I mean that she might show her true colours in time. If she feels you're threatening her way with John."

"Threatening her?" Nessa scoffed. "I have nothing on her. She's gorgeous. And John obviously adores her, but I'm going to stay out of the way. I suspect I've disturbed their love nest."

Kip laughed. "You go, girl! Give her a slap from me if she does anything."

"Always the violent one!" Nessa giggled and stifled a yawn. "I've got a fairly early start. I'd better go to bed. Love you both," she blew a kiss down the receiver and paused. "Wait a second. I didn't pack my diary. Have either of you seen it?"

"No, sorry, Ness," Linda said apologetically and blew a kiss in return. "I'll bring it round if I see it."

"I certainly haven't seen it," Kip answered. "Goodbye, Nessie. Good luck with tomorrow."

The phone line went dead.


	10. Good Morning

Nessa rose early, much earlier than she usually did. The sharp sunlight filtering through the pale-coloured curtains made her squint and turn over in bed, wishing she could burrow down under the covers for another snooze. But upon glancing at the clock on the bedside table and remembering where she was, she knew she had to get up.

Lyle was sound asleep at the foot over her bed. Shaking her head at him, Nessa hauled herself out of bed. At least he could sleep in. She pulled on her dressing gown and made her way into the little en suite bathroom. It was strange to not see Kip's shaving razor and Linda's rose petal soap next to all Nessa's belongings on the counter. She felt a pang of longing though she'd only left home yesterday. But she had the weekend to look forward to. Her and Kip and Linda were going down to London for the day.

Nessa dragged a comb through her unruly curls and sighed at her appearance. Her fringe was sticking up in different directions from sleeping on it and her eyes were tired. Maxene, she thought, would probably be looking radiant. She'd be in bed with John, sleeping in like rockstars and their girls should, while other people did the work for them.

As Nessa made her way back into her bedroom having brushed her teeth and washed her face, she glanced at the clock. Half past eight. Would the others be up by then? She didn't think so, so she decided to kill time by making her way up to the house via the huge expanse of gardens. She pulled on a blue sweater and smart black jeans, tying her hair back in a loose knot and slipping on her shoes. Lyle was sitting up on the bed, blinking his almond shaped eyes. He yowled at Nessa as she buttoned her coat.

"I'll feed you later," she said and unlatched the door. The spring morning was crisp and fresh, little droplets of dew sparkling on the lush grass. The sky was a light blue with a few wispy clouds dotted around, but the area had that familiar dullness only associated with early morning. Quarwood itself looked resplendent in the morning sunlight, its towering walls and turrets casting long shadows on the lawn.

Nessa stepped onto the little dirt path and locked the door behind her, pocketing the key. Quarwood was a two minute walk up the path but Nessa spied another little track leading off into a secluded area of the gardens. Rose bushes enclosed the path and she could hear crickets chirping. It was like the secret garden from the books Nessa read when she was younger. Something childishly exciting stirred in her and she found herself walking towards it.

The scent of roses was intoxicating and as she padded down the enclosed path, she felt as if she was floating. The path wound a good way through the grounds and off towards the forest behind the house and Nessa knew this could be a good place to lose herself in. 

The morning grew lighter as she clambered up the stone steps up to the front door of Quarwood. John had given her a key for her to come and go and she pulled it out of her jeans pocket and inserted it into the brass lock. She could hear laughing from within. They must be awake.

Stepping into the vast hallway, Nessa suddenly felt rather sick. The past few days had happened in a flash: one day she was living modestly with a student and a binman and now she was living in luxury with a millionaire.... Life sure was unpredictable.

Nessa came across Maxene at the kitchen table, sitting with her long legs crossed over each other, cigarette in hand. She was wearing a light blue negligee with spaghetti thin straps over her bony shoulders and Nessa could see she was shivering. Clearly, looks mattered more to Maxene than comfort.

"Good morning, Ness!" Keith called cheerfully from where he was pouring coffee into mugs. "You're just in time." He patted his goddaughter on the shoulder and handed her a cup. "Did you have a nice sleep, dear?"

"I had a lovely sleep, thanks," she replied, raising the mug to her lips. "My house is very beautiful. Have you seen it, Maxene?"

Maxene looked up from her own plate of toast and shrugged. "No, I haven't. I live in the main house anyway. I'm upstairs with John in his suite."

Suite. How modest! Nessa resisted the urge to giggle at the word but held her tongue and gulped down a mouthful of coffee. She made her way to the kitchen table and made sure to sit as far away from Maxene as possible. Keith came and sat down in between the two, oblivious to the feud. He opened up a newspaper and kept grumbling to himself for the next few minutes, absorbed in the problems of the world. Maxene and Nessa kept silent, eating their breakfast.

After a good half an hour, John appeared in the doorway, unshaved and unkempt with tousled hair and sleepy eyes. Maxene gave a little sigh of delight and stood up, leaning forward to kiss him sloppily. Nessa stared at John. His appearance compared to seeing him yesterday was very different. He looked softer, more vulnerable and calm without a smart suit and brushed hair. He looked almost normal.

"Good morning, all," he said. His voice was thick with sleep, low and gravelly. He softened his voice even more when Maxene wrapped her arms round his neck, clearly trying to show off. Nessa raised her eyebrows and said nothing as the two greeted each other, despite the fact they'd just spent the whole night together. Nessa shook her head slowly. If this was what she was going to be faced with for the next few months then she knew it was going to be a slog.

When the two finally broke apart and sat down at the table, John opened a fresh packet of cigarettes and passed them round. He paused as he got to Nessa. "Oh, sorry. I forgot you didn't smoke."

Maxene did a double take. "You don't smoke?!"

"No, I don't," Nessa shrugged, sensing a forthcoming grilling from the American woman.

Lighting up hers and John's cigarette, Maxene stared at Nessa with mascara-laden brown eyes. "I thought all you English did!"

"Clearly not everyone!"

"You're an exception to most rules, aren't you?" said Maxene flatly. "No swearing, no smoking! No wonder John hired you," she dug her fiance in the ribs. "You'll be a good influence!"

"I do hope so," said John with a soft smile at Nessa. "Do you know what you're doing today, Nessa?" He took a gulp of his mug of tea, eating one, two, three biscuits along with it.

Nessa nodded. "Yes, I think so. Where shall I do all of the paperwork? Should I take it to my house or do you want me to stay here?"

"I'm going to be recording today," said John. "And I'll be away most of the day. But you can sit where you like. Maxene might want a bit of company as she will be working too. She works in the studio upstairs. We could set up a desk in there?"

Keith stood up from the table, folding his newspaper. "Oh, and I can give you a lift into town later," he said. "You will need to visit the bank and the post office."

"Don't worry!" smiled Nessa. "I know what to do." She turned apologetically to John and Maxene. "I'm sorry but I feel that I can get more done if I have peace and quiet. Would it be alright if I stayed in my house?"

Maxene raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow. "Oh, please? I'd love the company. Please come and work with me? It'd be a perfect opportunity for us to get to know each other.


	11. Liebestraum

"If you don't mind me asking," said Nessa as she looked up from a particularly nasty table of accounts. "How did you meet John?"

Nessa was seated at a small wooden desk in the corner of a brightly lit, spacious room with rose pink wallpaper. The desk was rammed right in next to a squat chest of drawers as most of the area was taken up by numerous mannequins and rolls of fabric dotted amongst a small table upon which sat a sewing machine. Maxene - her hair tied up in a headscarf and pins held between her lips - was attending to a piece of silky fabric pinned to a mannequin's torso. She cursed as she pricked herself with the needle, smearing blood over the garment. 

As Nessa had toiled over pages and pages of vicious accounts and bills, feeling her eyelids starting to droop, Maxene had been whistling happily as she snipped and sewed, emitting the occasional cry of delight when something went right. She had the radio blasting at full volume. Nessa could feel the vibrations through the floor.

"It's a funny story actually," replied Maxene and looked up from her sewing. She had a distant smile etched on her pretty face. "I was working at the Rainbow Bar & Grill in LA. As a waitress. And John used to hang out there a lot when the band were on tour. I guess I just fell for him like a shot!"

Nessa gave a half-smile. She wasn't good at this sort of thing. "Do you miss America?"

"What? And not be in this place?" Maxene laughed. "Not in a million years!" She went back to her sewing, shaking her head a little as if Nessa had asked a ridiculous question. Bending back over her accounts, Nessa finally seemed to concentrate. She did a double take as her eyes scanned a page of bills from the Who's latest tour.

Amount Grossed - £500,000  
Travel Expenses - £10,000  
Accommodation Costs - £5,000  
Equipment Hire - £30,000  
Equipment Repair and Replacement(s) - £18,000  
Personal Costs for Group - £400,000

"£400,000?" she exclaimed.

"What?" said Maxene, not looking up from her sewing.

"The band's equal shares!" Nessa fiddled with a calculator. "That means they only got £9250 each after the tour was finished! That's hardly anything!"

"Isn't it?"

"No! For a band, at least." Nessa sat back in her chair, flicking through more pages. Then she gasped. "I don't believe it!" She stabbed a finger into a paragraph of text. Maxene shrugged, not interested.

"They have the individual members' costs! The four of them spent nearly half a million between them for reasons other than to do with touring.... God knows what..." then she paused, looking at a sentence next to John's name. "I... I don't.... how can he throw all that money away?!"

J. Entwistle - expenses amounting to £250,350.50 for personal use: new cars, clothes, houses and £10,000 set aside for narcotic use.

Maxene finally got up as she saw the horrified look on Nessa's face. She made her way through the maze of mannequins and rolls of fabric and stood over her, hands on hips. She read over her shoulder. Then she barked out a laugh. "He's a fucking rockstar, honey."

Three Hours Later.....

John sat in the back of the car, smoking. He rolled the window down and let the smoke fly out, clearing the air in the vehicle a little. Pete and Kenney too had cigarettes hanging out of their mouths and Keith had one clutched between his thumb and forefinger as he drove. John pondered. Why didn't Nessa like smoking? He'd noticed the way she stared in disgust at his packs of cigarettes and nearly always left the room when he lit up. Cancer sticks, she called them. And no wonder. These things would kill him in the end. But what the hell. He had money, he had wealth, he had status. He could do whatever he liked.

"So how is the financial stabilising going?" Pete asked, throwing his cigarette butt out of the window and into someone's garden as the car rolled by. "I heard your new protégé had arrived."

"Protégé?" John snorted. "I know nothing about money. Except how to spend it."

"You've got that right. I bet she'll find it difficult to sort your situation out," Pete said scathingly. "We'll need another tour to finance your habits. It all goes down the pan after a few weeks."

Kenney sat there looking very uncomfortable. Though he was used to his new bandmates' arguments he didn't much like spending time with them. They were too explosive.

"Fuck off," muttered John and resumed his gazing out of the window. The majestic form of Quarwood loomed into view and the car roared over the rough, gravel driveway and through the gargoyle flanked iron gates. John glanced up at the top floor on the right hand side. That was Maxene's work room. He wondered if the two were getting along.... Nessa had seemed so reluctant to stay with Maxene. Maxene seemed especially eager to get to know her new acquaintance.

The car came to an abrupt stop and they all clambered out. Pete and Kenney shielded their eyes against the glare of the evening sun setting low in the sky and gazed open mouthed up at Quarwood. They had been here before a few times but the splendour, the sheer size and grandeur of the place amazed even the most frequent visitors.

"Do you have a piano?" Pete asked snippily as they ascended the stone stairs to the front door. "I need to work out another passage."

Keith bounded up behind them. "He does. Installed it myself only last year! He doesn't play it though."

"Was that Alison's piano?" Kenney asked. 

John stared at the ground, giving a gruff mumble to answer Kenney's question. "Sorry, John," Kenney mumbled, shuffling his feet. 

"Just leave it," sighed John and pushed open the door. He stared open mouthed as Quasi hung from the ceiling now draped in a gauzy pink gown. Pete sniggered.

"Oh, John?" called an elegant voice, drifting down the towering staircase. "Is that you?" Appearing at the first floor balcony was Maxene. She grinned down at the group. "Hello, honey. Oh, Pete! Kenney! How lovely to see you!" She descended the stairs gracefully and pulled John into a long, lingering kiss. Kenney tapped his foot. Maxene then hugged each of the other men and ushered them into the living room, as Pete demanded to play their piano.

Nessa meanwhile had her head resting on a pile of documents, fast asleep, pen in hand. She woke with a start when she heard the loud bang of a champagne cork being popped from somewhere else in the house. She sat up, rubbing her neck and yawning. The last thing she remembered was Maxene leaving the room to go and get a drink when Nessa heard the front door open and close. John must be back. But she felt so tired that she just had to take five minutes rest.

"Nessa?" a voice called up the stairs. It was Maxene.

"I'm coming!" Nessa shouted back, pulling off her blue sweater and draping it over her shoulders. The sun streaming through the windows had lifted the temperature a good few degrees. She made her way across the room, out into the hall and down the carpeted stairs. She'd only been here a day and had suddenly realised just how enormous the house was. It seemed to expand in every direction and Nessa had got lost finding her way to the bathroom, instead coming across rooms filled with guitars, another one with weaponry - which she quickly bypassed - and another painted bright green which had no furniture.

Maxene stood hands on hips in the doorway of the living room. "Where have you been, huh?"

Nessa blinked. "You only left a couple of minutes ago. I was upstairs."

"Well... They're waiting!" she said and flounced back into the room. Sudden explosions of laughter intermittently erupted from inside and the television sounded like it was on. Nessa walked in cautiously.

"How's my best girl?" Keith roared, his ruddy face more red than usual, holding out his arms to hug Nessa. She lightly stepped aside, opting to pat him on the shoulder instead. She could smell the alcohol on his breath. They'd only been back two minutes..... Unless...

"Did you drive while drunk, Keith?" Nessa said and folded her arms. "I hope you didn't!" She rolled her eyes at the guilty smirk on Keith's face. "Shush! No one will know. At least your boy Kip isn't a policeman!"

"He's not my boy," laughed Nessa. "He's Linda's boy. Remember?"

"Who's Kip?" Maxene asked loudly from where she sat on a huge leather sofa, tangled up in John's arms. 

"Kip is... was my roomate," Nessa started to explain and frowned when Maxene went back to talking to John. Rude. Two other men sat opposite John whom Nessa didn't recognise. One was rail thin and tall, with thinning hair and a large, hooked nose. The other was shorter and had ginger-brown hair and a tired smile. He looked up and smiled at Nessa.

"Who's this?" he asked and stood up. "I'm Kenney."

"Nessa," she replied shyly. Kenney seemed like an amiable person. "I'm Mr Entwistle's new financial advisor."

"It's John," John laughed softly, looking up at her with humour in his eyes. "I'll have to sack you if you keep saying that."

"Sorry..." Nessa mumbled and shook the stiff hand of the thin, beak-nosed man. He looked down at her critically. "She's very young, John."

"I'm Nessa. Pleased to meet you," Nessa said through gritted teeth. "Who are you?"

"Pete Townshend," he replied and sat back down. "Are you a student?"

Nessa sat down on a wooden backed chair by the coffee table, trying to keep as far away from Pete as possible. He seemed rather intense. "Y-yes. I'm at Gloucestershire University. Accounting and Finance."

Maxene yawned.

Pete raised his eyebrows, nodded almost approvingly. "Good. We need more of you in the world. All nasty, blood-sucking bankers and politicians taking all our money and not realising the jeopardising impact on..."

Nessa sighed and let Pete carry on. He seemed to be talking to no one in particular, maybe lecturing himself. Was this one of John's bandmates? How did he cope?!

"You said about a piano, Pete?" John said, interrupting Pete's seemingly unstoppable flow. "It's over there." He pointed to the corner where an ornate, grand piano stood by the windows that looked out onto the lawns. "Do what you like with it."

Pete scratched his chin. "A nice one too. I'll probably end up smashing it! Does anyone else play?" He looked around. "It's your fucking piano!" he said to John. "Don't you play it?"

John just shrugged, taking a gulp from his very full glass of champagne. The bottle stood proudly on the coffee table amongst dainty coasters. It was half empty.

"Nessa does!" announced Maxene. She had her brown eyes fixed on Nessa. "You said you played?"

She was right. Through the hours they'd been sat in the same room, they'd attempted some kind of small talk. They'd exchanged hobbies and interests, both coming up with very different answers. One of Nessa's had included the piano.

"Do you?" John asked, his eyebrows raised. He felt a strange twinge at his heart. "Please do."

"Go on, girl!" egged on Maxene, her eyes glittering.

Nessa shuffled uncomfortably in her seat. "Only a bit.... I used to. Just at home. I didn't do grades... I just... I-I..." But her words were cut off entirely when John rose from his place next to Maxene on the sofa and took both of Nessa's hands in his. He gently guided her over to the piano and Nessa sat down almost robotically. Her breath was caught in her throat. Her hands burned from his touch.

She cast her eyes warily over the smooth ivory keys, her hands itching to touch them. The piano was old. This was obvious from the scratched wood and fading sheen to the polish. However, Nessa could tell it was well-used and well-loved. The keys were faded and worn but the whole instrument seemed to glow with an aura of something that Nessa couldn't quite place.

Her head still spun from John's simple physical contact and she tried to conceal the hitch of her breathing. He was standing so close.... right beside her, towering over her.... she could feel his breath on her neck.

She shook her head.

"What do you play?" he asked. The deep thrum of his voice seemed to send vibrations across every inch of Nessa's skin. 

"Errrm," she said, trying desperately to regain some kind of composure and trying to ignore the feeling of Maxene's eyes burning into her back. "I love Liszt and Chopin. Schubert, Mozart.... anything really." She ducked her head. She had gone red.

John smile down at her. "Surprise me." He watched the young woman as she hesitated, deep in thought, then reached tentatively towards the keys. Her touch was light, delicate, precise. Her hands shook slightly.

But the shaky start vanished in a heartbeat as Nessa began to play, her pale hands gliding over the ivory keys.  
A beautiful, haunting melody at a leisurely pace, each note piercing the air like an arrow.   
Even Pete stopped talking to listen.

John nodded. "Lieberstraum!"

"You know Liszt?!" Nessa said, her eyes fixed on the keyboard.

"No," he admitted with a grin. "Our singer played him in a film and I recognise the tune!"

Nessa hummed in response. She easy concentrating on the music. She finished quietly, letting the notes fade into silence and went peony pink as Keith, Kenney, Pete and John began to applaud her.

"What did I tell you?!" Keith exclaimed. "She's a genius!"

"Don't make me blush!" laughed Nessa and John felt his heart leap as she smiled. This was the first time he'd seen her properly smile since they'd first met at Keith's anniversary party. He was blown away.

"I think it's too late for that!" supplied Maxene who did not look mightily impressed. "You need more foundation on!"

"You're all red, lovey," John said softly. His hand reached over to touch Nessa's cheek.   
It fell back to his side when Nessa flinched and drew back. She looked shocked at herself, staring up at John with wide eyes.

"John.... I.... I didn't... sorry!" She stuttered before standing up and backing away. "I'm sorry!" She repeated and nearly tripped over the rolled up edge of the carpet.  
Why did she react that way? John had a magnetic effect on Nessa, there was not doubt, but the thought that he could possibly be feeling the same way scared her. Terrified her.  
Made her feel vulnerable.

"Nessa?" John started gently, reaching out a hand. But Nessa shook her head.

"Another champagne bottle?!" slurred Keith who was lying with his feet on Pete's lap. The three were playing a game of rummy.  
Maxene pretended to watch the game but kept her full attention on John and Nessa.  
She watched Nessa back away, John taking a step towards her. Nessa looked ashen.

The young girl fled the room unbeknownst to Keith, Pete and Kenney. John sat down on the piano stool, wringing his hands.


	12. The Lord of the Manor

"Good morning!" Nessa called to Maisie on her way up the front steps of Quarwood. The sun shone weakly through a thick film of cloud and Nessa looked up doubtfully. Hopefully it wouldn't rain.

"Why hello, Miss Hargreaves!" Maisie said, standing up from where she was pruning a rose bush, shears in gloved hands. Her lined face was split into a friendly smile. "You're up early!"

Nessa shrugged. "I have a lot of work to finish today so I thought I'd get started."

"You tell Mr Entwistle if he's working you too hard," said Maisie. Then she sighed. "A young girl like you shouldn't be in a place like this!"

"What do you mean?" Nessa asked curiously. Apart from John's obvious fame, riches and bizarre collections, nothing stuck Nessa as being potentially dangerous... if that was what Maisie was implying.

Maisie's eyes widened and she shook her head, her grey hair escaping from it's plait. "Oh! Don't listen to me, dear! I didn't mean it like that. You're doing very well here. Mr Entwistle tells me he's very pleased with your work!"

"Really?" Nessa asked, feeling her heartbeat increase. She hated that feeling. "I only started yesterday!"

"Why don't you go on inside and see?" Maisise said, leaning over and patting Nessa's cheek affectionately. "And make sure he feeds you!"

Nessa laughed and pushed open the grand, oak doors. She couldn't hear voices floating from the kitchen like the did the previous day and she looked around the enormous front porch. There were around twenty pairs of shoes, ranging from designer trainers, Mod style loafers and trendy winklepickers and Cuban heels. A pair of impossibly high pale pink stilettos were stood neatly against the shoe rack and Nessa grimaced at them. Not her style.

Quasi wasn't hanging from his usual rope in the hall and Nessa raised her eyebrows. Had Maxene had something to do with it? Looking around, Nessa noticed that the place seemed much tidier than the previous day. When she had left the room last evening after.... after what happened.... there were wine and champagne bottles galore, plus the odd guitar lying around and empty pack of cigarettes. Now the floor looked pristine.

The kitchen smelled pleasantly of toast and coffee and Nessa nearly collided with someone as she stepped onto the linoleum floor. "Oh, I'm so sorry!" she said, stepping back and stumbling. Looking up, her heart jolted.

"Not the first time I've nearly knocked you over," said John with a smile. "Only last time I spilled wine all over you!

Nessa tried to speak but she could only manage a feeble laugh. John had his hands wrapped round her upper arms in an attempt to steady her when she stumbled. He quickly released her as if her skin was boiling hot and his arms fell to his sides.

"You could have slept in," said John as he moved away and poured himself a cup of coffee. "I'm going out in about fifteen minutes and I will be back late. You could have started later?"

"Oh no," Nessa finally blurted out, cursing her inability to initiate conversation. "I couldn't do that. I don't mind getting up. I was talking to Maisie anyway."

"Ah, Maisie is lovely isn't she?" grinned John as he sat down at the kitchen table where the morning paper was waiting. "Did she tell you to make sure I'm not overworking you?"

Nessa blinked. She suddenly noticed that Maxene was absent and a chill went down her spine. Alone with John.... after what happened yesterday?!

"Ha! She says that to all my staff. Thinks I don't give them enough time off!" He chuckled to himself and opened the paper. "Help yourself to any breakfast," he said and waved his hand at the fridge.

Nessa had taken the opportunity to go shopping the night before and found the memory of her passing the wine section rather amusing. She was surprised she could read her shopping list after her brain was whirling from the incident. Luckily she'd managed to find everything and had found the twenty minutes walk into Stow-on-the-Wold very pleasant. Lyle had been especially gratified that she had finally bought him cat food.

She still refused to let him outside. The thought of John's weaponry collection still lingered in the back of her mind. Not that Lyle knew this!

Nessa seated herself opposite John, munching on a slice of toast. "Have you anymore of the accounts for me today?"

"Yes. I have several more files, unfortunately," he grimaced. "But you've got a day off on Sunday, don't you?"

"If there is no urgent work to be done then I'm seeing Linda and Kip."

"Ah. Do you miss them?"

"I've only been away two days!" laughed Nessa. "But yes, I do. They're my best friends."

John nodded and went back to his newspaper. He looked up and smiled radiantly as Maxene sauntered in, draped in a sheer pink robe with her feet bare. She perched on John's lap, kissing him sloppily. Nessa stopped chewing her toast.

"Good morning, Nessa," she said with a forced smile. "How are you?"

"I'm very well thank you, Maxene," replied Nessa. She dared a glance at John. He was looking straight at her.

"Your piano was nice yesterday," she drawled, examining a nail. "Will you teach me one day?"

Nessa blinked. "I-if you wish. I'm not very good at explaining things I'm afraid and-"

"John?" interrupted Maxene, already bored of Nessa's words. Nessa sat back in her chair, miffed. This girl had some nerve. And she did ask after all!

"Yes?" John replied. He was back to scanning the black and white pages of the newspaper.

"Who's staying here with Nessa today?"

"No one."

Nessa tilted her head to the side, curious. Seeing her confusion, John explained. "As I said, I'm going to be at the studio all day and Maxene has an errand down in London. Everyone will be out for the day."

Peace at last, Nessa thought with a smile. The smile was not well masked and John chuckled to himself as he saw Nessa's lips curve upwards. "If you need anything just call Maisie. She'll be at home in town."

Nodding, Nessa finished the last of her toast. "Are the accounts etc where I last was working with them?"

"I asked Maisie to leave everything where it was" John smiled. "Though you might prefer to do it in your house? Thought you might like a break from this place!"

"Oh, I don't mind. I-I like this house."

"Really?" John scratched his beard thoughtfully. There were more streaks of silver in it and it gave him a handsome, distinguished air.

"Yes! It's very grand and beautiful. I like the gardens the best."

Maxene coughed rudely and slipped off John's lap, taking him by the hand. Her ring glinted in the morning sunlight shining through the window. "Sorry to spoil the interior design lecture, but I have my meeting at eleven! Keith is waiting with the car!"

"Give Keith my best," said Nessa and nodded at Maxene as she dashed off to get dressed, her robe billowing out behind her. John stood by the table, hands buried in his jean pockets. Today he had opted for a deep purple shirt and an embroidered black waistcoat. Round his neck was an odd bejewelled spider hanging on a chain, glittering menacingly.

Talk about eccentric.

"Well. Good luck with your work," John said and turned to leave the room. "Feel free to look around if you like. You haven't really had the chance to do that...." he stared at her intently as if trying to figure out the next words to speak. He opened his mouth. And closed it again. Shook his head. "I'll be back around ten."

With that he turned on his heel - sky blue suede Cuban heels - and left the kitchen.

....................................

"Don't look at me like that, Lyle," Nessa sighed as she jabbed her pen into the paper. Hard. The ink splattered on the page which made Nessa curse in frustration. She'd broken two pens in the last few hours and her mood was worsening.

Lyle was sat just across from her with his triangular head resting on his furry paws. He looked bored. So was Nessa. Mind-numbingly so. Hacking away at files upon files of vicious accounts and bills and unpaid expenses had rendered her twitchy and angry, Lyle watching her with discerning yellow eyes as Nessa seethed in rage.

It didn't help that the memory of John's hand barely grazing her cheek was vividly etched in her mind. It was like someone had taken a hot poker and branded the image into her memory and at times she had to stop and try and brush the reminders of it away. Though it only happened just over twelve hours ago it felt like she'd been battling this turmoil for months on end.

"Right, I need a break," Nessa told herself, pushing back her chair and standing up to stretch her aching muscles. Finding the bathroom more easily now, she locked herself in and stared glumly at her reflection. Her unruly hair was escaping her scarlet headband so she untied the strip of material and, using her fingers, combed her hair into some kind of order.

She glanced at the bathroom counter. There was a beautiful engraved hairbrush ingrained with mother of pearl sitting next to the mirror. Several strands of dark hair clung to the bristles. Maxene. Beside the hairbrush was an elegant metal shaving razor with its own little wooden case. Before she could stop herself, Nessa reached out and touched it with the very tip of one finger.

"What the hell?!" she chided herself and quickly retracted her finger, cradling it as if she had received an electric shock. Hurriedly she retreated from the bathroom and made her way back along the landing, idly staring at all the framed photographs on the wall. There was one of The Who - John's band - in their heyday. John, clean-shaven and short haired, clutching a bass guitar stood smirking at the camera with his other arm around a short, mop-topped lad with a cheeky smile. Pete was there too, looking much younger, and the blond-haired singer Roger. They all looked so young and fresh-faced... so much potential... so much ahead of them. A young Mod band with a dream. And that's all it took to set them off.

Another framed photograph was of John with a long black beard and even longer hair standing beside the front gates of Quarwood with Keith, grinning madly, dangling a bunch of keys from his finger.

One with John dressed smartly in a suit and tie, a lily pinned to the breast pocket and a top hat under his arm. A beautiful, dark-haired young woman in a wedding dress was smiling radiantly at the camera while John beamed down at her.

John and Alison Entwistle, read the caption.

Nessa drew in breath. So this was Alison? Keith had told her that John had recently divorced her and he had been feeling down ever since. He and Maxene seemed very happy but Nessa had a nagging feeling that John wasn't quite over Alison. She could see why: Alison looked beautiful and kind with an infectious smile and she obviously adored John.

It was several minutes before Nessa moved on. She couldn't quite bring herself to take her eyes off the photograph.

She padded into the next room, not knowing where she was going. Entering the doorway she saw a large, spacious room painted bright blue. A four poster bed sat in the corner with an ornately carved headboard. The bedclothes were rumpled and sat in a heap at the corner of the mattress and a full ashtray sat on the desk - mahogany, naturally.

An overwhelming urge to walk inside consumed Nessa and she swayed on her feet, mulling it over. 

But they're out...

They will come back!

But if we're quick?

It's trespassing!

You live here now, don't you?

Well...

Go on! Just a peep.

Squaring her shoulders, Nessa walked slowly forwards into the bedroom. She glanced at the sign nailed to the door: The Lord of the Manor. Fitting. 

Past a full bookshelf was a vanity desk set with numerous bottles of perfume and make-up items. Maxene's pink robe was draped on the stool. The mirror was large and clear and Nessa caught sight of her own terrified face. What the hell am I doing?

There was a record player with a cardboard box full of albums sat on the floor beside the bed and Nessa resisted the urge to flick through them. I wonder what he listens to... The window opened out on the vast stretch of lawns and the rose bushes and forest beyond. Nessa was captivated and found herself imagining waking up to a view like that with the sun highlighting the green and - 

A noise!

Nessa wheeled round and nearly fainted with relief when she saw Lyle sitting on the carpet behind her, yellow eyes scrutinising her carefully. She picked him up, burying her face in his thick fur. This seemed to snap her out of her trance and she made a beeline for the door and safety from her racing mind.

She practically ran from the room but not before she made a detour. The far side of the bed had a cabinet upon which sat a small tub of face cream and ac copy of Vogue magazine. The side closest to Nessa had no bedside cabinet but upon the pillow sat a sketchpad and pens, a packet of cigarettes and a pair of diamond cufflinks.

Nessa smoothed her hand over the sheets on the near side of the bed before making her way back onto the landing.


	13. Two Face

"So he didn't try anything then?" Linda asked for the hundredth time. Her brown eyes bored into Nessa's face, trying to search for a hint of something, anything. Linda usually knew when her friend hid things from her but today she was finding it unusually difficult.

Nessa banged her fist on the tabletop. "NO! He didn't! I'd tell you if he did. I didn't really see him anyway as we was always out recording."

"What about Maxene?" pressed Linda. "Did she do anything?"

"Like what?!"

"Well. Y'know. Get jealous?"

"Of what?!" screeched Nessa, sick to the back teeth of Linda's incessant grilling.

"You, obviously!" Linda replied. "I saw the way he looked at you at Keith's anniversary do. He couldn't take his eyes off you! Maxene must feel threatened."

Nessa sighed inwardly. From the burning looks of hatred and sharp words she'd received from Maxene upon her arrival, Nessa knew deep down that Linda was right. Maxene must feel slightly unnerved at having another young woman in the same house as her fiance? Nessa thought. If she was in that position would't she feel the same? But Maxene had nothing to worry about.

"Don't be stupid," barked Nessa. "They're engaged! I'm not a bloody threat! I don't think of him in that way. I don't," she added fiercely as Linda arched her eyebrow.

"Time will tell, dear girl," she said. "You always liked older men!"

At that, the two girls collapsed into fits of giggles. Kip entered the room, dressed in a baggy pair of corduroy slacks and an un-ironed t-shirt. His shaggy blond hair fell in waves around his ears and his face was lit up in a cheeky grin. "Hello again, girlies. Am I missing out on all the fun?"

"Nothing!" Nessa said as she tried to stop laughing. "Wow, you look like you've just climbed out of a rubbish tip." 

Linda cackled.

"Well, I am a binman," Kip replied, feigning hurt from Nessa's tone. "It's nothing to be ashamed of!"

"Except that you lack basic hygiene," Linda said affectionately and pinched at the fabric of his shirt. "Look at this! It's filthy!"

"Only because my maid is absent," said Kip, nodding to Nessa. "I've fallen into disrepair when you left!"

"I'm not your maid, you moron! I only wash the clothes as you lot are bloody awful at it!"

They all laughed, clutching each other for support. It was a lovely moment. Nessa suddenly felt so glad to be back with them. She'd missed them dearly though she'd only been at Quarwood for a week. It was nice to finally be back with people she knew well. She felt like a stranger at that huge estate: John and Maxene knew nothing about her and she mostly kept to herself. Now she could finally be herself.

The phone rang. Each friend looked at each other until Kip heaved himself up and ran to the phone in the hall. He picked up the receiver.

"Hello?" he said. "Oh, hi Keith."

Nessa grinned. She knew that this evening he was down in London with John's band. From the tales he'd told her, she expected it would be an eventful affair.

"Yes, she's here. She's staying here tonight. Oh?" He poked his head round the door and stared at Nessa. "Keith wants to speak to you."

Nessa shared a confused look with Linda before taking the phone from Kip. He shrugged. "Hello?"

"Nessa," Keith greeted. His tone was clipped and to-the-point. This was the side of Keith that few knew: the business side.

"Hello. What's wrong?"

"Erm... Nessa, love. I think it'd be best if you stayed where you are for the next few days. It's a bit manic here."

"In London?"

"No, no. At the house."

"What's happened?" Nessa was suddenly worried. She'd left Lyle back at her house with some of his food to keep him occupied. She only planned to be away a night and be back the next morning. What was Keith trying to say? Her blood ran cold. A fire?! A flood?! A break in?! God fibid if anything happened to poor Lyle....

"Oh, nothing bad!" Keith said hastily, sensing his goddaughter's horror. "It's just... John brought the band back. And a few others."

Nessa could hear the insistent thrum of numerous voicing through the receiver. "How many others?"

"A lot," admitted Keith. "John thought it'd be ideal as it wouldn't disturb you. He just threw a bit of a party, that's all."

Nessa held back a smile. "Well. Thanks for letting me know. But I'd rather I came back in the morning all the same. I need to see if Lyle is alright."

"Lyle? Oh yes. Your cat. But I warn you, dear. It's not exactly paradise in that place after one of John's raves!"

Kip and Linda were both standing by Nessa now, watching her anxiously. Linda was biting at a thumbnail.

Nessa laughed. "I'm a student, Keith! I've seen my fair share of hangovers! How bad can Quarwood be?!"

...............................

Lyle hated all the noise. He could hear intermittent bottle smashes and shouts coming from the large house at the end of the lawn and frequent shrieks of laughter. The morning was dark and the lights from the bottom floor of the house lit up the stone walls with tongues of orange.

Ears set back in apprehension, Lyle watched as a car pulled up outside the window. Out got a young, brown-haired girl with a red hairband - his master - and a tall, balding man with a drooping moustache. They moved quickly, faces grim, and Lyle yowled as he heard footsteps. He rubbed himself against their legs and purred appreciatively as he was scooped up into his master's familiar arms.

"Well, I'm glad they didn't get as far as here," Nessa said and heaved a sigh of relief, the breath fluffing up her fringe. "You wouldn't like that, would you, Lyle?"

Lyle purred.

"They've been at the roses!" Keith chuckled as he stared out of the window. Sure enough, several of the bushes had been torn down, red and pink petal strewn over the grass.

"Oh," Nessa sighed softly, discontented.

"It could have been worse, dear. Now. Let's get up there and try and slip you upstairs. Are you leaving him here?" Keith gestured to the cat sitting in his goddaughter's arms.

Nessa shook her head.

"Let's just hope none of our guests don't like cats," Keith said and led Nessa out of the house and up the path towards the house. Lyle sat contentedly in Nessa's arms, looking up curiously at the building. The orange lights had died out and people were filing out of the doors - they staggered and stumbled, unsteady on their feet, falling into waiting cars.

Keith and Nessa made their way round the other side of the house and in through a small door. The corridor inside was dark and smelled unpleasantly of damp. "Sorry about this!" Keith said cheerfully and gave a satisfied grunt as they finally appeared in the main hall.

There was Maxene. She was sitting halfway up the main flight of stairs, wearing nothing but a frilly yellow apron and impossibly high stilettos. Her mascara ran train tracks down her face and she was gulping great, ugly sobs.

"Good God," Keith said as he and Nessa approached her. "Whatever is the matter, Miss Harlow?"

She looked up, her wide eyes not quite finding his face, and hiccuped. "I'm fine, thanks, Keith. Just fine, just fine. Just fine sitting here being fine." Her voice was slurred and she hardly opened her mouth.

Nessa watched her carefully. In her university days she'd witnessed countless intoxicated individuals but maybe none as plastered as this. As if proving her point, Maxene put her head in her hands, rocking back and forth on the step, moaning incoherently.

"You go an' lie down now, pet," Keith laughed and patted her on the shoulder. He then strode past with Nessa trailing behind.

"What has she been drinking?!" Nessa hissed as they came upon two strangers kissing, pinned against the wall beside some of John's photographs. 

"More like what's she been taking," Keith muttered darkly, pushing the door open to the study. "Did you see her pupils?!"

Nessa stared at him. Surely not. "You, you mean..."

"Cocaine, my girl," Keith confirmed and looked at her anxiously. "I really shouldn't leave you here... I don't want you consorting with this lot..." but he caught himself. "Don't worry. They've all left. John, as far as I know, is sleeping it off. Maxene will probably be asleep on the stairs by now."

Though doubts swirled round Nessa's head like angry wasps, she didn't want to seem like she was giving up. "I'll be alright, Keith. I'll just stay here until lunchtime."

Keith looked doubtful but nodded, planting a kiss on his goddaughter's forehead. "You're a good girl." He glanced at his watch. "Cripes! I'd better be off. I'll see you later."

With that he was gone, leaving Nessa clutching Lyle in the middle of the study. Morning sunlight streamed through the window and warmed Nessa's face. She looked over at the files of accounts sitting on the table and sighed. It was going to be another long day.

...........................

"Good morning good morning!" intoned a gruff voice. Nessa jumped, nearly choking on the sandwich she had just taken a bite out of. It was a distinctly odd situation - a young girl surrounded by accounts, a cat and various wine bottles littering the floor. Grimy smears obscured the view out of the huge windows and one corner was even smashed. She looked like the calm in the storm, the eye of the hurricane.

"It's half past two," said Nessa flatly as she watched a rather tired looking John stumble into the kitchen. She'd moved downstairs from the study after feeling very hungry. Lyle preferred this as he could stare out the window.

"Oh, yeah..." John said vacantly. There were bags under his eyes and his silver-streaked hair stood up on end. The baggy t-shirt and old, faded jeans looked extremely out of place on John. He was always so immaculate and well-held... but obviously alcohol could do wondrous things to people.

He pointed to Lyle with an unsteady hand. "What is that?"

Nessa stroked the top of the cat's head protectively. "This is Lyle. My cat? You said he could stay... right?" She swallowed.

But John's face relaxed. "Of course. Just make sure he doesn't go upstairs."

Nessa nodded, feeling her face flush.

"As I've got two dogs. We wouldn't want Lyle to get in the way of those two!" He opened the fridge and took out a can of beer. Nessa flinched.

"A-are you sure you should be....?" she began tentatively and was suddenly paralysed with fear as John swung round. There was a terrifying look in his eyes that Nessa hadn't seen before - anger.

"You're not my mother!" he spat, wrenching the ringpull from the can and taking a gulp, throat convulsing. "I do what I fucking well like!" His breath, mixed with the beer, stank of alcohol.

Nessa's blood ran cold and she fought desperately to prevent tears from falling. She could feel them welling in her eyes and she sat stock still, unblinking, staring at John with a mixture of contempt and fear. Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry....

Lyle crawled onto Nessa's lap. Being a cat, he had an unrivalled ability to detect human emotion. He pushed his furry head against Nessa's chin and began purring, giving John fiery glares every now and again with his almond-shaped eyes.

John sighed. "Nessa..."

"Leave it!" she snapped, her voice cracking. She turned round and gazed out of the window, ignoring the smeared glass. Something on the lawn made her smile. Two foxcubs were frollicking on the grass down beside the stone walls. They had alert ears and long snouts, their bushy tails streaking out behind them as they ran around.

Lyle growled, tail flicking, watching them intently. He wasn't a hunter but he could sit for hours in fascination, watching other creatures.

"Oh, wow!" Nessa whispered, forgetting all about John. "They're so beautiful!"

"What?" said John, striding over and staring out of the window.

"The foxes! I've never seen them this close before." She smiled as they began playfighting, rolling over and over in the grass. It reminded her of being young and playing with her brother and sister...

John suddenly turned and stalked from the room and Nessa watched him go with curiosity. There was a clattering noise from the next room, as if someone had pulled something from a shelf. Turning her attention back to the foxes, she felt Lyle's claws dig into her thighs.

"Ow! What was that for?" she scolded before seeing what Lyle had seen. She gasped, hand over her mouth, pushing back her chair. John was standing on the stone walkway, shotgun in hand. He was busy reloading the rounds, his face a grim mask of concentration.

Before she could stop herself, Nessa had fled the kitchen into the hall and out onto the walkway through the open door. There were the foxes, blissfully unaware of what was about the happen to them, there was John, the barrel of his shotgun aimed right at them. The cold metal glinted harshly in the sunlight.

"Stop it!" Nessa cried. She ran up to him and before John had time to protest, she'd knocked the lethal device from his hands. It fell with a metallic bang on the grey flagstones, causing the foxes to scarper. They galloped briskly from the lawn and into the woods beside the house.

Nessa was breathing hard, her face red with anger. "What the hell was that?!"

John looked bemused. "They're pests! I don't want them ruining my lawn!"

"They're little fox cubs," she seethed, eyeing the gun on the ground, hating it and hating him. "They can't do anyone harm! What are you?! You're fucking cruel, John!" With that she burst into tears - hot angry tears - and kicked at the gun viciously.

John stood watching her, a puzzled expression on his face. After a few moments he bent down and picked up the gun. He walked away.


	14. Forgiveness and Farewells

It was two o'clock in the morning when the phone rang. Linda awakened with a start, shoving Kip's arm off her and sitting up in bed. She rubbed her eyes. The shrill ring of the phone echoed round the small room and Linda cringed at the volume as she picked up the receiver. Kip carried on snoring, the sound muffled by his pillow over his head.

"Hello?" She mumbled sleepily.

"Oh, sorry," said a gruff voice. "I think I have the wrong number."

"Who were you after?" Linda said, her mind still catching up, unaware that she knew this voice.

"Nessa Hargreaves."

"Ness?" Linda paused. Then she frowned. John...  
A tearful Nessa had phoned her only an hour ago and told her about John's behaviour. "Oh, hello, Mr Entwistle.

"Hello... Linda, is it?"

"Yep. What do you want?" she snapped. She didn't care she was rude. He had hurt her best friend.

"Nessa talks a lot about you," said John and he sighed. "Look, I know she's at my house but... I'd rather not bother her right now."

Linda snorted. "Too right! I heard what you did!" Her sharp tone woke Kip and he poked his blond head from underneath the pillow. He stared blankly at her, looking angry at being awoken.

Linda heard John sigh in defeat. "I know. And I'm sorry. I just needed to ask you something. I'd ask her myself but....." John said. He sounded nervous. "I wouldn't want to wake her at this hour, that's all."

"Well, fire away."

John paused and Linda heard him swallow nervously. "Umm, do you know what flowers Nessa likes?"

.................................................

"That's the last of them, Mr Entwistle," Jack called as he loaded the last guitar case into the van. The vehicle was packed floor to ceiling with boxes, instrument cases and suitcases. Jack wiped his sweating forehead.

"Thanks a lot, Jack!" said John and shook his hand, trying not to acknowledge the fact that Jack had just coated it in sweat. "Where's Keith?"

"He's coming back round with the car. He said he'll be about twenty minutes as he's saying goodbye to his goddaughter."

John swallowed. "OK then. Could you go and get Flynn from the garden? I'm taking him with me!"

"You're taking the dog on tour?!" laughed Jack and shook his head. But he turned on his heel and walked round the gravel path to the lawns behind Quarwood.

John looked around. The two vans containing all his things were slowly chugging out of the driveway, ready to drive to the airport. It would be strange leaving Quarwood again. He's spent an unusual amount of time there in the past few months as the Who had had a break from touring. It was a welcome relief but John couldn't wait to get back to the adrenaline soaked thrill of live performances.

Jack returned with a large, grey shaggy-haired dog trotting at his heels. Its tongue lolled out of its mouth, tail wagging. It broke into a canter when it saw its master.

"Come here, boy!" John grinned and laughed as the enormous dog bounded up to him. He patted his head and spluttered as the dog licked his face.  
Jack looked thoughtful. "Are you sure about taking him on tour?"

"Hmmm?" John said as he rubbed Flynn's stomach when the dog rolled onto his back.

"I mean... touring isn't a place for a dog, is it?" He ducked his head when John looks up at him. "I like dogs, you see, sir. Me mum used to breed them and I've always liked them." He looked happily at Flynn. "They need a space to roam around! Especially him."

Flynn looked adoringly up at his master, pink tongue hanging out. John sighed and stood up, nodding at Jack. "You're right, mate. I was going to ask you anyway! Can you keep him till I get back?"

Jack's face lit up. He was a baby-faced lad but at the thought of looking after John's beloved dog, he looked like a child on Christmas morning.  
"Really? Can I, Mr Entwistle?"

"Of course," said John. "Flynn always tells me how much he likes your company!"

As if replying, Flynn barked and started bounding around, chasing his tail. Jack looked positively radiant and beamed up at John. "Thanks so much, sir!" He picked up a stick and threw it for Flynn who went lolloping after it.

John chuckled at the sight. Flynn had been here at Quarwood for only four months and Jack had been besotted with the animal, volunteering to walk him and - 

"I thought you were opposed to canines," came a steely voice.

He whirled round to see Nessa standing there with her arms folded. Keith was at her side, looking around appreciatively, oblivious to the disdainful expression on his goddaughter's face. "John!" he said and pulled him into a hard but brief hug. "All finished yet?"

"That's it!" John replied and eyed the Rolls Royce trundling up the driveway, it's black paint gleaming in the sun. Time to go.

Nessa looked up at John reproachfully and said nothing. Feeling wounded, John looked away. He knew he'd angered her, scared her even. The look on her face when he'd marched out with that shotgun..... The tears.....

"Well, I'll go and get behind the wheel of that beauty!" Keith said happily, eyeing the Rolls as one might eye a delicious looking cake in the window of a shop. "I hope the airport is miles away, John! I tell you, I do love your cars...." he walked off, muttering to himself.

A light breeze ruffled Nessa's curly hair as she stood near John. She watched Jack play with Flynn on the lawn beside the house. "Is that your dog?"

"Yeah, that's Flynn."

John caught Nessa smiling at the animal. "He's beautiful. But I hope you don't turn your gun on him."

"Nessa.... please..."

She shook her head. "It's fine."

"But it's not, is it?" John said, looking at her earnestly. He could tell she was still stung.

"It is, I mean it!" She finally met his eyes. "I forgive you."

"Really?" John was bemused.

"Yes," she replied softly and pulled something out of her pocket. A folded sheet of paper. "I got your note."

"What?"

Nessa blinked. "You left this on my table this morning. Along with the flowers. Didn't you? It's from you." She held it out to him tentatively, feeling embarrassed. John took it from her, his heart leaping as his finger brushed hers.

His eyes scanned the letter.

Dearest Nessa,

I'm dreadfully sorry that I upset you. It pained me to see how what I did affected you so. I do hope I can make it up to you in some way? Anything at all.  
Please don't judge me too harshly - I have my faults. But you coming here means a lot to me and I do hope that you will influence my behaviour for the better!  
Meanwhile, I leave you with my sincerest apologies.

John.

John looked down at Nessa who was biting her lip nervously. "I... I didn't leave this with you. The flowers however.... that was me."

"How did you know I loved dahlias?" Nessa said. Her tone was soft, appreciative. But when she looked at the letter her face fell. "Then who sent this?"

John shrugged. "But even so. I am sorry, Nessa. I really am. I didn't realise that not everyone isn't as lovely and kind as you are." He watched Nessa flush pink and tried to slow his breathing. "I owe you one."

"What for?" Nessa asked, feeling as if the rest of the world had mysteriously fallen away. John had that effect on her. Like she was the only person on Earth.

"For all the work you've done for me," smiled John. "And, according to Mr Anonymous here," he waved the letter, "you influence my good behaviour."

Nessa finally smiled. "I do enjoy the work, Mr Entwistle. And I love it here at Quarwood. I really do."

"Really?"

"Yes," she said, gazing up at the high walls. "It's like a castle!" She laughed at her childish excitement.

John found himself stuck for words. He was utterly dumbfounded by Nessa. She was one of very few people who treated him like a real human. Not like a rockstar, not like a celebrity, not like an object. Since they'd first met at Keith's anniversary party, John couldn't get her out of his head.

A horn honked and they looked round to see Keith sitting at the wheel of the Rolls. He waved and tapped his watch with one finger.

"Look," John said, slipping on a smart leather jacket over his blue shirt. "I have to go."

"How long will you be away for?"

He grimaced. "Three months! America and Europe."

"Well.." Nessa didn't know what to say. "Enjoy yourself?!"

John chuckled and handed the letter back to her. "I'll miss you!" He said this in a light tone, but even so, the two felt a jolt of excitement.

"Thanks for the flowers, John," Nessa said softly. "I love them."

"Hey, not a problem," he replied and turned to walk to the car. But he stopped and beamed over at Nessa. "You called me John!"

Feeling embarrassed, Nessa shuffled her feet. "I did it when I shouted at you the other day."

"So you did," John smiled. "But that didn't count."

"I kind of feel bad for that," said Nessa, her green eyes remorseful. 

He walked back towards her, resisting the strong urge to put his arms around her. "Don't be! You had every right to. I was being a bastard and a cruel one at that." He flinched as Keith honked the horn again. "I'd better go." He gently picked up Nessa's hand and kissed it. "Goodbye, Nessa."

With that, he was gone. Nessa watched him climb into the back of the Rolls and waved at Keith. Flynn trotted over and sat on his haunches, tongue hanging out. He gazed adoringly up at Nessa, pleased to make a new friend. She bent down to stroke his shaggy head and grinned up at the freckled. young lad who walked over with a stick in his hand.

"'Allo!" he said in a thick Cockney twang and extended a hand. "I'm Jack. Are you Nessa? Mr Entwistle talks about you a lot!"

Nessa blushed. "I don't believe that!"

"Are... are you and him, like, a couple?" asked Jack, arching an eyebrow. "He seems sweet on you."

Shaking her head profusely, Nessa giggled at Flynn as he licked her face. "No! Nothing like that." A grin was spread on her face but that faded as soon as she felt the soft crackle of the letter in her pocket.


	15. The Letter

Nessa made her way back into the house, Flynn trotting at her heels. She had never been fond of dogs but there was something about Flynn's unconditional love for every human who laid eyes on him that appealed to her. The sounds of tyres crunching on gravel were fading and Nessa felt a strange emptiness inside of her. What would she be doing for the next three months?

She entered the vast hall and started up the staircase, admiring old photographs and newspaper cuttings from the Who's heyday in frames on the walls. She yelped in surprise as she turned the corner. Flynn stopped in his tracks, cocking his head at the sight.

"He's gone, has he?" squeaked Maxene. She was perched on the very top step, knees hugged to her chest. There were black streaks running down her face where he make-up had smeared.

"Maxene?" Nessa was surprised. "I thought you'd have gone with Joh - Mr Entwistle."

She gave a dismissive sort of hiccuping snort - half laughing, half crying. "I wouldn't go anywhere with that man!" She bit back a sob, anxiously twisting her hands together. She looked utterly devastated and Nessa began to feel sympathy eat away at her heart.

"What happened?" Nessa asked, sitting just below her on the stairs. She mussed Flynn's ears and he gazed at her adoringly with his large, doe-like eyes.

Sniffing, Maxene pulled out a handkerchief from her jeans pocket. She dabbed at her eyes with it and grimaced as it came away black with mascara. "We're finished. It's over." To make the point, she tugged hard at the gold ring on her left hand until it slipped off. With a fierce expression on her face she hurled it down the stairs and watched it bounce off the bannister and roll all the way into the kitchen on the opposite side of the hall. 

Nessa didn't know what to do. She had utterly despised the inferior way that Maxene had treated her over the last few weeks and felt a pang of despair that she hadn't gone off on tour with John and the Who. And yet Nessa couldn't bear to see her looking so upset.

"H-he was getting too much for me," elaborated Maxene. Her chin rested on the tops of her knees, looking unusually dishevelled in a flannel shirt and jeans. "All the fighting and other women and the drugs...." she laughed. "I was into that stuff too. But John takes everything to the next level." 

"Maxene..." said Nessa softly and laid a comforting hand on her shoulder. "I'm so sorry."

But Maxene had fire in her eyes and she roughly shrugged off Nessa's hand. "You're part of it."

"Excuse me?"

"Don't play dumb with me!" Maxene said with venom in her voice as she stood up, wobbling in her high heels. Even with less glamorous clothes, her high heels still remained. Flynn eyed her critically, sitting on his haunches. "I know about you and him!"

"There's nothing between John and I," said Nessa calmly, spreading her hands in a placating gesture. "He's my employer, that's all. I've only known him for a month!"

Maxene shook her head, face flushed red with rage. She gave Nessa one last glare, the comical effect of her smudged make-up now replaced with a mask of fury. "Then why does he keep saying your name in his sleep?"

She barged past Nessa, down the stairs and out of the door

..................................

One month later 

It was a Tuesday evening when Nessa found the letter. Still giddy with laughter from her past conversation with Kip and Linda, she bent down and picked it up. The address was neatly inked in the centre and a first class stamp sat in the corner. She didn't recognise the handwriting.

"I'll come down in a moment!" called Nessa as Linda asked her if she wanted a cup of tea. Making her way into her bedroom, she set the letter down on her dressing table and shrugged off her cardigan. She flung it onto the back of the chair and smiled at a sleeping Lyle who was curled up on the end of her bed.

Flynn, also curled up on the bed, was wide awake and wagged his tail happily as he saw Nessa. After much pleading with Jack - one of John's gardeners - Nessa had managed to wangle ownership of the beautiful dog while his master was away on tour. She had fallen in love with the friendly, loyal animal and he seemed to get on well with Lyle.

"Hey, boy," she whispered and perched on the bed beside him, fondling his ears affectionately. His pink tongue lolled from his mouth and he seemed to be beaming up at her - dogs always seemed to be smiling. 

Nessa undressed and slipped on her dressing gown, relishing the warmth of the fabric. As she seated herself at her dressing table and brushed her long, curly hair, John unexpectedly floated to the surface of her mind.

The man cracked a beautiful smile and he laughed softly. "Well, I think you look lovely. It's just a shame I had to go and spoil it! I'm John, by the way."  
Nessa gently shook his outstretched hand. Hers was small in his. "Nessa."

The memory of their first meeting was still fresh in her mind. It seemed like only yesterday that they'd met though it was more than a month ago. She had had no inkling of the wealth and fame of John Entwistle - she had only been impressed by his attentive manner and kind smile. The red wine stain on the dress she'd worn that night had eventually come out but Nessa had secretly hoped that it wouldn't. She wanted all the reminders in the world that she'd met John. But why was she so terrified when the memory of his hand reaching to touch her cheek or the thought of him kissing her hand? 

Why was she so overwhelmed with curiosity? Why John?

Nessa shook her head and set down her hairbrush. The letter sat upon the table top and she began to open in, hands shaking at the thought of who it might be.

She held her breath as she began to read.

My dearest Nessa,

It has been such a long time since we last spoke and I do hope I didn't put you off with my riveting conversation when we all met for dinner at the White Lion last December!

Nessa let her breath out in one big sigh. Michael.

Lizzie and I have been worried sick about you! We haven't had a single letter or phone call from you since then. Have you been busy with university work? I have been busy at the law firm and Liz has been snowed under with her articles... we can relate to the stresses of university life!

We have some news for you! We would very much like to meet you soon in Stow-on-the-Wold and we can tell you. Liz especially is dying to see you. Please call us so we can arrange a date!

We're thinking of you, little sister.

All our love, Mike and Liz xx

Call us on 0190278 2701

Nessa put the letter down and folded her arms. It had been a long time since she'd heard from Michael McMaster - her prospective brother in law. He had been engaged to Nessa's sister Elizabeth for the last year and there had been no mention of a wedding due to their demanding careers: a lawyer and a journalist.

The two lived all the way up in Edinburgh and arranging a meeting was usually difficult to fit around their busy schedules and Nessa's lectures. But now it seemed they had news. A date for a wedding, perhaps?

Nessa wasn't sure but she knew that seeing them again would be uncomfortable. She and her sister didn't get on as well as most siblings and she mightily disapproved of Michael, thinking him a pompous egomaniac with too much money and status. 

But if there was any chance of Nessa taking her mind off John then she welcomed it. Maxene's words still rung in her ears.

Did John really say her name in his sleep?

................................ 

"So it's all the way in Paris then?" Linda squealed excitedly as she admired the diamond ring on Elizabeth's hand. It looked very expensive.

Liz nodded, tossing her chestnut coloured hair. "It's where we met so we thought it'd be a nice touch." She glanced at her younger sister. "It'll be good for you to get some foreign air!"

"What do you mean?" Nessa laughed and sipped at her iced tea. They were all perched on plastic chairs round a table at Mabel's Teashop in Glendower Street, Michael McMaster and Nessa's sister looking rather out of place in their designer clothes.

"I mean that you need a bit of a change of scenery," said Liz, laying a hand on Nessa's arm. "Mum was telling me you were a bit stressed with university work."

Nessa raised her eyebrows at Liz's concern. "Well, I do find it very lovely here. But I can't say no to France!" She grinned at the prospect of a holiday. "When were you planning it?"

"23rd of September," said Michael, stirring another sugar into his coffee. "We'd love it if you could all come." He nodded at Linda and Kip who beamed with excitement.

"We'd be delighted," Kip said. "We should all be free then!" He glanced at Nessa out of the corner of his eye. "If Nessa's not busy."

"Shut up!" Nessa laughed.

"No," said Kip. "I mean I hope John lets you off work then. He's been asking a lot of you recently."

Liz looked suspiciously at Nessa, who froze. She hadn't mentioned a word of her employment to her sister and had begged Linda and Kip not to say. Her sister took every opportunity to belittle Nessa on her chosen career and she would flip if she found out she was working for a rockstar.

"Who's John?" asked Michael. He was a tall man with slicked back blond hair and discerning brown eyes. He wore a simple white shirt and jeans but both were ironed to perfection and hadn't a smudge on them.

Nessa glared at Kip. She cleared her throat. "John is my employer. I've got some local accountancy work."

"Oh, good!" cooed Liz, clapping her manicured hands. "I'm glad you finally saw sense! Is it well-payed."

"Errrm..."

"She's freelance, our Nessie," said Kip, slinging an arm round Nessa. His touch felt cold and stony - uncomfortable. "For free."

"What?!" Michael spluttered on his coffee, showering droplets onto the tabletop. "You are working for this man for free?!"

Liz looked pityingly at her sister. "Nessa, if you're employed then you should be getting paid! Is this man trustworthy? Who is he?"

"He's John Ent - " Kip began but Linda dug him hard in the ribs, giving him a glare that'd melt steel. He sat back in his chair looking like nothing had happened, his cool blue eyes staring straight ahead. A strange feeling crept up on Nessa. She'd known Kip for a long time but now something was off. She felt doubtful about him. Nervous. 

Michael dabbed at his spilled coffee with a napkin. "I don't care who he is! But if you're slaving away for nothing then I will get involved!" He pulled a small rectangle of card from his jeans pocket and handed it to Nessa. "Give this to him." It was a business card imprinted with Michael's law firm. 

Nessa was disgusted. "What if I volunteered?"

"Don't be silly, Ness," said Liz, flapping her hands nervously in the air.

"No! I told him I didn't want money." Michael and Liz were dumbfounded. "He offered to pay but I declined.She promptly ripped the business card in two and dropped it on the table beside her empty glass. "Thanks for your concern but I am very content with my work."

Linda grabbed Nessa's arm as she stood up. "You wanna go?"

"Yeah. See you around." She shot one last withering glance at her sister and Michael.

The two friends stood up and made a move to leave but Kip remained seated. He looked up at them with cold eyes. "I'm going to stay a little longer. You go on. I'll catch up."

......................................

"Do you still want to go to the wedding?" asked Linda. They were seated on the living room sofa, glad to have some alone time to talk.

Nessa shrugged. "She's my sister so I guess I'll have to."

"But the nerve that she's got!" Linda said. "And that Michael. He seems like a bit of a pompous git if you ask me."

"I completely agree. It's the constant 'Mum says you're down' and 'Mum says you need some fresh air' that I can't stand."

"I'm lucky as my mum didn't care what I did," Linda said sympathetically. "You're so brave. She didn't care when I got with Kip..." she trailed off. Speaking of Kip, where was he?

Nessa smiled. "Oh, I remember your mother. Right bundle of joy she was!"

"Got that right," Linda sighed and jumped about a foot in the air as the phone on the coffee table began to ring. The two girls stared at it in confusion. No one usually rang the living room phone. They each had their own numbers. Who could it be?

Opting to be brave, Nessa reached over and picked up the receiver. "Hello?"

"Nessa?"

Nessa's heart jolted. She knew that voice. "John?!"

"Oh, I'm glad I found you!" he said and Nessa felt a strange warmth spread through her body. The thrum of his voice was so familiar. 

"H-how are you?" 

"I'm very well, thanks," said John. He sounded out of breath. "I just wanted to see how you were... Jack rang to say you're looking after Flynn?"

Linda was looking at her friend knowingly, unsure of what to do. She knew that Nessa still resented John's strange behaviour but she also knew that Nessa forgave easily. Linda crossed her legs and pretended to occupy herself in a magazine. She listened intently, trying to hear the conversation.

"Yes, I'm sorry if you were worrying about him! I-I just think he's a lovely dog and my cat seems to like him and I love walking him and I didn't want you to worry and...."

"Nessa!" laughed John. "Slow down. It's alright! I trust you."

I trust you...

"If you're sure?"

"One hundred percent," he confirmed. Nessa could hear raised voices and laughter from his end. 

"Where are you?"

"San Antonio, Texas," he replied and sighed. "It's going great but sometimes I miss home!"

Nessa dithered. It was quite something hearing his voice and she ached to tell him she missed him. It was ridiculous how she had only known him two months and now she was ready to open her heart to him. He was an enigma - an unpredictable one at that - but Nessa had come to realise how much she was fascinated with him.

"Nessa?"

She realised she hadn't replied and cleared her throat. Linda was staring at her. "Sorry. Sorry. I... I hope you come back soon." She grimaced and felt her face heat up with shame. It had just slipped out.

John was silent for a minute and Nessa thought she'd blown it. "I want to come back very much. It's just not the same on tour anymore. Our new drummer is fantastic but.... but it's not like it was before with Moony."

Remembering what Keith had said about how much John missed his best friend and former Who drummer, Nessa felt a pang of sadness. The poor man. She couldn't imagine her best friend suddenly dying....

"John, I'm so sorry about Moon. And Maxene... I heard you two split."

"What?" He seemed to be laughing. "Oh, Nessa. Has Keith been preaching my woes to you again?!"

"I, I just thought you were upset about it! Plus Maxene told me herself that you weren't together anymore."

"Did she?" said John rather sharply. He corrected himself. "It was heading that way since the beginning if I'm honest. Was she upset?"

"Umm. Rather, yes. I don't think she liked me much anyway."

John seemed surprised. "Really? How could anyone not like you?" He laughed softly at himself as he spoke.

Nessa sighed. It was impossible talking to John without feeling shy. But something popped into her head. Something her sister had said....

"If there's anyone you want to take to our wedding then don't hesitate! It'd be lovely to see you out with a young man, Ness. It's about time you did!"

Nessa had snorted in amusement at the notion... but now she had an idea. Her sister wanted her to bring someone along? She'd get what she wanted. "John?" she asked nervously and winked at Linda.

"Hmmm?"

"I have something to ask of you..."

But as Nessa started to speak the front door swung open with a bang. Linda jumped to her feet. She looked.... frightened.   
Kip stalked in, hair ruffled from the light breeze outside. In his hand he held aloft a dark blue notebook.

"Look what I found, Nessie," he said, his tone robotic and unfeeling.

It was Nessa's diary.


	16. Oh What A Night (Part 1)

"Is that what you're worried about? Seeming stupid in front of some friends? You're the life and soul of the party, you and Linda are. You'll be fine! Everyone likes you, cos you're so likeable."

Kip's face changed. Nessa pondered the expression, never seeing anything like it before.

"Oh, good. I'd hate to be an insensible, foolish child, wouldn't I?"   
He grinned one last time and disappeared from view. Nessa frowned. What was he digging at? 

Nessa snatched the diary back, ice cold water flooding her veins. Linda was white as a sheet and seemed to be inching closer towards Nessa and away from the cold-eyed Kip standing in the doorway.

The words he'd spoken to her a month back rung in her ears. And the truth dawned on her. 

27/05/80 - K was teasing me about 'Nessie' again - such an insensible, foolish child!

Her diary entry from that day in May. And then Kip had uttered those exact words to her the next week.

Kip shrugged, his blond hair bouncing. He'd clocked that Nessa knew. "I read it all the time!"

"Kip!"

"What? There's nothing to be ashamed about, Nessa," he said coldly, staring at the little notebook with ravenous eyes. "I'm just upset that you weren't able to write anything about dear John."

Nessa swallowed. "It wasn't yours to read."

"I'm a man, Nessa. I can do what I like." He turned to leer at Linda who gave a little squeak of terror. "And how are you, dear?"

"Leave me alone!" she said shrilly, looking petrified, the whites of her eyes visible. Nessa was mightily confused. Linda scared of Kip? They loved each other, didn't they? They were inseperable.

Kip made a move to Linda but Nessa bravely stood in front of her best friend. "Whatever you've been up to while I was away," she said cautiously, not liking the stony look on Kip's face. "It has to stop. You're scaring her!"

"Silly girl," he dismissed and rolled his eyes. "It's you I love, Nessa."

What?

"Fuck off!" said Nessa, shocking herself with the venom in her voice. "You only love yourself. And are you drunk?" she asked suspiciously as she eyed him. He was swaying slightly from side to side.

"Hell yes!" he belched and waggled his eyebrows. "Now then, Ness." He staggered over to the sofa and flopped down. Linda and Nessa stepped back. "How is John?"

"He's away on tour."

"Shame. You miss him, don't you?"

"I miss the work," Nessa said, not sure what he was digging at.

Kip smiled. "Do you? I thought you missed John more? Did you like the letter he sent you?"

"What are you talking about?" asked Nessa but the truth was clawing at her like a wild animal. Her hand went to her skirt pocket. The faint crinkle of paper. Kip's eyes followed her hand. 

"You keep his letter close? How touching. If it was his letter..."

Linda gasped. "You sent that?!"

"Of course I did!" Kip said, tutting at her as if the answer was obvious. He had a piercing gaze, full of cold fury and contempt and Linda slipped her hand into Nessa's. Nessa squeezed it tightly.

"You bastard!" Linda screeched, tears running down her face. 

"It's alright," Nessa muttered. "I had a feeling it was him." She stared down her former friend with an aching sadness. What had she done to deserve such cruel treatment? She remembered all the times Kip and Linda and Nessa had had. Good times. Precious times. What happened to the Kip she knew? And, as fear clutched at her heart, what had he been doing to Linda while she was away?

"Why?" asked Linda to Kip. "Just, why?"

He looked up with unfocused eyes. "Because I was bored! Plus I knew of Nessa's fanciful dreaming of John and I decided to have some fun!"

Nessa bristled. "If you think there's anything going on between John and I..."

"I know it, Ness," he said and shook his head pityingly. "You don't say much in your sleep apart from 'John!', 'John!'" He giggled at Nessa's angry red face. "Come on, Nessa. I know you!"

"Just shut up, Kip!" Linda said, starting to cry. "You're drunk!" She grabbed Nessa's arm. "Please, Ness. Please can we leave here?!"

Nessa stared at her best friend. She stared. And stared. A faint purple smudge could be seen on the side of Linda's left cheek. Very carefully, Nessa took her handkerchief from her pocket and rubbed at the stain. Powdery make-up came off onto the fabric, leaving a large, blotchy bruise obscuring Linda's beautiful fair skin.

Pure fury bubbled up inside Nessa and she felt herself tremble uncontrollably. She watched as tears dribbled down Linda's cheeks, running over her ugly bruise. She watched Kip's hard, unfeeling glare.

"Flynn?!" Nessa hollered, grabbing her coat from the back of the armchair. "Lyle? Come here, boy. Come here." She walked backwards a few paces to glance into the kitchen. She didn't dare take her eyes off Kip for one second. Now that she knew what he was capable of. Kip was reclined on the sofa, now sound asleep, snoring piggishly as a little dribble of saliva hung from the corner of his mouth.

Nessa felt a strange emotion seep into her mind - loathing.

Lyle, tail held high, trotted into the room. Following a little way behind was Flynn. He had his pink tongue hanging out and he seemed to smile up at Nessa as he reached her. She patted his head, feeling instantly calmer. 

"Ness?!" Linda asked her. "What do we do? Where do we go?" She looked fearfully over at Kip. He was still asleep. But the horrid thought that he may wake up still ate at their hearts. They had to decide. Fast.

Shrugging on her coat and clipping Flynn's lead onto his collar, Nessa hesitated. Where could she go? Quarwood? Surely not. It was all closed up while John was away. But where else! Her sister and Michael lived down in London and her parents were back up in Scotland.....

"Nessa?!" pleased Linda, picking up Lyle and cuddling him. He seemed to detect her distress and he began purring contentedly. "Where?! I want to be as far from here....."

"I know you do, "said Nessa, squeezing her hand. She screwed up her eyes in concentration. "Oh, I need to make a phone call."

"What?"

"I will be five minutes, I promise."

"But Kip will wake up!"

But Nessa had already picked up the phone. Her shaking hands dialled the number etched on the surface of her mind and waited, hearing Linda's quiet sobs. Flynn looked up at Nessa, his dark eyes calming her. "Hello?"

"John!"

"Oh, Nessa," John replied warmly. This time there were no background voices. Just him. He sounded tired, his voice slow and deep. "I was just thinking about you."

"You were?" There was no mistaking the hitch in her voice.

"Of course I was. Are you alright?" He added, hearing Linda crying. "What's happened?"

"We... we find ourselves in need of residence, John."

............................................

It was midnight. Linda was sound asleep beside Nessa, sobs subsided and replaced by her gentle snoring. She was curled up with Lyle on her pillow underneath the silk sheets.

Nessa had her knees hugged to her chest and was staring out of the window. It was raining and the droplets hit the windows, pattering softly. On the table beside the bed sat a lamp, a packet of cigarettes and an old photograph of a man and a woman, recently married. Nessa stared at it curiously and smiled as she recognised the young man in the gilt frame. 

She traced her hand gently over the silk coverlets, unable to stop herself feeling slightly giddy. They smelled of him. Lying back on the pillows and trying to drift off to sleep, she smiled as Flynn jumped up onto the foot of the bed and curled up. He warmed her feet through the covers.

She closed her eyes and turned over, warmth spreading through her body. 

She slept on John's side of the bed.

..............................

"London?!" Linda squealed as they bundled into a taxi. She seemed very chipper after spending the night at Quarwood. A good sleep seemed to perk her up. She was in awe of the house and spent most of the morning creeping round the rooms and giving little gasps of delight every now and then.

"That's what he said," said Nessa and set Lyle on her lap in his cat carrier. He yowled at her mournfully. "The Apollo, I think."

"I went there with Dad when I was little," Linda said and watched the Gloucestershire countryside roll into view as they crunched out of the gravel driveway. Quarwood disappeared from view and Nessa sighed. The place had grown on her.

"John said they're loud," chuckled Nessa. "Very loud."

"They were the loudest in the world once." Linda turned to look at her friend. Her bruise took up a good half of her left cheek. "And since when were you on first name terms?"

Nessa blushed. "Well, I've known him for a while now.... and he wanted me to call him that."

"Uh-huh."

They sat in silence as the taxi driver babbled on about his family and, realising he was boring them, switched on the radio.

"You better you better you bet, whooooooo.

You better you better you bet....."

Linda nudged her best friend. "That's John."

"What?"

"The Who! It's their latest single. I love it." She sighed and hummed along to the first verse. "Kip played it to death while you were away." Her lower lip trembled.

"Oh, Lin," Nessa said and leaned over to hug her. "I'm so sorry."

A tear rolled down Linda's cheek. Lyle crawled off Nessa's lap and onto Linda's. Flynn - sitting in the boot of the taxi - leaned his great grey head over the seats and licked Linda's ear. "I... I don't know why I didn't say anything."

"This has been going on for a while?"

She nodded. "Since last year."

Nessa's eyes widened. "I didn't know..." She felt distraught. All that time of her best friend suffering.... and she had no idea.

"I didn't want you to," said Linda and patted Nessa's hand. "I didn't want you to worry."

"But - "

"No!" smiled Linda. "It was... was not so bad then. He only started... hitting me after you left."

Nessa clenched her fists. "That sick creep. And he sent that fucking letter!"

"I know. He told me he was just writing to you himself! I had no idea he was trying to play mind games..... pretend John loved you."

Nessa said nothing and Linda interpreted her silence as anger. She looped her arm through hers. "Never mind about that. We'll have a girl's day out in London, eh?"

"Yeah..." Nessa said vaguely. She was terribly worried about her friend but her mind kept drifting to John. Always John. Last night after calling him, he'd immediately offered his room at Quarwood for them to use. He admitted with a laugh that he kept a spare key under the flowerpot beside the back door and Nessa and Linda had full roam of the house.

He hadn't pushed her for explanations, sensing she was in need. Nessa was eternally grateful for him and was touched by his concern, especially when he'd insisted they come down to London to see the Who on the last date of their tour. They'd had to cut it short. They'd cancelled various American concerts due to financial difficulty (Nessa had to laugh) and Nessa was secretly pleased that John would be back early. In truth, she'd missed him.

"You like him, don't you?" Linda asked gently.

Nessa looked at her, her cheeks tinged pink. She couldn't hide it for much longer. "Yes, Linda. I do. Very much."


	17. Oh What A Night (Part 2)

Five o clock. Linda was seated at the dressing table in the corner of their hotel room, carefully applying a thick layer of make-up to the bruise on her cheek. Every time Nessa looked at it she felt a pang of pure fury boil up inside her. She wanted answers from Linda but Linda was still in denial.

Nessa was shut in the bathroom as she tried to squeeze into a skirt that Linda had brought for her. Linda had a very slim figure which made it slightly difficult for Nessa to slip into the garment. She huffed angrily and pulled at the zip up the back to secure it.

"Not too bad," she mumbled at her reflection in the mirror. It was a knee length pencil skirt, navy blue in colour, paired with a white shirt and black flat-heeled shoes. She tied her hair back with her favourite red ribbon and turned the door handle. "Well?"

Linda stared at her in the mirror before wheeling round. "Oh, Ness! You look gorgeous."

"Steady on!"

"I'm serious!" Linda said earnestly. Through the thick layer of powder, her bruise was still noticeable. She saw Nessa staring and bit her lip. "I... I don't want people saying anything."

Nessa walked over at hug her. "I'll make sure they don't."

"I love you, Nessa. But you can't punch your way out of a wet paper bag!"

"You'd be surprised," said Nessa, chuckling.

"But I'm amazed at how you dealt with Kip."

They fell silent at his name, even Flynn who was curled up on the bed, stopped wagging his tail. 

"I haven't even started with that bastard," said Nessa viciously. She walked back to her suitcase and unfolded her clothes, putting them away in the drawers. "I want answers, you know."

"Nessa..."

"No! I want to know," her voice was shaking. The anger was still catching up with her. "How long?"

Sighing, Linda set down her make-up brush. "I told you. Just after you left!"

"Don't lie."

The emotion in Linda's voice was so thick that it made Nessa snap out of her furious trance and rush over to her best friend. She erupted in floods of tears. "I always knew something was up! It just seemed too good to be true. He was so nice after my mum was getting at me and I thought I could trust him." She took a deep shaking breath, trying to steady herself. "He was possessive... Angry when I talked to any guy other than him."

"Like that time in Brighton?" Nessa asked, nodding. Last year they'd gone on holiday to Brighton for the weekend and a cheerful waiter at a restaurant had attempted to flirt with Linda. Nothing serious, just light-hearted fun. Kip had been horrified. That fiery look in his pale face... 

"Yeah, like that time," Linda sniffed. "But he never hit me so I thought it couldn't be that bad! You remember our friend Leah? Her Ben used to flatten her! I just assumed that if they're shouting at you then it could be a lot worse."

Nessa clenched her fists. "You should have said!"

"I know, I know!" sobbed Linda and took Nessa's hand in hers. "I wanted to but he... he threatened me. Threatened he'd start on you."

"Let him try!"

"No, Ness," said Linda seriously. "You don't know what he can do. He was... evil. That's the only way I can describe him. Manipulative, cruel. Violent towards the end."

"Was that the only time he hit you?" Nessa asked shakily as she pointed to Linda's cheek.

"No. Just slapping before.... but nothing that bad." She touched the bruise lightly with her fingertip and winced. "I threatened to tell you he'd been keeping your diary."

"Y-you knew?" Nessa asked, shocked. She had her suspicions that Kip may be involved but she had no idea Linda knew. She tried to brush back the feeling of being betrayed.

It must have shown in her face as Linda hung her head. "I wanted to. I wanted to. I did, I promise... but I was so frightened." She looked distraught. Nessa pulled her into a tight hug, feeling Linda's tears run down her neck.

"He was jealous of you and John."

"Why?" Nessa was incredulous, forgetting to rectify herself that

Linda shrugged. "He had a thing for every woman out there... including your sister."

"What?!"

"He stayed behind to talk to them remember? He'd always said he fancied Elizabeth and I wager he was trying to get her alone. Plus... he wanted information on you."

Nessa snorted. "Liz is too attached to Michael! And what would he want with me anyway?"

"I don't know.... he wants to find out if you're really with John." Linda couldn't help but smile. "He was right about that."

"No he's not," said Nessa hotly. "I like him, admire him, but that's all! He was kind to me."

Watching her best friend, Linda shook her head and smiled proudly. "Don't lie, Nessie. You love him."

"Linda!" Nessa sighed and buried her face in her hands. "Don't do this to me. I... I like John very much, I'll grant you that, but John is older than me, richer than me and more famous than me. I have no chance."

........................................

The girl in the headscarf was clutching a microphone. "Hello, everyone!" she said, looking surprised at the volume of her voice through the speakers. "I'm Linda! This is Nessa, and this is Kip," she said, gesturing to her friends. The blond boy - Kip - waved confidently, grinning profuself. Nessa looked extremely shy, nodding her head in acknowledgement. John suddenly felt a strange urge to go and comfort her.... 

John and Nessa had switched places since that night at Keith and Audrey's anniversary party.  
John stood stock-still up onstage wielding a magnificent Alembic bass, his fingers like lightning over the frets.   
Nessa was seated next to Linda in the fifth row from the front of stage.  
Unaware of her whereabouts, John's eyes scanned the seething mass of the crowd. He tried to keep his mind focused on the music but she was always at the forefront.

Where was she?

Roger twirled his microphone, sweat pouring down his face as he paraded in front of Kenney's drums.  
As Pete windmilled and jumped around like a maniac, brandishing a gold-coloured guitar he glanced over at John.  
Something was up.

"Oy!" he shouted over at John. "Get back to Earth!"

John glared at him. "Fuck off."

The crowd bayed for more as they finished their set. Hundreds, thousands of people cheering and screaming and clapping. John watched it all with a look of amusement on his face. Tonight seemed different. The thrill of live performance didn't seem to be working its magic this time as John's mind was otherwise occupied.

"Still hung up on the schoolgirl?" Pete sneered and swung his arm, generating insistent whining and wailing sounds from his guitar.

In a split second John had marched across the stage and had Pete by the throat. There was a stunned silence from the crowd and some even laughed, thinking it a joke.

The lights on the set went out and Kenney escaped the drumkit and dived for the relative safety of backstage.

"Thank you and goodnight!" Roger said quickly. The crowd booed but reluctantly got to their feet as the auditorium lights came back on. He hurried off stage and prepared for the worst. Pete and John had been very cold towards each other recently.

"What the hell was that for?!" Pete was shouting, fiddling with his rumpled collar.

John snorted. "You know damn well what!"

"No I fucking don't!"

"You're pretty thick for an intellectual, as you so often call yourself."

"Why you little..."

Roger matched up. "Stop this right now. What the hell is going on?" He glanced nervously at John who's eyes were blazing.

Pete pointed an accusing finger at John. "Ask him!"

Roger just shook his head. "You know what?! I'm not fucking bothered. Just don't kill each other before the press conference tomorrow. I'm off." He stalked off, muttering under his breath.

"Why did you go for him John?" Kenney asked mildly when Pete was out of earshot. He was kicking his guitar case viciously. Kenney was very wary of John's clenched fists and his deep breathing.

Slowly, after a moment to calm down, John turned to smile weakly at Kenney. "Pete being Pete. That's all I can say."

Vague as ever. John the enigma. He turned to walk away but Kenney laid a hand on his shoulder. "If it was the girl, she was here. I saw her."

"Really?"

Kenney nodded.

"Oh, right. Thanks, Ken."

"Anytime." He watched John slope off towards the exit door and shook his head. "Poor sod."

He set about packing away his drum sticks and wiped his face with a towel. Suddenly he felt a light tap on his shoulder.  
A very pretty, dark-haired young woman stood behind him.  
He stared at her, thinking hard. "Nessa?"

She nodded. "I remember you. Kenney, right?" She shook his hand. "I think you were drunk the last time we spoke."

Laughing, Kenney replied "That doesn't surprise me." He cocked his head to the side. "You looking for John?"

"Y-yes. Has he been around...?"

He smiled at her and pointed kindly in the direction of the exit door. "He went that way about thirty seconds ago."

Nessa nodded. "Thanks, Kenney." Feeling her heartbeat in her mouth she walked robotically towards the door. The fear building up inside her was eating away at her heart but she knew she had to do it. She hadn't seen John in weeks and the recognition that she had come to feel so keenly for him had hit her like a tonne of bricks.

But would John feel the same? The answer to that could be anything and Nessa spent a few moments planning how she'd make a quick, embarrassed getaway if he didn't feel that way. She turned a sharp corner and collided with someone.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" she spluttered, the wind knocked from her lungs.

A pair of large, cool hands closed round her upper arms and she gazed up into a pair of very familiar eyes. "John?"

"The third time you've nearly knocked me flying," said John fondly. "I have missed it." He gave her arms a quick squeeze and released her. "You're just as beautiful as I left you."

"If you're trying to make me squirm you're succeeding," Nessa muttered but couldn't help smiling. John looked dashing in a pair of navy blue pinstriped trousers, a white shirt with the sleeves rolled to the elbows and his favourite blue Cuban heeled boots.

"I was trying, love," he smiled and moved to let someone pass. They made their way out of the little corridor and through a door into what looked like a dressing room. There was a large mirror on one wall and a table and chairs in the corner. The walls were faded grey and peeling and the lightbulb flickered. A leather jacket was carefully folded over one of the chair. "Not exactly the Ritz," sighed John as he pulled out a chair for Nessa. "Please."

She took it gratefully, smoothing her skirt over her legs as she seated herself. John perched on the edge of the table and opened a packet of cigarettes. "Oh, sorry. Do you mind?"

Nessa shook her head but was unable to keep the scowl of disdain from contorting her face. Chuckling softly, John slid the packet back into his pockets. "Don't feel like it anyway." He watched Nessa, head tilted to the side. "You're quiet, Nessa. Are you alright?"

She looked at him. "I... I don't know." And she burst into tears. Hating herself for it, she tried desperately to stop the tears and took several calming breaths. John seemed unabated by her outburst and silently handed her a tissue. "Thanks. I'm so sorry."

"Don't be. You... sounded rather upset on the phone." He needed to know. Nessa had only known John for a few months but she felt she could trust him more than anyone. 

She sat back in her chair, blowing her nose. "Kip. Kip, our roommate. He was abusing Linda. Hitting her. Manipulating her. Me as well." John looked sternly at her, shocked. She nodded. "He sent that bloody letter."

"Which one?"

Nessa blinked. "The one with the flowers. The one that you didn't write."

"I sent many letters, Nessa," said John, scratching the back of his neck. His hair was shorter now and had more silver to it. His facial hair was more silvery too and gave him a mature, distinguished air. "A lot of them. Including one which... never mind." He shook his head. "Never mind."

"What? Tell me, John."

He looked at her with a sheepish expression in his beautiful eyes. "I... I told you I loved you."

Nessa felt her entire body freeze, her blood turning to ice. Her throat closed up and no words came out, only shaking breaths. But she was still puzzled. "I didn't receive any letters. Nothing."

"I'm pretty sure of my own address," John tried to joke. "I just thought you'd ignored me!"

"I'd never do that! I didn't know you'd sent anything! " Nessa said, upset he'd think she'd sink that low. Then a terrible thought crept up on her. "Kip..."

"What?"

"Kip must have intercepted those letters. Somehow. I don't know how... Oh, God." She sighed. "I'm so sorry, John."

He reached out tentatively and took both of her hands in his. Awkwardness aside, it felt right. "It's not your fault, Nessa. Kip seems a very troubled man and I'm devastated that you had to go through all this. Is Linda alright?"

"She went back to the hotel after the show," said Nessa, marvelling at how warm John's hands were once he'd held hers for a while. "She's tired. And Kip hurt her face: it's all bruised. Poor girl... She just needed to get away."

John smiled at Nessa gently. "You're a lovely soul to get her out - so brave, Nessa. I mean that!" he added sharply as she snorted. "You seem so shy these days, you know."

She glared at him, incredulous. "Excuse me?!"

"Not in that way!" he laughed. "I mean that... when we first met at Keith's anniversary do. You were so animated and cheerful. Lively."

"Thanks, John," Nessa replied grumpily and pulled her hands away. "You'd be depressed if you're best friend was being abused."

John sighed at himself critically. "I honestly didn't mean that, Ness. I didn't. I mean that you seem strange around me. Have I offended you?"

"You know you haven't."

"But you seem different around me," he persisted. "Like you'd rather be somewhere else."

"John..."

"Shy, quiet, critical..."

"Please!" she cried and buried her head in her hands. "I'm sorry if I seem off but it's been rather hard recently."

"I understand, Nessa, but - "

"No you don't. Your best friend didn't spiral down into a depression and isn't on the verge of a nervous breakdown!" She stopped herself as she saw John's face. "John, I forgot. I'm sorry."

Keith Moon. 

"Don't beat yourself up about it," John said gently and patted Nessa's hand. He kept his laid on hers comfortingly. "Moonie was a strange man. He... he had it coming, really." He bit his lip.

Nessa felt terrible. "Please forgive me, John? I'm sorry to come here and depress you with my stories and then remind you of Keith. No wonder you think I'm timid."

"Oh, Nessa."

She stared up at him, realising how pleased she was to see him. His angular features made her heart leap and she felt the strangest urge make its presence known to her. 

Just lean forward....

"I don't mean to put you off. I just find it hard to talk to you and relate to you knowing that you're this famous rockstar! A good one, though. You were fantastic tonight."

John grinned.

"I - I just want it to be like when I first met you. I knew you as John. Just John. I didn't know anything about you and I liked you."

"I'm still that John."

"I know you are!" She whispered, her voice shaking. "I want it to be like that again." Her breath came out in a rush. "Do you really love me?"

Shaking his head a little, John got to his feet. He pulled Nessa up with him and stood facing her. They were mere inches apart and Nessa could feel his breath on her face. "John..."

"Will this convince you?" he said and closed the gap. Nessa felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up as he kissed her. An intense warmth spread through her body and she began to smile against his lips, relishing his touch as he slipped his arms round her waist.

Minutes passed and they broke apart. "Still that John?"

Nessa was lost for words. "I-I..."

"Come here."

He kissed her once more, the two of them smiling.


	18. How Many Friends

After saying her goodbyes to John and the band, Nessa made her way back along the street to the hotel. She gently pushed open her room door, not wanting to wake Linda.

"I know that face!" said Linda the second Nessa had shut the door behind her. "I know that face!"

Nessa blinked innocently. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh, I think you do!"

"Linda, please. I'm tired!" said Nessa and sighed as Linda followed her to the cupboard. She took out her nightclothes and began to get ready for bed.

"How was it?!"

"Linda!"

Smirking, Linda playfully punched her best friend's arm. "Was it good?"

"I.... " she stammered. Then, with a heavy sigh, sank down on the bed. There was no point pretending. "He kissed me."

"He kissed you or you kissed him?"

"Umm, he kissed me."

Linda squealed happily and Nessa felt extremely pleased that she was smiling. Only yesterday this girl was rocking back and forth on the bed and howling with fear and sadness.  
It was a good change.

"Linda, please stop looking at me like that!" giggled Nessa. The look of almost parental pride on her best friends face was rather comical.

"But I'm so proud of you!"

"This isn't like a school project!"

"I know it's not."

"STOP staring at me like that!"

They shrieked with laughter, both of them wondering how long the happy times would last.  
Not for long. Linda shuffled uncomfortably in her slippered feet. "Kip called."

Nessa narrowed her eyes. "How the hell did he find us?"

"I don't know," said Linda, an odd tone to her voice.

"Well?"

"H-he's.... he's sorry, Ness."

"You're not fucking serious?!"

Linda shook her head, brown locks falling past her shoulders. "He was heartbroken. He was so upset at what he did."

"Linda, you are the smartest person I've ever met. But right now I say you're fucking thick. After what that bastard did to you?! Do you honestly believe he'd change in a matter of hours?!"

"Yes."

Nessa let out a cry of exasperation jabbed a finger in Linda's face. "Don't you see? Kip is a monster! You were terrified of him the other day. Terrified! He's been doing this for months to you! And he's been trying to stalk me and ruin my love for John." She stopped herself, hating the venom in her voice.

"He didn't mean it," whispered Linda. She said this with strained confidence - like she was trying to convince herself. "He didn't mean it."

"For God's sake, Linda, wake up!"

"You don't know what it's like!" Linda said suddenly. She walked right up to Nessa, her brown eyes dark and black as coffee. "You have no idea about Kip! He loves me! You don't know about love. You're just too scared to trust someone too much."

"Linda!"

"No! Shut up! If John ever breaks your heart you'll forgive him. I know you will."

"John and I aren't together.

Linda laughed. "You will be soon. He's obsessed with you. Kip has been doing his research."

"Research! He's a fucking stalker! And since when did you side with violent manipulators?"

Flynn and Lyle were watching the argument unfold from their positions on the bed. Lyle's ears were flat to his head and Flynn was staring at them reproachfully, his large, watery eyes round with disbelief.

"I side with people I love!"

The jibe came like a blow to Nessa and she stepped back, shaking her head. She drew herself up to her full height. "You love your violent boyfriend and yet you shun the person who saved you?!"

"You won't give him another chance!"

"Just shut up!" sneered Nessa. "I got you out of that place when Kip beat you up! I got you away from him. I listened while you cried because of him. And this is how you repay me?!" Nessa hadn't been so angry in her life.

Even Linda saw she'd gone too far. "N-Ness?"

"Get out," Nessa said, coldly and pointed to the door. "I'm sure Mr Pathetic asked you to come home?"

Linda's face had returned to its childlike expression and she stared pleadingly at Nessa. "He wants you to come home too."

Nessa laughed. "Well tell Old Faithful that I'd rather share a house with bloody Jack the Ripper than him."

"Please. Please come with me?!" Linda was crying. "I'm sorry Nessie."

A twinge of guilt tugged at Nessa's heart. Tears ran down Linda's face and she began anxiously twisting her hands together. She almost forgave her.  
Almost.

"I'm sorry, Linda. But I'm not going to come back. Kip has made his appearance known to me and therefore I can never ever trust him again. He fucking beat you up! Can't you see it my way?!'

Linda seemed to dither for a moment. She refused to meet Nessa's gaze when she made her decision. "I'm going back, Nessa. I'm sorry. But Kip needs me."

"Fine. Fine. Go then. I don't care! See how he treats you now!" Nessa growled and sank down on the side of the bed, head in her hands. She could hear Linda swiftly pack up her things and exit the room.  
The door banged shut.

It was several minutes before Nessa had the strength to look up. She half expected to see Linda standing there. Haha, got you! Good joke.   
But no one was there and Nessa was alone. Lyle climbed onto her lap and curled up while Flynn lay back down to sleep, keeping his paw near Nessa's hand.

Nessa didn't sleep that night and she was too angry to even cry.

........

"You look pale, love," said John as he took a seat opposite Nessa at the table. The restaurant was quite busy with families and couples alike and the place gave off a positive, comforting atmosphere.  
The complete polar opposite of what Nessa was feeling.

"I'm fine."

John smiled at her, not fooled. "I know when you're lying. Come on - tell me."

Smoothing down her dress across her legs and trying to adopt a nonchalant expression, Nessa shook her head. "It's nothing."

"I won't kiss you again until you tell me."

"John!" snapped Nessa, picking up her menu to hide her reddening face. "This isn't funny."

"What isn't funny?"

"That Linda has gone back to Kip!" she said, exasperated. Then she sighed. "You're good."

John smiled. "You were going to tell me anyway."

"No I was-"

But before she could finish, John held up his hand to stop her.   
"I want you to tell me what's happened. Not so I can be involved in all the gossip but because I care about you. I want to know you're alright."  
His tone was soft and sincere. Nessa gazed into his eyes and after a moment she sighed and shook her head.   
"I know. I'm sorry I'm being a mope."

"Don't be silly," John said gently and nodded up to the waiter who'd approached their table.   
"Aren't you hungry?" He asked when they'd ordered.

"Not really."

"OK, now I'm worried!"

"John, please."

"You like my joking really."

Nessa managed a smile. "Of course I do! It's just I don't feel like much now." She blinked, feeling tears pricking her eyes. "Oh, God. I'm sorry. I always seem to cry when you're around."

"Most girls do!" laughed John and he reached over to touch her arm gently. "Anyway. I know about what happened."

"What?"

"Keith told me," explained John and sipped at his coffee. "He had a phone call from Linda last night. She says she hopes you'll forgive her."

Nessa gritted her teeth. "Did Keith tell you that Kip fucking beat Linda up?!"

Taken aback at Nessa's furious tone, John watched her warily. "He did say that Kip had been violent."

"That's one word for it," muttered Nessa as her food arrived.   
She suddenly felt rather strange. Sitting here opposite John made her feel like she was on a date. She'd been on a few back in her schooldays but they'd never amounted to anything. But they had never been anything like this.....

John noticed her puzzled expression and grinned at her. "Deep in thought, eh?"

"Sorry."

"We all do it!" He smiled and took a bite of his sandwich. "So. About that wedding."

Oh Lord! Nessa had completely forgotten about asking John to accompany her to her sister's wedding. So much had happened between then and now and it had slipped her mind.

"Oh! Yes, I was g-going to talk to you about that," she stammered, feeling a little silly.

"When is it again? When is the 23rd? Oh, that's only a couple of weeks away! I'm worried I won't be able to make it if the Who are touring."

"September 23rd," she reeled off and smirked as she remembered Elizabeth's reaction when Nessa had said she was taking someone. "Um, did I mention it's in Paris?"

John's eyes went wide and he laughed uproariously. "You forgot to mention that, Nessa! But I'd love to come." He smiled coyly. "I'd love to dance with you."

Blushing, Nessa met his eyes. "Keith tells me you're quite the dancer."

"I was," John grinned and dabbed at the corner of his mouth with his napkin. "Back then! I haven't danced in a long time."

"I'll have to test you out then!"

"Please do!" He smirked.

"Very funny. Do you think you can make it then?"

He shrugged. "I'll hope so! Keith will know. Even if I am touring or recording I would much rather go with you."

"I'm not as important as your career."

"Aren't you?" John asked Nessa sweetly and, in plain sight of all the diners, leaned over the table and kissed her.

..............

"Um, John?"

Packing away his bass guitar, John turned round to see Roger standing over him. The anxious expression on his face told that something was wrong.  
"Yes?"

"Your bird is a finance expert right?"

John frowned. "Bird?"

"What?" Roger asked quizzically.

"Don't use that word."

"Why not?!"

"Because she doesn't like it," said John. Nessa had given him a right rollicking after he'd called her that yesterday. She explained she found it degrading and John, trying not to laugh, had promised he would try not to.

"Most do."

"Nessa's not most people."

"Anyway," Roger sighed. "I need her help. I'm trying to break it to Kenney that I don't want him to get his share of the royalties."

John stared at his bandmate. "You're really going to be that low? After all he's done for the band?"

"You know, John. I thought you'd be on board with this! You and Moonie were best friends and now this man waltzes into his position and tries to take his place!"

"Pete asked him to join," John pointed out.

Roger narrowed his eyes. "I'm not telling Pete yet. But I want Nessa to explain our financial situation to Kenney so he'll see why the real Who need the money!"

John stuck his hands in his pockets. Unsure of what to do, he felt like walking away. But he knew Roger had a violent temper and could be cruelly persuasive.   
"I don't want Nessa to be dragged into anything she doesn't want to do."

"You like her, don't you?" Roger asked, amused.

"Yes! I do. You know that. But that's exactly it. If she doesn't want to do this to Kenney then she doesn't have to."

"You know we need money!'

"Then let's bloody tour!" John sighed. He was joking but Roger looked thoughtful. "Are you actually considering this?!"

"It might work."

"But we just got back!"

"And?"

"Well..."

Roger laughed. "I'm not ruining our chances to get more money than Pete by you spending time with the schoolgirl."  
He smirked as John glared at him, knowing John wouldn't dare to pick a fight with him. "You want to strangle Pete and me, John?"

"Just shut up about her, alright? So shall we approach the Big Cheese about the tour?"

Roger shrugged. "I don't see why not. As long as I don't have to share a hotel with Kenney."

...........

Nessa stared in shock at the poster. "Five months?"  
She pulled her coat tighter round her shoulders. It was a surprisingly chilly September evening and John and Nessa had just returned from a meeting with the Who.  
Nessa had had the job of explaining on Roger's behalf that Kenney wasn't to be given his equal share of royalties in the band. Naturally Kenney had been outraged and had taken it out on poor Nessa instead of the man who had instigated the idea. Though Roger and Kenney were constantly at each others' throats, they seemed to agree on the idea of a tour.  
John could see Nessa was humiliated and angry and from the cold manner in which she'd spoken to Roger afterwards, she had no desire to be involved in such circumstances again.

John smiled sadly and resisted the urge to take her in his arms. Though they had kissed twice and had confided in each other like best friends, John still wasn't totally sure that Nessa was comfortable. "I'm sorry it's that long, Nessa. But you could come with us?"

"I don't know," she said. "I don't think I could. I have so much here..."

"You've finished your degree haven't you?"

"Yes, but I have to submit my final dissertation."

"But that's next week!" protested John. "Please come? I'd hate to leave you."

Nessa looked at him. His blue eyes were pleading. She knew how much John loved touring and to balance two such pleasures was sure to be difficult. Nessa wanted to go with John. She wanted to see his band every night and drink in every aspect of this incredible lifestyle..... but something was holding her back.

"When do you leave?" Nessa asked, trying to avoid talking about her coming with him.

"October 1st."

Nessa looked satisfied. "So you can come to Liz's wedding with me?"

"Only if you come on tour with me."

"John, that's not fair."

"Isn't it?" he shot back.

"B-but I have to look after Lyle..."

John laughed cruelly and Nessa felt anger bubble up inside her. "Shut the hell up, John. You know you can be very condescending."

"Big words for a schoolgirl."

Enough. Nessa shocked herself by slapping him across the face. Her fingers bent right back and she cradled them to her chest, starting to weep. The sudden action surprised John greatly and he stared at Nessa in alarm. "I'm so sorry, John. I-I didn't mean to!" She felt horrible.

You're just like Kip

You're just like him

John took Nessa in his arms, kissing the top of her head. "I'm sorry, lovey. I didn't mean to provoke you. Hey, stop crying. Please." He let her lie her face in the crook of his neck and felt her tears fall down his collar.

"God, I feel so stupid," muttered Nessa after a few moments. Her eyes were ringed with red and John suddenly saw how tired she looked. Unwell.

"Nessa. Don't worry! I deserved that, I assure you. But at least I didn't try to shoot foxes this time."

She laughed weakly and hugged him again, breathing in the musky scent of his leather jacket. "OK, I'll come."

He held her by her shoulders, looking into her face for any doubt. He saw none there. "Are you sure?"

"Yes. I want to be with you."


	19. Homecoming

Keith arrived with the car at half past eight the following morning. He greeted John and Nessa - along with their luggage, Flynn and Lyle - and after a quick drink in a nearby cafe, began the long drive back to Stow-on-the-Wold.

"So, where to?" Keith asked pleasantly as he sang along to the radio.

John looked at Nessa in confusion. "Quarwood?"

"Oh! Right. I just thought you might like to see your friends before you...."

"No," Nessa said coldly. "Quarwood."

Keith shut his mouth and pretended nothing had happened, continuing to concentrate on the road and humming along to the endless stream of ABBA hits on the radio. With Lyle sat on her knee in his carrier, Nessa stared out of the window. Her mind was racing. After the dreadful ordeal with Linda's sudden change of heart, Nessa felt as if her only friend in the world had gone.

She hoped and prayed with all her heart that Kip would spare Linda his violence and cruelty. Though Nessa was incredibly furious with Linda for her actions, she still felt as if she should at least try and see it her way....

No!

Linda may have had the wool pulled over her eyes but Nessa knew Kip's true nature.

"Are you alright, sweetheart?" John asked. He looked at her, puzzled. "You're very tense."

Nessa unclenched her fists and released her breath. She hadn't realised she'd been holding it for the last minute or so. "Oh, I'm alright. Thanks." She smiled up at him gratefully and tried not to draw back when he leaned down to kiss her. "Keith's watching."

"And?" John whispered against her lips. The rough scratch of his beard felt surprisingly pleasant on Nessa's cheek and she relished the simple gesture of him cupping her face with his hand.   
She pulled away a few moments later, leaning her forehead against his. She felt an overwhelming sense of attraction to him - the likes of which she'd never experienced before - and giggled in spite of herself.

"What?" said John, laughing uneasily. "Do I amuse you?"

"Very much so."

"Oh, really?!"

"You're hilarious," Nessa smirked and pulled him closer by his collar.   
The car went over a particularly rough speedbump and the vehicle shook, jolting the couple apart. This seemed to snap them out of their trance and they shuffled apart. Nessa went back to staring out of the window, absent-mindedly stroking Lyle through the bars of his carrier. John watched Nessa for a while. The weak morning sun illuminated the side of her face and accentuated the soft curve of her cheek, the light of her eyes, the gentle sweep of her eyelashes against her skin.

So young.   
John suddenly felt extremely guilty. Nessa was twenty-one. She had finished university and had her whole life ahead of her. A career, a (proper) job, a family.... John sighed. He knew that Nessa would want to leave him and start her new life and somehow he couldn't bear the thought of when that happened.

Keith caught his eye in the rear-view mirror. No doubt he'd seen them kissing a moment before and John wondered if Keith would be angry. But he just smiled kindly.   
"Take care of her," he whispered once he saw that Nessa was asleep, her head against John's arm.

............................

The mighty Quarwood loomed into view and the sense of homecoming overwhelmed Nessa. It was like coming back to your childhood home, your sanctuary. She smiled when the car came to a stop.

"I'll bring your things in," said Keith as he began to unload the suitcases. "You go on in."

John went inside with Flynn bouncing excitedly around his legs while Nessa went to help her godfather. The suitcases were heavy and she laughed as one nearly pulled her down. "I'm so useful!"

"Let me get that, love!"

"Oh, please. I want to help."

Keith smiled. "You're a good girl. So. John, eh?" He winked and pulled the last of the cases from the car. Lyle sat sulking in his carrier, wanting to be let out. 

"Well, yes. That may have been a bit obvious - sorry about that!" Nessa said sheepishly, blushing at the thought of their time in the car.

"I'm happy for you!"

"Really?"

"Of course I am! You two seem very sweet on each other." He walked up to Nessa and set his hands on her shoulders. "I'm so sorry about Linda."

Nessa sighed and tried to force a smile. "I... I just don't know what to do. She is being so stupid! I don't want Kip to hurt her."

"Linda can take care of herself. She's a tough kid. Remember her fight with her mother?"

"Yeah."

"Then she knows how to handle Kip. And you need to relax." He kissed her forehead. "Promise me one thing, love?"

"What?"

"Enjoy yourself! John likes you very much and I think you like him?"

Nessa nodded. "I do."

"Well, then make the most of it! I don't want you hung up on trying to knock some sense into Linda. Nothing bad will happen, I promise." He looked up to see John standing in the doorway of the house. "Go. Go and give him that smile."

"Keith!"

"You know he likes it!"

"OK, stop it now!" She loved the feeling of laughter again as she made her way over to John. Keith placed the last of the cases by the steps and waved them off.

"Looks like it's me and you, Ness," John smiled and took both of Nessa's hands in his. He led her inside.

.................

When Lyle was free from his carrier and able to roam around the house, Nessa made her way to the front door.  
"I'll go and unpack my things."

John, leaning lazily against the bannister, cocked his head to the side. "You're going outside to do that?"

"Where else am I to do it?"

"Upstairs. My room."

"I'm staying where I was before, aren't I?" Nessa asked, her heart thumping.  
He wasn't... was he?

"I can't have a beautiful girl like you sleeping alone, now can I?"

"John!"

"What?!" He laughed and took her in his arms. Nessa was still getting used to the feeling. "Don't leave me here by myself."

"I can't!"

"Why not?"

"Because.... I.... because..." she faltered off and scowled at he look of triumph on John's face. "We're not.."

"Aren't we?" prompted John.

She sighed. "You know what I mean." The feeling of his arms around her made her head swim. She could smell him: cigarettes and musky leather. She knew she would lose control of he kept having this effect on her.  
But how long could she stand it?

John let her go and stood with his hands stuffed in his pockets. "At least stay in the house?"

"I'll bunk with Flynn."

"Flynn smells of dog."

"I prefer it to the reeking odour of old man."

John's jaw dropped. "You little minx!"

Nessa laughed and started to walk up the stairs backwards, keeping her eyes fixed on his. He followed her, captivated.   
"So will you stay with me?"

"Maybe." She walked along the landing, peering into each room critically. She laughed as she pushed open the door of one. "I don't usually take guitars as roommates." What seemed like hundreds of bass guitars were scattered around a large, spacious room.

"I've got to keep them somewhere." He followed her towards the end of the hall. "Good choice."

It was his room. Nessa stood in the middle of the floor and looked around, biting her lip. "I've slept in here before, John."

"When you and Linda stayed?"

"Yes. I'm sorry."

John stood next to her. Though they didn't touch, the electricity between them was fizzling with life. "Why should you be? It's the nicest room here!"

"Modest as ever." Nessa smiled and turned to face him. Her green eyes were bright. The white of her blouse complemented the sky blue walls of the bedroom and her hair fell in caramel coloured waves to her shoulders. Without her red headband she looked older, more mature and self-assured.

"Will you stay with me?" John asked again and touched her arm gently when she didn't reply. "Nessa?"

Nessa didn't know what it was that made her do it. Maybe it was the setting, the confusion whirling around inside her head or the uncontrollable and powerful magnetic effect that John so effortlessly provided.   
A sudden, all-powerful urge consumed her and she had no strength to fight it.

"You okay, love?" John asked, looking at her anxiously. Her expression was blank.

She said nothing but took his face in her hands and kissed him deeply. John was startled by her move and momentarily froze. But he soon melted into her kiss and kissed her back, letting her take the reins.   
Nessa couldn't get close enough to him.  
She pushed him back none too gently onto the bed.

"Easy, darling," John whispered against her lips when Nessa climbed onto his lap, slipping a little in her haste.

Nessa didn't reply. She pushed him down onto his back, kissing him, pressing herself closer, slipping her hands under the collar of his shirt. The skin was hot to the touch and it sent waves of dizziness through Nessa's mind. John was like a drug that she needed all hours of the day just to function and she relished every moment of his company.  
She knew it was madness. Utter madness. But this was new territory to Nessa and she was enjoying trying it out.

"Nessa," John said gently when she began to unbutton his shirt. "You might want to stop."

"Why?!" she mumbled irritably, resting her palms on his chest. She could feel his heartbeat through the fabric of his shirt.

What am I doing?!

"Because I'm worried your heart might explode!"

Nessa had an inkling he was correct. The roar of blood in her ears was like a rushing waterfall and the thump-thump-thump of her heart sounded like a drum. She caught her breath. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," said John. He stroked her cheek with the tip of one finger. "I enjoyed that!"

"Then why'd you make me stop?"

"Because, Nessa, I'm not sure you're up for it."

She glared at him but he held up a hand to stop her. "No. I'm right. I know it. I don't want you to feel bad when it happens. That's the last thing I want."

"But..."

"I want you more than anyone, Nessa Hargreaves," said John. "But we're not doing anything until I feel you're ready."

Insulted, Nessa slid off his lap. "I'm not a child. I know you think I'm this pathetic milksop who's scared of sex. But I'm more than you think!"

"I didn't mean that -"

"You were the one insinuating I sleep in your bed with you!" she hissed.

"I meant so we could be together...."

Nessa snorted. "Don't lie! You wanted to get into my knickers."

"Now wait a minute!"

"Just shut up!"

"Is it my imagination or was it you who tried to take my shirt off just now?"

They stared at each other in fury, both too angry too speak.   
Nessa knew she was in the wrong but somehow she couldn't bring herself to admit it.  
"Just leave me alone!" she said angrily and stalked from the room. She leaned against the wall outside the room and took some deep breath, facing the framed photograph of John and his ex-wife on their wedding day.  
They smiled serenely out at Nessa, blissfully unaware of her situation, or their future.

...............

Carrying a sleeping Lyle in her arms, Nessa made her way up the flight of stairs. The house was dark and the only light came from a room with the door half open.  
John's room.

Nessa had tried to sleep downstairs in the living room in the armchair. She had stayed up for hours reading with Lyle curled up on her lap. He had fallen asleep easily.  
But after a while her back began to ache and her body longed for somewhere comfortable to sleep. The armchair offered no such remedy.

She had argued tirelessly with herself for a long time about whether she should apologise to John. She had been harsh on him, she knew that. But she couldn't face his ridicule or comments, his smugness of knowing she was wrong.  
But Nessa couldn't bear to leave him either.

She crept silently along the hallway until she stood right outside his bedroom door. Soft yellow lamplight slipped from the open doorway, inviting her in.  
Just a few feet away was a warm bed, guaranteed sleep and a man to hold her......  
She shook her head. Get a grip!  
Lyle still dozed peacefully in her arms and Nessa giggled at him. Sometimes she really wished she was a cat.

John was lying with his back to the door when Nessa finally plucked up the courage to tiptoe into the bedroom. He wore a simple black t-shirt and had the covers pulled up to his waist, his chest rising and falling as he breathed deeply.  
For a few moments Nessa just watched. Watched the man she thought she was falling in love with sleep peacefully. His silver-streaked hair was tousled on the pillow.

"Nessa?"

She jumped about a foot in the air, Lyle awakening immediately aired his ears folded back in alarm.  
"Hmmm?"

"Stop watching me sleep."

"You're awake now, aren't you?"

He didn't turn round and kept his face muffled by the pillows. From the rapid shaking of his shoulders, Nessa guessed he was stifling a laugh.   
"Stop it!"

She grinned and gently set Lyle down on the carpet. He trotted over to where Flynn was curled up by the window and settled beside him, best friends.  
"It's a nice view."

"Stop being daft and get in here."

Nessa didn't object and felt her eyes drooping as she slipped under the covers beside John. The effect was immediate and she yawned, burying her head in the soft pillows and smiling as sleep caught up with her.  
John turned over and slipped his arms round her waist, nuzzling his chin against her neck. His arms were warm and the gesture felt so natural to Nessa. Like it should always be this way.


	20. Sail Away Sweet Sister

She woke with the sun, stretching out lazily on the mattress and wiggling her toes. Her long hair was tousled and spread out on the pillows, just brushing the shoulders of the sleeping man beside her.  
She felt as if she could stay this way forever.... but the sharp, shrill ring of the telephone shattered that particular daydream.  
Sighing in annoyance, she reached over and picked up the receiver. "Hello?"

"Linda?" came the tentative reply. It was Nessa.

Linda frowned and sat up in bed, careful not to wake the snoozing blond boy beside her. "What do you want? It's seven o clock!"

"I... I just wanted to see how you are?"

"I'm fine. There! Happy?"

Linda heard her oldest friend sigh in sadness and there was a long pause. Twitching in his sleep, Kip began to snore again. Linda smiled over at him. "I have to go."

"No! Please don't go!" said Nessa. "Are you OK?"

"Yes!"

"Really? I'm worried about you? Has he hurt you?!"

"For goodness sake, Ness!" Linda snapped. "I'm not crying, am I? I'm not doubled over in pain! Kip has been a veritable angel."

"Somehow you're not convincing me."

"Well, you'd better start being convinced." said Linda firmly. "And how are you? I suppose you wanted me to ask?"

"I'm fine thanks! Um, I'm living at Quarwood." Nessa's voice was hushed, as if trying not to be heard.

Linda snorted. "Has the old rich boy lured you into his den, then?"

"Don't be stupid."

"So it's true then? I knew you'd fall for him eventually. So. How was he?"

"Linda!"

"He must have got into your knickers by now!"

"I have not slept with him," Nessa hissed, outraged. There was a false firmness to her voice and Linda smirked.  
"I'll belive that when I see it. Is he there now?"

"He's asleep."

"Aha!" crowed Linda. "So he's in bed with you?"

"In the other room," lied Nessa.

"Right. So that's why you're keeping quiet, huh? Trying not to wake his nibs?"

"Leave it alone," Nessa sighed. She jumped a foot in the air when Linda suddenly shrieked.  
"Kip! Get the hell off me! Help! Nessa!"

Nessa's blood turned to ice and she shouted into the receiver. "Linda! Linda! I'm calling the police!" Her mind raced. She knew he'd strike again. Knew what a cruel man he was, knew that he'd try to hurt her again.....

And then the laughter. The cruel, mocking laughter. The sound clawed at Nessa's ears and her face flushed crimson in shame.  
"You're so gullible!" giggled Linda. She looked over at Kip who had just woken up, tossing his golden head. His blue eyes peered quizzically at Linda. "Who is it?"

"Guess who!"

He grinned and took the receiver. "Hi, Nessie. How's the nursing home going?"

But he heard no reply as Nessa had terminated the call.

..............

"There's a letter for you, Nessa," John said as he walked back into the kitchen. He set a brown envelope on the table in front of Nessa. She was wearing a faded blue dressing gown and nursing a mug of strong coffee.  
She looked tired.

"I wonder who it's from," she said as she tore open the letter. She pulled out a couple of sheets of paper and gasped as two smaller slips of paper fluttered out. "Tickets."

John picked them up. "Paris. Must be from your sister?"

"It's from Liz alright," Nessa said as she scanned the brief note from her sister and Michael. "Oh, she says that Linda and Kip have cancelled."

John scanned Nessa's face. He knew about her fray between her friends and he knew how much it hurts. "How do you feel about that?"

"I don't know."

"Are you pleased?"

"Somehow I wanted them to be there," she said. "We could talk. Maybe. But there's no reasoning with them."

John leaned across to kiss her gently. "I know it's painful, darling. But could you try and forget them for a little while?"

"I want to but it's very difficult."

"I can help!" grinned John as he kissed her again. Her lips tasted pleasantly of coffee.  
After a moment she pushed him away. "That's enough."

"I'm only just beginning!" said John and watched her gracefully from her chair.

"Dirty boy!" giggled Nessa and folded her arms. "You got more than enough last night." She softened at the memory. The warmth of John's arms around her, the tickle of his breath on the back of her neck, the overwhelming feeling that his body pressed against hers was so right, so perfect.......  
She swallowed. One step at a time.

John seemed to mellow at the thought too and pulled her to him. He rested his chin on the top of her head. "I can't ever get enough of you, Nessie." He waited for the snort. The laughter at his cheesy line. But Nessa said nothing, seeming to identify with his statement.

"This feels strange," Nessa said suddenly.

"What does?"

She hesitated, trying to put her thought into words. "This! Us. In each other's arms in the kitchen. Having breakfast. I know it's weird.... but it's like we're married!"  
She laughed at herself and John hugged her tighter.

"Interesting notion. But I see what you mean. I never thought I'd be the domestic type."

"Really? You had a wife. And a son, didn't you?" Nessa said. She suddenly felt cold. John had a son. Had a family. All before Nessa turned fifteen.....

A strange expression crossed John's face and he felt tense under Nessa's touch. She pulled away anxiously, touching his arm in comfort. "John?"

He didn't reply.

"John? I'm sorry if I said something amiss. I didn't mean it. I'm sorry." She felt horribly guilty and when John continued to stay silent, she slipped away upstairs to get dressed.

..............

Thump. Thump. Thump thump thump.

Nessa could hear the vibrations through the floor. She folded another of her blouses and set it neatly into her suitcase.  
John's was lying empty on the bed. She wondered if she should pack for him but worried if he'd get angry with her. Deciding to concentrate on her own belongings, she tried to ignore the muffled racket coming from the room above.

The noise was loud but Nessa found herself entranced. John really was an accomplished musician. A genius.  
The countless magazines she'd seen adorned with his face, praising him to the skies about his skill and musical prowess now seemed to be justified.  
He was playing bass guitar. John never bothered to turn down the sound, preferring the enlightening experience of surrounding himself completely in sound.  
The amplifier was ratcheted right up to full volume and an immense tidal wave of rich sound filled the halls of Quarwood.

Nessa had noticed that John did this when he was stressed or upset.

She threw the last pair of shoes into her suitcase and stalked from the room, sick of packing. The hall felt very lonely on her own. Lyle was downstairs on the living room sofa, fast asleep, while Flynn was out for a walk with the gardener Jack.

The guilt framed photograph of John and his ex-wife on their wedding day hung in front of Nessa as she made her way along the landing. They looked so happy, so content with life, blissfully unaware of the hard times to come their way.  
Nessa walked quickly past. The thought of all the pain that John was feeling made her sick. She knew she was dealing with the devil by falling for him... but somehow she couldn't stop herself. He was a magnet: drawing her in inch by inch with no hope of diversion.

"Sorry if I disturbed you," John said when Nessa lingered in the doorway. He was stood with his back to her, wielding a fabulous instrument: a striking white bass guitar set with electric blue lightning bolts. The sound he got from it was astounding: like a river of rich, creamy chocolate.

"No, not at all," said Nessa. "I love hearing you play." She couldn't take her eyes off his tall, broad frame.

"I've heard people's ears bleed from the volume!"

"Really? Mine seem perfectly fine."

"Well, that's a bonus." He finally turned around, catching her staring and grinning. "Have you packed?"

Nessa nodded. "Yes. I always forget something! Best to do it in advance."

"Hmmm," he hummed in response and flicked a switch on his amplifier. The incessant humming hiss ceased and the room fell silent. John carefully packed away his bass guitar. "I'm sorry I left you before."

"Oh, no. You don't have to apologise. It's fine, I promise. I shouldn't have mentioned..." she broke off when John kissed her. "I guess I'm forgiven?!"  
The two became silent apart from their thudding heartbeats and breathing. Nessa relaxed into his kiss, her arms wrapped tight around his neck.  
"You've nothing to apologise for, sweetheart," John said as he gave her a final peck on the lips.

"But I wish I hadn't mentioned it..."

"Shush!"

"Sorry."

"You're a funny kid."

"Always!" Nessa pulled a silly face which made John shake his head, chuckling to himself.  
"How am I going to survive five days in Paris with you, eh?"

"You love it really!"

.................

"You think we should go, Kip?" asked Linda as she tossed the rest of her former friend's clothes into a plastic bag.

Slowly, Kip looked up from his magazine. "You are kidding, right?"

"Well..."

"Well what?"

Linda bit her lip. "I just thought it'd be polite. After Liz and Michael invited us! But I'm not sure. Only if you want to go," she added quickly.

"Oh, Linda," said Kip pityingly. "You just don't get it, do you?"

"What?"

"You really don't know?" His sapphire blue eyes burned.

"No! Quit being mysterious and tell me!"

Kip narrowed his eyes. "Did you just shout at me?"

"N-no. Sorry."

"That's better. As I was saying, I am in no position to see Nessa fawning over the old man. I'm in no position to see people mingling, talking about their families and friends. It repulses me."

Linda stared at him. "What? Are you a sociopath?"

"Don't be stupid," snapped Kip. Then he softened his tone, reaching over to pat Linda on the hand. "I'd hate to see you upset over how Nessa left you."  
He waited and watched. Linda was clearly considering.  
"But she's my best friend!"

Kip sighed. "Was. Think of what she did to you! To us!"

"Kip...."

"Don't Kip me! Remember you chose me over the bitch. Make sure you remember that, Lin."

.......................

Lyle had been rather irritated at being left at home. But within five minutes of being dropped off to stay with groundskeeper Maisie, he was as content as could be.  
Flynn was staying with Jack the gardener - a trustworthy dog-lover who was more then happy to take care of Flynn.   
It was with a air of excitement that the three - Keith, Nessa and John - drove from the iron gates of Quarwood. They were sad to leave, of course, but excited for their well-earned break.

Audrey was waiting for them at the airport. "Hello, darling!" she cried as she enveloped Nessa in a tight hug. Her red hair tickled Nessa cheek.  
"Are you excited?"

"Very much so," replied Nessa, smiling.

"Good to see you again, Audrey," John said and kissed her cheek. He raised his eyebrows at Nessa. Audrey had only just found out about the two of them and she was alight with excitement, jabbering away to Keith as they made their way through customs.

John turned several heads and was even stopped for a few autographs. He did this graciously, chatting to the ecstatic fans as if they were old friends. Some even asked who Nessa was and he just smiled and sent them kindly on their way. He kept his fingers laced with Nessa's the whole time so, naturally, many would have suspected.   
He touched her arm gently when they sat down, waiting for Gate 17 to open. "Are you alright?"

White as a sheet, Nessa turned to grimace at him. "I never liked flying."

"Oh, Nessa!" John laughed. He couldn't help but laugh at her childish worry. "You have nothing to worry about."

"It's easy for you to say! You've been touring your whole life! You're used to planes." She was twisting her hands together in her lap and biting her lip anxiously. Her usually peony pink cheeks were chalky white and John could see how frightened she was. "Just.... hold my hand. Please?!"

"Of course," assured John gently and kissed the back of her hand. He looked up as the attendants ushered crowds through Gate 17. "Time to go."


	21. La Vie en Rose

Paris. The city of romance. Shining like a jewel in the evening sun, the Eiffel Tower loomed high above the cityscape as Nessa stepped out onto the balcony of her hotel room. She breathed in deeply, feeling the cool breeze fanning her face.

Peace.

Nessa couldn't remember a single moment in her life that she'd felt this peaceful and calm - except for maybe kissing John. It came as such a relief to know that all her worries were far behind her back in Britain and she had a weekend of rest and relaxation ahead of her. A small, nagging doubt suddenly clawed at her mind, unkindly jerking her from her trance.  
She hadn't introduced her sister to John.   
Having grown up with Elizabeth as an older sister, Nessa knew her views on certain lifestyle aspects, especially those relating to dating men. Liz had a often-voiced issue with age gaps. With fourteen years between John and Nessa, she hoped that Liz wouldn't qualify this as 'abhorrent', as she often stated. She was not particularly close with Liz and Nessa was worried that would make things even more awkward with John... and Michael would probably stick his nose in too.

She shook her head. Not now. She had other things on her mind.  
Her dress for the next day was laid out neatly on the bed. It was a beautiful garment: long and creamy white with shoes and a hair ribbon to match. She had felt like a princess trying it on!  
Her suitcase was placed next to the gown with the lid open. John's was lying on the floor and he was busy sifting through it, tossing pairs of shoes over his head.

"What are you looking for?" Nessa giggled as she ducked to avoid a Cuban heeled boot that went sailing past her ear.

He turned round to grin at her. "Never you mind."

"What is it?"

"You'll find out soon!"

Nessa perched on the edge of the bed, nudging his shoulder with her stocking clad feet. "Why the secrecy, hmm?"

"Because it's a surprise."

"Now I'm worried!"

"You should be!" John growled playfully. He stood up from his suitcase and planted a light kiss on her lips. "Are you looking forward to tonight?"

Nessa shrugged. "Yes and no. It'll be lovely seeing my parents again but I can't help being rather nervous."

"Do I have somehing to do with that?"

"Well. Yes," said Nessa. "I'm worried my sister won't like you."

Laughing, John sat down next to her. "As long as you like me then I'm happy."

"I'm serious, John. Michael will be interrogating you! He doesn't think you're a suitable employer."

"Haven't we moved a little forwards from being work colleagues?" said John gently.

His grin made Nessa blush. "I know I sound a bit silly. But I don't want them to not like you. Liz has a thing about... older men."  
She said it gently but John was ruffled. "Back to this again?"

"John!"

"It's rather tedious having to constantly be demoted to the 'older man'. I feel like some sort of ancient bloke who preys on young girls!"

Nessa giggled. "That's how I'd describe you." She laughed more when John rolled his eyes - a gesture she'd come to love.

The hotel room they were staying in was large and spacious with a beautiful city view out of the windows. Keith and Audrey were in a room down the hall from them and Nessa had at first been a little apprehensive when she'd found out who was sharing with who.....

Earlier that day:

Nessa felt she may collapse from the nerves she was experiencing. The hairs on the back of her head stood on end and she felt cold, very cold, although beads of sweat were forming on her forehead. She could feel that her palms were sweaty as she gripped John's cool hand tightly. As if sensing her anxiety, John turned round to smile gently at her. His blue eyes were calm and as Nessa looked deep in to them, she felt herself relax. He had that effect on her.

They reached the top of the staircase, Nessa's shoes digging into the plush cream carpet. The hallway they stepped into was grand and well furnished but Nessa couldn't help feeling - with a slight air of smugness - that it didn't compare in the slightest to the eccentric splendour of Quarwood.

John rattled the room keys, grinning. "We've got the luxury suite!"

That was John alright. He unlocked the door to number 324 and pushed it open, gently steering Nessa in first by her shoulders. He then hung back to get the suitcases as Nessa looked around.

The room shone with natural sunlight flooding in from glass sliding doors facing the beautiful expanse of the Seine and the buildings beyond. There was an en-suite bathroom and a television and record player in the corner.  
But what made Nessa feel weak at the knees was the large, luxurious double bed set with pristine white sheets and an ornately engraved headboard.

Oh Lord...

Her breath caught in her throat and she jumped about a foot in the air when she felt the hand upon her shoulder.   
"Relax, darling," John soothed and pressed a chaste kiss to the side of her head. He set about unpacking and Nessa made a move to help him but he waved her away.   
"I'll do it. You go and explore. I'll come soon, I promise." He stopped in the middle of unpacking his neatly folded shirts and lifted Nessa's chin with one finger. "You're so beautiful."

It was a simple sentence but the feeling and emotion put into it made Nessa's heart skip and she realised she'd hardly said a word since they arrived. She swallowed. "Not so bad youself."

John grinned. "You've got that right! Now, go. I'll catch up."

Nessa had first thought she'd be sharing with Audrey! Paralysed with fear at the prospect of sharing another night with John alone, she had come to feel quite ill and light-headed. She knew that anything could happen but she fought hard to control her emotions.  
It was only John after all.

He pulled a beautiful blue silk tie from his suitcase and held it aloft proudly. It matched his eyes. "Found it!"

.................

"My darling girl!" Helena Hargreaves exclaimed as she clasped her youngest daughter to her. Her flowered hat wobbled precariously on her head. "It's been so long since we've seen you!"

"Hello, Mum," said Nessa awkwardly as she hugged her mother back. It was strange seeing her again. The two were not the conventional 'mother and daughter' unlike Liz and Helena. Nessa and her mother did not get on as well as they both wanted. Too many differences.

Nessa's father Benjamin joined in the family reunion. He already had a glass of champagne in his hand. "You look lovely, dear!"

"Thank you!"

"Where's your sister, hmm? Catching up with all her friends I imagine! She brought so many... where are your two pals then? I haven't seen them yet." He craned his neck to look among the vast crowds of friends and family.   
Nessa was about to make up an excuse when the room suddenly erupted in cheers. Elizabeth, looking radiant in her bridal gown, and Michael had just entered the room. Confetti was thrown into the air and camera bulbs flashed.

"I'm surprised you weren't a bridesmaid," came a voice from behind Nessa. She turned round and nearly fainted with fright.

Kip.

Her blood froze to ice and she felt her throat close. She couldn't speak, couldn't hear, couldn't move.....

"Nessa, isn't it?" the young man asked politely. He extended a hand. "Do you remember me? Jack."

Nessa came back to Earth with a bump. "Oh. Yes. I remember! Hello again, Jack." She shook his hand shyly and tried to act as if nothing had happened. "Weren't you looking after Flynn?"

Jack smiled. "Old Mrs Maisie is now! Keith sent a last minute invitation from Michael. So here I am!" He was a good-looking lad with shiny blond hair and a kind smile. The sort that most girls would kill to go out with. Most girls.

"Do you know Liz and Michael?" Nessa asked him. They walked over to the dining table.

"Not really," Jack replied as he poured out two glasses of red wine. "Keith speaks of them highly and they're your family! Good bash tonight, eh?" He gestured around at the beautiful, high ceilinged hall. "Are they rich?"

"Michael is a lawyer - so of course."

"Better than gardening!"

"At least you get fresh air. And the company of dogs!"

Jack grinned. "That I do." He clinked his glass gently against Nessa's. "Cheers."

A voice rang out from the centre of the room. "Ladies and gentlemen! The bride and groom!"  
Everyone cheered. Helena and Benjamin were standing next to their newly married daughter, looking every inch the happy family. They beckoned to Nessa.  
Jack pushed her forward gently and she reluctantly joined in a series of family photographs while the guests oohed and aahed in delight.

.....................

Nessa found herself sitting alone when the dancing began. A talented quartet of musicians were playing some popular tracks while a good portion of the guests strutted up and down the wooden dance floor.

She hadn't seen John in a while. The last time she had, he was talking to Keith and Audrey over drinks and mingling with some guests who'd recognised him.  
Nessa had yet to introduce him to her family.

She stood up, smoothing down her dress. "Fuck!" she muttered as she spied a wine stain down the front. She wiped at it in annoyance and was interrupted by someone laughing.  
"Never wear white! It's murder for stains. You'd know all about that, of course."

Nessa whirled round and was met with John's lips waiting for her. She kissed him quickly. "Not here! And where have you been?"

"Enjoying myself!"

"Without me?!"

"As if I could do that," said John. He gestured to her stained dress with a small smile. "Brings back some fond memories."

It did. Reminiscing over the first time that the two of them met, Nessa felt blissfully happy. Ever since she'd met John she had been fascinated with him. Utterly entranced. He was an enigma, a mystery, but the closer Nessa got to him, the more she felt like she was honoured in some way. Pride - she of all people had won his affections.

"I really should have stuck to a darker colour," she said as she examined the stain. "With you around my clothes never stay in good condition."

"Your personal garment wrecker!" laughed John.

"One of many roles," replied Nessa as she pulled him in my the collar to kiss him again. Perhaps it was the glass of red wine, perhaps it was the fact that he was so irresistible. She didn't care who would see.  
But they were interrupted. A clearing of the throat and a tap on the shoulder. They sprang apart, embarrassed.  
There stood Elizabeth, champagne flute in her manicured hands. She looked mightily confused. "Am I interrupting?"

"Not at all," said Nessa stiffly.

"Oh good. Would you mind introducing me to your friend, Nessa?"

Here we go, thought Nessa darkly. She too John's hand in hers, knowing full well that Elizabeth would throw a fit. "Liz, this is John. John, this is my sister Elizabeth."

John and Elizabeth shook hands, one more warmly than the other. "It's good to finally meet you, Liz," said John. "Ness has told me so much about you."

"Likewise," Liz replied, eyeing John and Nessa clasped hands with distaste. "So, have you met my husband yet?"

"No, I haven't."

Liz beckoned to Michael. He was standing with some friends over at the drinks table and he ambled over. "Ah, Hargreaves Junior! How are you doing, lovely?" He did a double take and stared at John. "Who is this?"

"This is John, Michael," said Nessa. She squeezed John's hand. She was feeling slightly uncomfortable. Michael would almost certainly work out that John had once employed Nessa.

But Michael shook John's hand, none the wiser, and Nessa was for once extremely glad that Michael had been drinking. "Pleasure to meet you, Johnny. Enjoy the wedding!" He staggered off and was followed by the angry stares of his new wife.  
Liz turned back to her younger sister. "I want answers."

"Later," Nessa replied coolly. "Oh look, Bethany is wanting to talk to you." Liz's best friend was lurking behind her and before Liz could object, Nessa had pulled John by the hand to the opposite side of the room.

"Thank God," she muttered, fanning herself with a napkin. "I'd rather not get a lecture right now."

John chuckled. "Good escape. And I'm pretty sure that Liz doesn't like me!"

"Well.... she's hard to impress. Give her time. She did just catch you kissing me!"

"She's going to have to get used to that."

"Keep your voice down!" she giggled. She gazed wistfully over to the six or seven couple dancing in the centre of the room. An upbeat, uplifting song played and Nessa felt her feet tapping along.  
John took her by the hand and gently pulled her towards them. "You should just ask, you know!"

"I wasn't sure if you really wanted to," said Nessa. "Being you. I thought it'd be beneath you."

"Not in a million years."

"I'm glad. Ouch! That was my foot!" squeaked Nessa as the two began to dance. They both laughed at their clumsiness, eyes ducked in shy embarrassment.  
The song switched to a beautiful, slow ballad that made tears spring to Nessa's eyes. The music was searingly sweet.  
"Slow dance with me, madame?" John asked, bowing theatrically. He held out a hand to Nessa which she took graciously, giggling in spite of herself.  
"Why, of course!"

The moment was precious. The dim lights, the beautiful music, the atmosphere..... it proved too much for Nessa. A single tear rolled down her cheek. She wiped at it viciously and felt enormously embarrassed.  
"What's the matter, darling?"

She looked up at him. "Nothing."

"It's obviously nothing. Please. Tell me?" His hands rested at the small of her back and her face was pressed into his shoulder. So close...

She sniffed. "I'm so scared, John."

"What of?"

"Kip. And Linda. My sister, my parents..... everything!"

"Spiders?!"

She pulled back to smile at him. "Terrified of them. But be serious, John. The future is so uncertain and it pains me to think of what may come."

"Maybe leave those thoughts for then?"

"But then I'll be caught be surprise!"

"Cross the bridge when you come to it! That's my motto."

Nessa laughed and pressed her cheek to his. "That's what got you into financial difficulties."

"Perhaps it wasn't so bad..."

"Oh?"

"Because I wouldn't have met you," replied John. "I'm never good with sentimentality, Ness, but I can't imagine my life without you." He said this slowly. As if he had never uttered words like them before.  
He searched Nessa's face for a reaction. "Cheesy, I know."

"Not at all."

"Really? Because it's probably the alcohol talking!"

Nessa narrowed her eyes. "You wouldn't say that if you hadn't been drinking?"

"No, of course not!" John said brusquely.   
Silence.  
Nessa's face had turned stony and her gaze was disapproving. "You only say nice things when you're intoxicated?! You can only say you love me when alcohol is involved l?!"

"No! Nessa! Please, I didn't mean that."

"Save it for when you're sober," she hissed, pushing him always. "Then you'll go back to being nasty."

"Nessa!"

But she had gone, storming away through the crowds of guests.


	22. Sensation

He found her standing by the large glass windows, staring out into the Paris night. The silvery moonlight illuminated the tears on her face. John felt a pang of guilt and he resisted the urge to go to her.  
But he knew she'd turn him away. Instead, he silently undressed and got ready for bed, something he didn't do often. He was usually too busy being drunk or out partying.  
Nessa didn't turn round. Her arms hugged her torso as if she were cold, though the night air was warm. She stayed that way long after John fell asleep.

........................

Audrey answered the telephone first. "I've got it!" she called to Michael who had made a move to reach it. "Hello?"

"Oh! Sorry. I think I may have the wrong number."

"Who is it?"

"Keiran Andersson. I'm a friend of Nessa Hargreaves? Is she available?"

Audrey tapped her lip thoughtfully. Keith had told her that Nessa had fallen out with her two friends and it was a shame to see her at the wedding without them. "She left about ten minutes ago. Sorry! Can I take a message?"

Keiran - better known as Kip - sighed impatiently. "Never mind."

"If it's important then I can fetch her for you?"

"Don't bother. She'll be busy. But yes, if you'd be so kind as to pass on something then I'd be very grateful."

Audrey's eyes met her husband's as he walked up to her. "Who is it?" he asked.

"Nessa's friend Keiran Andersson," replied Audrey and stepped back in shock as Keith snatched the receiver from her and slammed it back down on its cradle with a bang. "Is something wrong."

Keith jammed a finger into the side of his head, as if pointing to someone's brain. "That kid is all wrong. Audrey, listen, don't tell Nessa he called."

"Whyever not?" Audrey asked, startled by her husband's insistence.

"Because Kip Andersson is a cruel young man. And if Nessa finds out he's been trying to find her she'll have a fucking breakdown! And I don't want her weekend spoiled." He sighed and took his wife's hand. "I didn't mean to snap. Nessa needs time to relax and I only see her that way with John."

"Do you think he'll be good for her though?" Audrey pressed. "He's so much older than her. He's rich and famous and.... " she lowered her voice. "You know he's got issues."

Keith snorted. "By issues you mean drugs? Alcohol? Come on, Audrey. When was the last time you saw John coked up? The last time he got utterly plastered? He's even stopped smoking for crying out loud!"

"But - "

"Audrey! She's good for him! Since Moonie went and since Alison left him he's been a wreck. A wreck! You know that. Remember him the week Moon died? God, I thought I was gonna blub at the sight of him." He shook his head at the memory. "Poor sod. But when Nessa is with him he's like a different person!"

Most of the party guests were leaving. Staggering out and holding each other up, babbling drunkenly about their night. Keith sighed. Society wasn't what it used to be. He hoped Nessa didn't grow up to be that way.  
Audrey stared at the telephone. "What did that boy do anyway? You and John always speak so secretly about it. Did they fall out badly, Nessa and Kip?"

...................

Tick, tick, tick....

Nessa's mind ached. She had been watching the hands on the clock on the wall move along for the last half an hour and she waited for sleep to take hold. But none came. Still as awake and alert as she was half an hour earlier, she bravely faced the fact that she would be groggy the next day.

She rolled over in bed, feeling the sheets stick to her sweaty legs. It was stiflingly hot. Even John, who was sound asleep and snoring softly beside her, had abandoned the covers. He lay with his back to her, wearing only a pair of faded pyjama trousers. Silently watching him, Nessa spent a moment familiarising herself with his appearance. His broad, pale back, the long line of his legs, the short, silvery sweep of hair..... She shook her head and looked away. She really should sleep. If she stayed awake he'd wake up too and worry, ask why she wasn't sleeping.   
Or ignore her. His brusque words had hurt Nessa but she knew deep, deep down that he meant it when he said he was sorry. Hadn't she said unkind words by accident before? She knew the horrible, gut-wrenching guilt that taunted and teased her. Knew that all was needed was an apology and a mutual understanding of what happened.

Mutual understanding.

The selfish part of Nessa refused to acknowledge her overreaction. She wanted to sit and cry and have John fawn over her with profuse apologies.... but that would not happen. Not if she grew up and acted her age.

She reached over and laid a cool palm against his shoulder. "John?"

No reply. The only sound was the tick-tick-ticking of the clock and Nessa's thudding heartbeat. Touching him felt like fire. Electricity. Sparks.  
She tried again, raising her voice a little and shaking him gently. "John? Wake up!"

This time, John stirred. He moved his head. Yawned. "Hmmm? What?" His voice was thick with sleep.

"Sorry to wake you. I... I couldn't sleep."

"So you woke me up too?!" he muttered but his voice held no anger. He turned round to face her, yawning again. Blue eyes hooded and in shadow, he gave off a mysterious character - enigmatic and intriguing. "What's up?"

"Umm. Nothing."

"You woke me up for nothing?" A grin slowly spread on his face.

"John?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Yes?"

She hugged her knees to her chest, thinking. The room was quite dim. Light enough to see each other but their faces were in shadow. "I was thinking about earlier... and I'm sorry."

"Shouldn't I be the one apologising?"

"No! I mean, you did. You did and I didn't accept that."

John sat up a little against the pillows. "I'm quite reconciled with the fact that you won't forgive me. I was mean and I'm sorry. You don't have to forgive me."

"But I want to!" protested Nessa.

"I've been a horrible person to you, Ness." He looked away with a sigh. "You could do a lot better than me."

"What do you mean?" she demanded.

"What I mean is," he said. "You should be impressing lads your own age! Going out to lunch and partying..... having fun. Not tailing after an old fart like me."

Nessa stared at him. She couldn't believe him. "You idiot."

"What?!"

"You are a total moron! You think I enjoyed dating boys my age? Do you think I'd be with you if I did? I've never liked young boys. They're so loud and mouthy and foul. Big-headed! I mean, you're all those things," she giggled. "But you do it so well! You're such an amazing man, John. I just wish you'd see that. See how happy you make me." She stopped and looked down at her hands in her lap, flushing crimson. "I don't usually talk that much."

It took a moment for John to be able to speak. He gently raised her chin with one finger to look at him. "Nessa, love. You are too extraordinary."

"You flatter me."

"I'm serious!" He leaned over to plant a kiss on her forehead. "I'm glad you told me that as young Jack had been informing me of his little fancy for you."

"Oh, Lord!" Nessa laughed. "I feel sorry for the poor boy. I don't know how to tell him!"

"Just kiss me passionately in front of him," John grinned.

"Ouch! Revenge I gather? The dominant male has been threatened?"

He laughed out loud. "Cheeky girl. But yes, I need to stake my claim!" In a surprisingly swift move for someone of John's height, he pinned Nessa beneath him. She lay there giggling hysterically. 

"Good shot, loverboy."

"Naturally," he said and lowered his head to rest his forehead against hers. "Do you forgive me now?"

Nessa stifled a laugh. "Huh. Softening me up before taking the opportunity? Oldest trick in the book!"

"But it worked?"

"What do you think?" She tilted her head upwards to kiss him. "Of course it worked." The kiss was gentle and they both took their time, savouring the moment, when a thought suddenly occurred to Nessa which made her nearly laugh out loud.   
Five months ago she was at home with Kip and Linda. Five months ago she was a plain university student. Five months ago she hadn't met John. Hadn't been the financial advisor of a famous rockstar. Hadn't fallen deeply in love...

If she'd been told that in five months time she'd be in bed next to a celebrity musician..... in fact no one would tell her that - it was too impossible.

But here she was.

It was purely by instinct that Nessa leaned in to kiss John again. It just felt right.  
She relished the rough scratch of his beard against her cheek and how his hand instantly went to cradle her cheek. He tilted her head back as he kissed her more deeply. Fiery and passionate.

Nessa closed her eyes. He'd never kissed her like this before. His insistence shocked her - his gentle hands now tangling themselves roughly in her hair, his lips forceful against hers.

She unwillingly let out a soft groan. John stopped kissing her and started chuckling.

"I... I didn't mean to..." she said glumly, hanging her head. "I'm sor-"  
But before she could finish, John had kissed her again.

"You're going to be making a lot more noise than that, my love," John whispered silkily in her ear.

Oh....

Nessa began to feel her heart beat faster and faster, the insistent thrum pounding in her ears. John moved his kisses from her lips to the hollow of her neck. He placed small butterfly kisses on the sensitive skin.

Her breathing hitched. "John...!" she gasped as he began gently nipping at her neck with his teeth. Flashes of pain mingled effortlessly with utter pleasure and she clearly saw why the two were so closely connected.   
John pulled back to look at her after a few moments. "Are you alright?"

"Are you kidding?!" Nessa couldn't breath.

He smirked. "I'm good, aren't I?"

"Narcissist." She felt her neck gingerly and winced. "Jesus, John! You're like a fucking vampire! I'll have one heck of a bruise there tomorrow."

"Badges of honour," grinned John and brushed a strand of hair back from her face. He then scrutinised her carefully, his brow furrowed in concentration. Nessa watched him, intrigued.

"Am I the first?"

Nessa flinched. "Sorry?"

"Have you... done this before?"

Even though she wouldn't want to be anywhere else, Nessa felt mightily embarrassed. "Umm..." she sighed. "No."

She waited for the laugh, the guffaw, the snort of hilarity.   
But it never came.   
John just simply smiled and kissed her cheek. "I don't want to pressure you."

"You don't have to," said Nessa. She meant it. Her mind was now made up. She had been waiting weeks for this, despite her doubts, and now seemed like the time.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Nessa..."

She rolled her eyes. "Just shut up and kiss me!"

He did. His fingers slipped under the straps of her nightgown and smoothed over the skin. His touch was like fire.

Nessa pulled back and unpinned her hair. She let it fall over her shoulders in loose waves and John stared at her. "I prefer it this way," he said and curled it round his fingertips.

"Make the most of it then!" Nessa smiled and touched his face, feeling the roughness of his beard. She pulled his face back to hers and continued to kiss him, letting him pull her down on top of him.  
Feeling brave, she sat across his lap, her arms wrapped tight around his neck. She pulled him closer and closer to her, feeling the warmth of his body against her. It made her head spin.

John tugged at the hem of her nightgown. They removed the garment together, Nessa raising her arms to pull if off.   
She wore nothing underneath.

An overwhelming feeling of embarrassment washed over Nessa and she reached to pull the covers over her naked body. John stopped her.  
He swept his calming gaze over her body and Nessa blushed fiercely. She never realised how physical a mere look could be. His gaze felt like human touch on her skin.  
With shaking fingers, John reached to gently touch Nessa's collarbone with his fingertips. When he felt her sigh softly, he let his hands trail downwards where he cupped the weight of her breasts in his palms.

Nessa held her breath.

"Ness..." John whispered and pressed his lips to her left breast. The air rushed out of Nessa's lungs in one ragged breath and she grabbed at his hair, fists curling. She had never felt anything like this.  
All past worries and nagging doubts instantly vanished as if by magic. Kip's threats and insults, the worries of her family and the initial fear of what was happening right now.... all gone.

She tilted her head back and screwed her eyes shut, biting back whimpers of pleasure as John did wonderful things to her senses. He was so careful, so gentle, so soft with her. Like she was made of bone china.

When he was finished, he sat back up, a beam etched on his handsome face. "Nessa?"

"J-John... stuttered Nessa. She was still catching her breath. "That was... that was..."

John laughed softly. 'We haven't finished yet." He looked down sheepishly. "Look what you've done to me!"   
He took her hand and placed it against the front of his trousers. Nessa bit back a giggle.  
Had she done that to him?!

John read her mind and laughed. "You little minx."

"I can't help it!" Nessa said and smirked at him, no longer feeling exposed or embarrassed. Even forgetting she was stark naked and sitting on the lap of a world famous rockstar. "It's all part of my charm."

"It certainly is," smiled John and began tugging at the waistband. "Do you want to work some more of that charm on me?"

"It'd be my pleasure," said Nessa as she slid her hands along his shoulders and ran them down his chest.  
When John's clothes, like Nessa's nightgown, were carelessly cast onto the floor, John gently lay Nessa down onto the pillows and he knelt beside her.  
She looked innocently beautiful sitting there, red-cheeked and smiling against the headboard. Her eyes were shining and her lovely hair was wild and curly.

"Ness...?" John said and she gazed serenely at him.

"Yes?"

"I love you."

She widened her eyes. The first time he had said it she had believed it but something had changed this time. Something deep had shifted. The sheer volume of feeling and emotion mustered in those three words was infinite.

"I-I love you too, John. I really do." She laughed as she said this, not quite believing it. "I love you!" She laughed again at how happy she sounded.

John ducked his head, his own face flushing crimson. "I'm glad we've got past that. I've been waiting a long time to say that properly."

"Oh yeah? How long?"

"Since I met you!"

"Don't be silly."

"OK! Since I heard you play the piano. Now Liebestraum plays into reality."

Nessa hummed in response. "'Love dream'. I never thought you'd be the cheesy-pick-up-line type, John!"

He tapped the side of his nose. "You've only scraped the surface." Nessa found herself lost in his gaze, hypnotised by his clear blue eyes.

"I want more than the surface."

"Your wish is my command," John smiled and stroked her cheek with one finger. "Ness? Please tell me if you don't want this."

Nessa pounced, pushing John back on the bed and straddling his hips, grinning at him. "You really think I'd say no?"

He replied with a smile and reached out with both hands to gently touch Nessa's cheeks. Then he traced his fingertips over her forehead, her eyelids, nose and lips before kissing her there.  
The breath inside Nessa had been held up until now and she gasped for air, the blood pounding in her ears. She had all but forgotten about embarrassment and fear even though she was fully aware she was completely naked and very vulnerable physically and emotionally.   
Laying her down on the pillows, John kissed her meaningfully. "Nessa..."   
The sound of his voice sent pleasant shivers down her spine and she arched her back.  
The room was warm but cool night air wafted in through the open windows and Nessa shivered in delight. Every nerve ending was alight with life, dancing and sparkling. It was like ice and fire all at once and the conflicting emotions swirled round and round in Nessa's head, making her dizzy.

John caressed her cheek and smiled at her. The sight of him above her, Nessa thought, was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen.  
"I love you."

"I love you, John," she gasped. She could never get tired of saying that. "I love you."  
His lips covered hers as he entered her, Nessa arching her back at the strange feeling. She closed her eyes and surrendered to him, letting him lead her to heaven and back, biting her lip to try and stop the strangled, animalistic sounds she knew she'd make from escaping.

"Christ!" she whimpered into John's neck and hung on tight to him, frightened that if she let to she'd go tumbling back to Earth.  
And she didn't want that.   
She was floating, flying on the crest of the wave of sheer blissful ecstasy that he made.......  
She felt like weeping when it was over. Weeping from emotion and amazement. Hot tears dribbled down her cheeks and John leaned down to kiss them away, not dreaming of questioning why she wept.

"John.... I -" Nessa began but her throat wouldn't let her speak.

"Shush, my love."

Neither of them spoke much after that as there was no need. Much had been said that night but not much that had involved words.


	23. Golden Days

So this is what it's like, thought Nessa with a sleepy smile. She stretched out lazily under the bedclothes. They do tend to hype up the whole concept of 'the morning after'.... but I can see why.  
The bright morning sun streamed in through the gap in the curtains and filled the room with golden light.   
Nessa closed her eyes and smiled once more.

She was happy. By God, she was happy. Happiness and pure relief flooded her veins and provided a warm, tingling sensation. Nessa opened her eyes and turned her head slightly to the side, her heart giving a mighty jolt as she was met with the sight of John's handsome figure beside her.  
He was sound asleep. His long eyelashes brushed softly against his cheek and his lips were slightly parted, his breathing a comforting sound to Nessa. The covers were bunched at his waist. One strong arm was coiled securely round Nessa's hip and the other was supporting his head as he dozed. Nessa's back was pressed into his chest. He was warm, so warm.   
They had fallen asleep this way, entangled in each other's arms and had no intention of letting go. Nessa knew she'd have to get up at some point but she pushed that thought aside and snuggled closer to him, head tucked under his chin.  
Her movement awakened him. "G'morning," he said sleepily. His voice was deep and rough and sent shivers down Nessa's spine.

"Hi."

"Aren't you a sight to behold!" he hummed and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

Nessa giggled. "Ditto. Sleep well?"

"Like a log."

"Ah, so that's why I could smell pine needles."

"Huh?"

"Like a tree. I'm joking."

John rolled his eyes and pulled her closer, his head spinning when he felt the soft curves of her body against him. "It's too early for jokes, dear. You'll have to try later."

"Maybe I will."

They lay entwined in each other's arms in complete silence until John began to chuckle softly. Nessa stared at him. "What?"

He continued to laugh and relished the look of annoyance on Nessa's face. She had pulled the covers up over her torso, hiding her body from him. Somehow in the morning light she felt exposed.  
Faded purple marks dotted the hollow of her neck and John smirked, adding to Nessa's irritation.  
She wriggled under his grasp. "John!"

"OK, OK! I was just thinking..."

"Well done, you."

"Oi! I had a very good idea. My hair is in need of a good shampoo, don't you think?"

Nessa stared at him. "Excuse me?" She patted down his silvery hair which was sticking up from his head. "That was your brilliant idea?!"

"I think I might need a nice long bath or shower..." he said slowly, watching Nessa's eyes.   
The penny dropped. She lifted her gaze to his and her face was pink. "John!"

"I told you it was a good idea!" he whispered as he kissed her gently.

"I haven't answered yet!"

"Answered?" said John cheekily. "I wasn't implying you'd join me! I can wash my own hair, you know."

Nessa pushed him away, giggling. "You're insufferable!"

"But you love me really."

"Do I?!"

"Well," said John as he pulled Nessa by the hand to the edge of the bed. "I assume from the reaction I got from you last night that you do!"

"You've got me there."   
As if she weighed little more than a baby, Johm picked her up - one arm fitting under her knees and the other under her arms.  
She squealed. "Put me down! Police brutality!"

"I'll save you, madame!" John laughed as he kicked the bathroom door shut behind them.

..................

Keith kissed his wife good morning as he seated himself across from her. He helped himself to a croissant and began to butter it, looking around the crowded breakfast room.   
"See them?"

Audrey sipped her coffee. "No sign yet! They're probably sleeping in. Poor Nessa. She looked so tired yesterday!"

"Hmmm," muttered Keith, trying not to grin. He took a bite of his croissant. "Or there's the other explanation."

"What?"

"Audrey! You're a linguistics lecturer! You're supposed to be clever!"

She huffed irritably. "Apologies if I'm not catching on! It is eight o clock in the morning!"

"I didn't mean it like that, love," apologised Keith and lowered his voice as the waiter brought a fresh pot of coffee. "I'd leave them to it if they got it on last night."

"Keith!" Audrey squealed and scowled at him. She had spilt her coffee. "Language!"

"That's not rude!"

"It is where we are!" she hissed and jerked her head to the side, mopping at the spilled coffee with a napkin. At the next table was a family with three young children. Keith bit back a giggle. Luckily, they didn't seem to have heard.  
Audrey shook her head at him. "And please moderate how you speak about your goddaughter!"

"Sorry, sorry!" said Keith.

"That's better. And I see what you mean now.... I did see them kissing last night. But, really. Why are we even discussing this?!" She laughed. "I feel like we're couple-spotting back in school!"

"What else is there to do?" laughed Keith.

"But I'm worried if she's not happy," Audrey pressed.

"How come?"

"Well, Nessa was a bit down, wasn't she? With Kip... Oh, if I ever set eyes on that boy again I'll beat him with my handbag!"

Keith smiled, his moustache curling upwards. "You tell him, Audrey! But ever since John came along she's been so happy. I've never seen her that happy!"

"If she's happy, I'm happy," Audrey said and suddenly caught sight of John and Nessa walking together towards their table, her arm tucked in his.

................

"Good morning, sir," said DC Dean McAllister as the front door of number 27 Acre Drive, Stow-on-the-Wold swung open. His battered unmarked police car was parked outside the front gate, its profile obscured slightly by the morning mist.  
A rail thin, shaggy haired young man stood in front of him, looking him up and down with cool, discerning eyes. He wore patched clothes that looked like they'd seen better days.

The young detective shifted his feet but tried to remained professional. "Keiran Andersson? My name is Detective Constable Dean McAllister." He flashed his identification. "I have a few questions for you."

The young man didn't flinch. "On what grounds?"

"Domestic abuse and threatening behaviour, sir," replied DC McAllister. "May I come in?"

"Would you like to stay here and talk?"

He shrugged. "Whatever suits you."   
DC McAllister watched with wary eyes as Keiran Andersson descended the few steps onto the garden path. He moved effortlessly, gracefully. Like a cat.  
Brushing his golden hair from his eyes, he sat down on the steps and stared up at the detective. "Well?"

DC McAllister got out his notebook. "Sources have told us that you have been exhibiting violent and threatening behaviour towards your girlfriend over the last year. Linda Smith? Is she here?"

"What sources?"

"Sorry?"

"What sources have provided this information?"

"I'm afraid that I'm not at liberty to say."

Something shifted in Keiran Andersson's eyes. Blue fire danced in his pupils. His body became tense.  
DC McAllister swallowed. He had interviewed many suspects in his short time as an officer, but none like this one.  
There was something about him that churned his stomach.  
"And Linda Smith?"

"She's out," replied Keiran Andersson.

"Ah, I see. Do you know what time she will be back?"

Keiran Andersson's eyes flashed. "No."

"Do you accept the accusations that have been imposed by these sources?"

"No."

"If an arrest is made you have full legal rights. Do you have a lawyer?"

"You haven't arrested me yet," said Keiran Andersson.

"No, we haven't," replied DC McAllister.

"Then I don't need a lawyer."

"You may request one in the near future -"

"If I'm arrested, yes yes."

"You seem familiar with this routine?" DC McAllister said slowly.

"Not at all."

"So, do you beat up your girlfriend regularly?"

Keiran Andersson rose from his sitting position. "That's hardly professional." He was a good head shorter than the detective but he still seemed to ooze dominance and DC McAllister seemed to shrink in his boots. "Is it?"  
The detective blinked. He thought of his wife and child back at home.

"With all due respect, sir, this is standard procedure," DC McAllister said shakily. "Do you know the police at all?!" He hoped his attempt at a smile would put Keiran Andersson at ease.... no such luck.

"Well, you're certainly playing with fire," Keiran Andersson said with a chuckle. "Now. Fly away, detective. Fly away before your feet get burned."

"But I haven't finished yet."

"I'm terribly sorry but I seem to be out of time. Thank you for your patience. I'm sure there's no need for you to return."   
He turned to go. "One more thing." He regarded DC McAllister coolly. "Tell your little source that I don't appreciate lies being spread about me. Goodbye, detective."  
He slammed the door in his face.

................

John, Nessa, Keith and Audrey spent the rest of their day lazily driving round the streets of Paris. They took lunch in a quaint little place by the river and shared a bottle of wine. It was when the evening set in that the four split into two. Keith and Audrey retired to their hotel suite for the day while John and Nessa sat outside in the courtyard that overlooked some magnificent gardens.

"Not a patch on Quarwood, is it?" Nessa said as she cast her eye over the view.

"Not quite," replied John.

"I miss it, you know. I sort of see it as a second home."

John slung an arm round her shoulders and she leaned into him. "It could be a first home if you like?"

"I couldn't possibly stay!" Nessa said but she wanted with all her heart to say yes. "You've got to have a bit of space and...." she broke off as John smiled at her.

"I'm not asking you. I'm telling you to! Stay with me? At Quarwood? Please."

"Yes."

"You will?"

Nessa shifted herself closer to him, threading her arms through his. "I'd love nothing more than that. If you'll have me?"

"Anytime," assured John. He gazed off into the sunset, smiling a little at how perfect the moment was.  
Here he was in a beautiful city with a beautiful woman and with a beautiful life ahead of him.... nothing could change that. Even he was hugely surprised at Nessa's affection for him. She seemed to disregard his money, his fame, his status. She treated him like a human being and to John she was not just a lover. A friend.

Nessa stood up and stretched, the golden sunlight highlighting her dark hair and accentuating the contours of her heart-shaped face.  
She suddenly winced and sat back down.

"What is it?" asked John in concern.

"Oh, nothing. I'm fine."

"You're hurt?"

Nessa smiled shyly and refused to meet his eyes. "After last night. It hurts a bit." She pointed to her midriff, just below the waist of her skirt.

"Hurts?" John's brow furrowed. "Ness, if I've hurt you I would never -"

"No! John, it's fine. I kind of feel.... hollowed out. Aching. If that makes sense." She laughed at herself. "Linda told me months ago that it felt like that!"

John looked a little calmer. "I hope it wasn't too hard on you."

"Don't be stupid. I could take worse." She was challenging him.

"Oh, really?"

"Mm hmm." She leaned closer. "Fancy taking me to the edge?"

Her dirty talk astounded John. His jaw dropped. "Nessa! Good God. Will you stop teasing me?" He glanced down at her hand on his leg. "Stop it."

"Or what?"

"Nessa!"

She moved her hand further up his leg, keeping her beautiful eyes fixed on his.   
John looked around. Hopefully there was no one out for a late night walk! But the courtyard seemed deserted and all the curtains were drawn in the hotel room windows above.  
Nessa saw him looking. "Nervous?"

"Of you? You're frightening me!"

She giggled. "You should be." Her touch was light on his leg. "It's my turn to take control tonight."

John's throat closed up. He couldn't speak. He made pathetic gasping noises like a fish out of water as Nessa moved her hand higher still.  
When her hand reached the waistband of his trousers, she had him practically begging for her.


	24. It's Hard

Smoothing his slender fingers over the words on the page, he tried with all his might to calm his mind.  
Hot, red rage seethed. Burned like hot coals and consumed his every thought. He read the painful words over and over again and each one was like an arrow piercing his heart. Another one. Another. Another.   
Beside the notebook in his hand, he glanced at the pristine white letter smoothed out on the tabletop.  
The letter was written in sloping blue handwriting with the signature neatly printed at the bottom - Detective Constable Dean McAllister.  
Kip gritted his teeth and reached into his pocket, drawing out a cigarette lighter.  
He held the quivering flame to the corner of the letter and watched with quiet satisfaction as the tongues of fire licked the sides of the paper. He dropped it once the flames reached his hand and watched it smoulder. He ground it underneath his foot.  
Ashes scattered amongst the dust on the linoleum floor.  
Kip returned his attention to the dark blue notebook lying innocently on the table and slipped his lighter back into his pocket.   
There would be another time for that.

........

Three days later......

"Are you sad to leave?" John asked. He walked beside Nessa who seemed to be unnaturally quiet. "I hope you've enjoyed it."

She smiled at him. "I've loved every second. My mother rang this morning. She was sad to not have met you!"

"From what you've told me I'm better off keeping my distance!"

"Do you mind? That's my mother you're talking about!" But Nessa nodded. "Perhaps you're right."

Keith and Audrey met them in the hotel lobby, guarding a fleet of suitcases. "Alright! Are you ready to go?"

"Oh, God," John said. "I've forgotten my other bag." He fished the keys out of his pocket. "I'll just go back and get it."

Nessa took them from him. "I'll go, John."

"Oh, thanks, Ness," he said and squeezed her hand gratefully.

"Quickly," Audrey said as she studied her watch. "The car is waiting!"

"Don't worry!" Nessa said over her shoulders as she made her way back up the stairs to their room  
She slipped the key into the lock and pushed the door open, feeling a naughty spark of delight grasp at her heart as she set eyes on the room again. So many memories. She had to bite her lip to keep her from smiling.

Sure enough, John's satchel was lying on the floor beside the bed. Laughing, Nessa bent to pick it up. John was always so forgetful! Only the other day he'd left his --

A letter.   
A folded sheet of paper drifted from the satchel as Nessa picked it up. She stared at it in confusion and she bent down to examine it. There was an almost overpowering floral scent wafting from the thin paper. It was pale pink in colour and the handwriting as Nessa unfolded the paper was small and neatly printed.  
She began to read.

...............

The flight back was uneventful for the most part. Keith and Audrey were seated two rows back from Nessa and John.  
Nessa read Melody Maker fervently, trying to stop herself crying out in anguish.

That traitor.... after everything we went through!

But she concentrated on the pages while John stared vacantly out of the window. Her appearance today was a little more ragged. Her hair hung limply to her shoulders and she felt empty and hollow inside.   
Her fists clenched.

"Whoah," John chuckled. "You're going to rip that page! Careful." He reached over to touch the hand clutching page 16 of Melody Maker.

And she flinched.

John realised what had happened before Nessa did and stared at her in stunned silence.   
Nessa tried to act as if nothing happened, going back to reading. But she couldn't ignore the reproachful expression on his face.  
"What is it?" she asked.

"Nessa? Are you alright?" He folded his arms across his chest.

"Yes. Why?"

He laughed in disbelief. "You honestly don't know why?!"

"Tell me then if I'm so stupid."

"What's the matter with you?" John pressed. "I understand if you're upset to leave but acting as if I'm contagious won't solve that."

"I'm not acting like anything," Nessa hissed. "Leave me alone!"

He frowned at Nessa's narrowed eyes. "With pleasure." He stood up and left his seat, stalking between the aisle of seats on the plane.

He was gone for a long time. Nessa wept silent tears behind her magazine.

..............

Jack greeted them at the iron gates of Quarwood with Flynn sat at his heels. "Good to see you all again!" he called as John and Nessa climbed out the car. "I got back yesterday. I needed to tend to the rose bushes!" A pair of garden shears were clutched in his gloved hands.

Nessa pulled her suitcases from the car. "Hello, Jack."

"Good trip?"

"Lovely thanks," she said flatly and closed the car door a little too firmly. Jack raised an eyebrow.  
But he didn't push it. "Ah, Mr Entwistle! Flynn is pleased to see you!"

On cue, the giant grey dog bounded towards his master but diverted his course as John bent down to greet him. Instead, Flynn trotted to Nessa and sat at her feet, tongue lolling from his great mouth.

John straightened up. "It seems I'm the enemy again."

Jack watched him walk away. "What's got his goat?"

"Tired," replied Nessa.

"I'll believe that when I see it. Have you two had a little domestic?"

"Jack!" reproached Nessa. "No, we haven't had a domestic."

"What then?"

Nessa sighed deeply and scratched Flynn's ears. His large eyes seemed to comfort her a little. "We.... we've just fallen out a little. That's all."

"You can tell me," Jack said kindly and came over to her. He patted her shoulder. "After all, I'm only the gardener!"

Nessa was touched by his kindness. "Thanks, Jack. But please don't tell John I told you."

"I promise."

She reached into her coat pocket "You see, I found this letter in his satchel....."

................

It was John's turn to be stony faced as he poked his head round the bedroom door. "Bedtime already?"

Nessa, sat cross-legged on the quilt with a newspaper spread in front of her, looked up. "I suppose so." She had changed into her nightclothes.

"It's only ten o clock."

Nessa shrugged.

"For Christ's sake!" John suddenly cried and stormed off, slamming the door. Nessa refused to cry. She wiped her eyes fiercely with the back of her hand and tried to focus on the evening news.  
But the letter in her pocket was taunting her.

She pulled it out with trembling fingers and read it a second time, trying not to gag from the powerful floral aroma emanating from the paper.   
The words danced before her eyes and anger bubbled up inside her. She wanted to scrunch it up and burn it, never set eyes on it again. She didn't want to believe what it was. Forget all about it and move on.

But she couldn't.

Wrapping her dressing gown tighter around her she quietly made her way to the door and out into the hallway. With a start she realised that the gilt framed photograph of John and Alison on their wedding day had been removed from the wall.

She could hear noises coming from downstairs. She padded silently down to the ground floor and looked around. Opposite the front door was the strange fish hanging above another set of doors.  
She hadn't been in there yet.  
The noises were coming from in there.

Tentatively she pushed on the wood and tried to ignore the dead-eyed stare from the stuffed fish. The room was huge. High ceilinged and dimly lit. Tables and chairs crammed the carpeted floor and Nessa was surprised to see a bar set up at one end with glasses and bottles of all sorts set up.

She felt out of place in her nightclothes.

John was sitting slumped at a far table with a full glass of pale brown liquid in front of him. He hadn't registered her presence.... or had chosen to ignore it.

"John?" Nessa called out. She still had the letter in her hand. "John?"

He didn't reply. He continued staring listlessly at the glass.

"John! Listen to me. I'm sorry if I've been obnoxious but --"

"Obnoxious?" he snorted.

"Yes. I'm sorry if I have been."

"You fucking flinched away from me! Ignored me all day....." His voice was slightly slurred and his face was red.  
Nessa hesitated. She'd seen him all day - how could he be drunk already? Plus, she'd heard from friends that it took a lot of alcohol to intoxicate John.

"I know I did and I'm sorry... but I need to ask you about --" She pointed in horror at the table. "What is that?"

John stared at the white smudge staining the table. "Nothing."

"John! For God's sake! I'm not a child!" Nessa cried. "That's cocaine."

"Icing sugar."

"You fucking bastard, it's cocaine!" Nessa burst into tears. "I thought you stopped!"

He stared at her blankly. "You never said about stopping."

"Didn't I?!" She wracked her brain. "But it's common sense, isn't it?! That stuff will kill you, John!"

"It's doing you no harm."

"That's not the point," Nessa said thickly. She was blinded by tears. She wished he'd put his arms around her, kiss her, comfort her..... but he wasn't in the right mind. "I don't care about myself. I care about you!"

"Don't lie," said John. "No one cares about me."

"Enough of the self pity! You're drugged up. You're not yourself."

John took a gulp of his drink and his eyes glazed over. "Get out."

"Excuse me?!"

"I said, get out!"

"I'm not going anywhere. You wanted me at Quarwood so you'll fucking get me at Quarwood." She looked him up and down with disgust. "I can't believe I trusted you, loved you, slept with you. You're not the John I know."

In one terrible moment, John moved towards her. He was quick on his feet. Nessa saw his arm raised above his head and she froze in utter terror.

His hand dropped to his side. "Go."

Nessa didn't need to be told twice. Hands over her face, she fled the bar and practically tripped up the stairs where she collapsed in a sobbing heap on the top step.

He'd tried to.... he'd tried to.....

She wept for what felt like hours and stayed sitting on the step, hugging her knees. The letter was still clutched in her hand.  
She'd completely forgotten about it.  
At some point she must have fallen asleep and when she woke up she was lying in John's bed.

...................

Nessa felt heavy with relief when Maisie opened her front door. Her silver hair was tied back in a bun and her face was tanned from the sun. She beamed as she saw Nessa.  
"Oh! My darling girl! How I've missed you!"  
She embraced Nessa warmly. "My, have you grown since I last saw you!"

"Not by very much," Nessa grinned. "I've only been away for a few days!"

"I've still missed you. Please, come on in! I've just put the kettle on."  
Maisie stepped back to let Nessa through and closed the door. She led the way to her cramped yet homely kitchen where the kettle was cheerfully whistling on the stove.

Sitting upon the tabletop was Lyle. "Lyle!" Nessa cried as she scooped him up. He began to purr. "Thanks ever so much for looking after him, Maisie."

"Ah, he's been a joy!" Maisie said as she poured two steaming mugs of tea. "Sugar?"

"One please."

They sat at the table with Lyle rubbing round Nessa's ankles. "Did you enjoy yourself, dear?" asked Maisie.

"Oh yes. Paris was beautiful! The hotel was very posh! Not much compared to here, of course."

"Not my house!"

"It's beautiful," insisted Nessa. "And my sister's wedding was rather fun."

"Did she meet John?"

"Yes. I... I think she approved."

Maisie smiled. "If you're happy with him then I'm happy, darling. I hope he treated you well on your holiday," she added with the tiniest wink.

"Um.. Yes. He was lovely. I had the most fantastic time.... but..." She shook her head, making her curls bounce.

Maisie let her take her time. Lyle jumped onto the table and butted his head under Nessa's chin affectionately.  
"He... it was when we were ready to leave."

"Yes?" Maisie asked patiently.

"I found a letter." She pulled the item in question from her pocket and set it down on the table.  
Her tea was going cold.

"Can I read it?" Maisie asked.

She nodded. "I need as many opinions as I can!"  
She watched Maisie's eyes move down the page. When she finished, Maisie sat back and smiled pityingly at Nessa. "Oh, you poor darling."

"C-can you help me? Please?" Nessa asked pleadingly. "I don't know know what to do!"

Maise opened her mouth to speak but she was interrupted by a sharp rap at the door.  
Wanting to occupy herself in case she burst into tears again, Nessa ran for the door.  
She opened it on a smartly dressed man with thinning hair, though he only looked to be in his thirties.   
"Oh, good morning," he said politely. "I'm looking for a Nessa Hargreaves?" He held out a badge. "My name is Detective Constable Dean McAllister."


	25. Confrontations

"I'll give you a call," said DC McAllister as he opened the door of his car. "If you hear anything just let us know."  
With a smile and a wave, he drove away.

Nessa flipped his business card over and over in her hands, thinking. Who could have told them?  
She certainly hadn't informed the police about Kip's violent behaviour. Though she wanted Kip locked up, she didn't have the guts to tell the police about him.  
So who did?

Maisie set a hand on Nessa's shoulder. "You look tired, sweetheart. Go and have a nap."

"Oh, I'm alright," she replied with a forced smile. "Besides. I... I have to talk to John."  
She started to walk down the garden path.

"Be patient with John," called Maisie. "He loves you dearly. You know that, don't you?"

Nessa smiled but didn't answer.

............

He found her sitting beside the fire. The armchair she was curled up in dwarfed her: it was a huge, leather thing. Her cardigan was tightly wrapped around her shoulders and she was savagely biting at her thumbnail. It was a gesture she'd only just become accustomed to. Nerves were the cause.

"Hello, darling," said John and seated himself in the chair opposite. He winced. Maybe darling was the wrong thing to say.

She didn't reply, only gazed impassively into the orange flames. The light cast dancing shadows over her pale face and once again John was overwhelmed by her beauty. His heart grew heavy at her sombre expression.  
When was the last time she'd smiled at him?

She shifted in the chair, clearing her throat. "How are you?"

"I'm.... alright," John said. He didn't know what to say.

"Good."

"Do you not feel well?" asked John anxiously. Her voice was strained and she looked extremely fatigued.

"Not really, no."

"Can I do anything?"

She met his gaze. "Just sit with me. Please."

John was prepared to do anything for her... even if she'd told him to leave. But her request pleased him and he felt very content watching her stare into the fire. Her green eyes flamed orange and yellow in the partial darkness and she looked almost ethereal.

She coughed. "Sorry. I haven't been very well today. I hope you don't catch anything!"

"I'm sure I will!" he said. "With you here. But I don't mind. I'm the Ox! I can take anything!"

A near smile.

Lyle trotted quietly into the room and leapt up onto Nessa's lap. He immediately curled up to sleep and Nessa ran her hand over his soft fur. Flynn was sitting by the fire with his great head on his paws.  
It made for a picturesque moment...

"John?" asked Nessa. "Do you love me?"

"Of course I do."

"Do you promise?" Her eyes were filled with tears.

"I love you, Nessa. I promise. I really do."

"Then why did I find this letter?" She pulled out a sheet of paper from her pocket and held it up. The firelight turned paper orange.

"What is it?" asked John.

"You tell me," she spat and unfolded the letter. "My dearest John...... I miss you with all my heart. How could you fall in love with a teenager when I was always there for you? In spite of things I still love you and I know you love me. Remember how you called me that night? You miss me."

John's heart sank. "Nessa. Listen, please."

She glared at him. "Shut up. There's more! You said yourself that you weren't sure about HER. Weren't sure if you really loved her..." Nessa trailed off, biting her lip. "I'll come back one day, John. I promise. I love you! More than she will. You wanted me to come back when I left. You wrote every week. But I forgive you. I miss you. I love you. Remember that."

John was frozen to the spot as Nessa read the words through a veil of tears. She looked utterly distraught.  
"I wait for your reply and invitation for me to come back to you.   
All my love, Maxene Harlow."  
Nessa set down the letter on the armrest. Her eyes were glazed over. "So. What are you going to do?"

"Nessa. I-I don't know what to say. You misunderstand this and -"

"Do I?" she hissed. "Do I? Don't fucking patronise me! How dare you?! You've been messing around with Maxene behind my back?"

"No!"

"Then what's that letter then?"

"She wrote to me."

"I found it in your bag back in Paris," said Nessa. Lyle had jumped off her lap at the tone of her voice. "And I wondered why you hadn't hidden it so well. Did you want me to find it? Did you want to avoid telling me yourself that you don't love me? Neat way to do it. Let the ex-fiancée break it to me?!"

"Nessa! I swear I wasn't -" protested John.

"Oh, shut up. You sicken me. You let me think you love me for so long and I started believing you! I believed you!"

"I do love you," John growled. He had risen from the chair and towered above her. "You're talking shit! I love you. Not her."

"Ha! That letter says otherwise."

"I haven't replied. She's been bombarding me with letters ever since she left! I burn them, Nessa. I hate the thought of them."

Nessa said nothing and flinched away when he crouched to meet her at eye level. "Please believe me. I'd never leave you. Never."

"You didn't reply?"

"No. I was keeping that one to show you when we got home. Show you why I need you." He ran a shaking hand through his silvery hair. "What you must have thought of me."

Nessa swallowed, seeing sadness in his face. "B-but she said about you calling her... writing to her... did you?"

"No. No. But I called her once to tell her to get the hell out of our lives." He risked a bold move by reaching out and tucking a strand of Nessa's hair behind her ear. "When she left, she knew I loved you. She rang in the hope of talking to you but I got there." He grinned sheepishly. "I, err, got very angry."

The dim light in the room no longer seemed intimidating. It was comforting and warm and Nessa felt herself smiling at long last.  
He visibly relaxed at her smile and planted a kiss on her forehead. "What would I do without you?"

"God only knows," Nessa sang, quoting her beloved Beach Boys. She leaned in to kiss him on the lips. Shocking her, John gently pushed her away.  
"Not yet. I still.... I still can't believe what I did - nearly did - before."

"Oh."  
Nessa had briefly forgotten his white hot anger. His gaze contorted with fury, drug-fuelled fury. His hand raised as if to strike her.... it still scared her. "John. I knew you wouldn't do it and -"

"I'd die if I hit you," he said bitterly. "I would never forgive myself."

"John! You didn't. I knew you wouldn't do it. You're not a bad person."

"But -"

"No!" Nessa firmly. "Don't say that. Don't."  
And she took him in her arms. There was nothing romantic about their embrace. They both needed each other and no kiss could ever show that enough.  
They held onto one another for a long time as the fire died out.

"Plus you wouldn't want to kiss me when I'm ill," smiled Nessa. "I don't want you getting sick too. When does the tour leave?"

"Three days."

"That close?" she breathed. "I don't want you to go."

John took her hand. "We got into this problem last time. Come with me."

"I can't. I have to go to my graduation and -"

"When is that?"

"17th of November."

"Well, we get back to London on the 15th," John said excitedly. "You can make it. Please, love. I want you there."

He was very convincing. Nessa smiled and ducked her head. She blushed. "Alright. I'll come."

"You're a darling," said John and hugged her to him. His body was warm against hers and she was reminded of other times... times which still were fresh in her mind.

"John?"

"Hmmm?"

"If I go on tour will you kiss me again?"

He laughed. "That and more."

..............

DC McAllister sat at his desk with a cigar held between his fingers. Piles of paper were stacked up on the desk. The lamp cast a dull, yellow haze over his work and he rubbed his eyes.   
It was late.  
He had one name on his mind and he worried he'd be saying it in his sleep. What would his wife think?!   
Shuffling a sheaf of papers into place, one particular page caught his eye. It was the report on the interview with Nessa Hargreaves.  
He remembered it vividly. She was a bright young girl with obvious intelligence.... but he'd sensed some reserve in her.  
Fear, even.  
She spoke cautiously when she'd answered his questions, as if she was reluctant to say. Clearly, Keiran Andersson frightened her. She'd told him about how she had never noticed Kip's suspicious behaviour until recently and how he'd become so destructive in such a short time. Nessa swore she didn't know about it before.  
She was rather reluctant to speak about Kip's girlfriend - the alleged victim - Linda Smith. According to Nessa they'd had an argument and weren't speaking. When DC McAllister had enquired as to the nature of this argument, Nessa hadn't replied.

DC McAllister stared wearily at the report and took off his reading glasses, polishing them on his blazer hem.  
Not enough evidence.....  
He sat back in his chair and sighed. There was something wrong here. Very wrong. And he aimed to find what it was.

And here was his chance. "Come in!" he called as there was a knock at the door.  
It opened to reveal a tall, dark-haired girl with a grave expression on her pretty face. She wore unironed clothes that looked several sizes too large.  
"Ah, Miss Smith!" said DC McAllister warmly. "Right on time. Please - sit down." He nodded at the chair in front of his desk and she sat, glancing nervously around her.

"Will this take long?" Linda asked.

DC McAllister smiled. "Not at all. I only have a few questions. Would you like tea? Coffee?"

"No thanks."

"Right then. Let's begin." He passed her a sheet of paper. "This was filed to me by anonymous sources." He watched as she scanned the page. "They had concern over your boyfriend abusing you."

"Well, they're wrong," she said as she passed back the page.

"Our sources were very thorough."

"What do they know?" Linda said. "Who are they?"

The detective shook his head sadly. "Unfortunately I can't say."

"Can I guess?"

"You could say the right answer a hundred times over and I'd still say no," said DC McAllister. "Now. If you'd be so kind as to tell me how long you've known Mr Andersson?"

"For three years. We met while I was at university."

"And what is his occupation?"

"He's a... binman," said Linda. She blew her nose on a tissue she fished from her handbag. "Excuse me. Before that I don't know what he did."

"He didn't tell you?"

"No."

"Alright. How would you describe him as a boyfriend?"

Linda scowled. "I know what you're investigating him for. You think he's abusing me. Threatening me. Don't try and wheedle answers out of me! All you need to do is ask if he's been abusing me!"

"Is he exhibiting violent and threatening behaviour?"

"No," said Linda firmly and swung her handbag over her shoulder. "And that's all I'm going to say. Thank you detective, but I must be going." She pushed back her chair and stood up, heading for the door.

"Wait a minute, Miss Smith," called the detective. "What's that on your cheek? A bruise?"

Linda brought her hand up to her face. "Nothing," she said and left the room.

................

Two days later......

Nessa felt light-headed when she woke up. Her throat was sore and her nose ran.  
She left John dozing in bed beside her and made her way into the kitchen. She fed Flynn and Lyle and made herself a cup of weak tea, relishing the soothing effect on her sore throat.

The calendar hung on the wall just below the clock. A large red circle marked the start of the Who's tour. Tomorrow.  
Nessa scratched her head. A chance to see the world with John appealed to her and she wanted more than anything to go with him... but her conversation with DC McAllister had worried her.  
Who'd informed the police? She knew Kip would be furious about it. He may even take it out on poor Linda....

No!  
Nessa shook her head and downed the rest of her tea. Not now. Don't think about them.

"Oh, hiya, love," John smiled as he found her. "You feel any better?"

"Umm, a little," she replied. "I don't know. It's probably a cold or something. I tend to get those a lot!"

"Will you still come on tour with me?"

Nessa laughed affectionately. "Of course I will! I don't feel terrible. I can't wait to go."

"I'm glad. Do you have everything you need for it?"

She thought for a moment. "I'm not sure. I didn't bring a lot of things when I first came here. I'll go and have a look."

John waited for her. When she came back, she was shaking her head. "No use. I'll have to go and get my things."

"You're not going back there are you?"

"John. I only need to pick up some things and I'll only be a -"

"I don't want you near Kip," said John firmly. "Promise me, Ness. Please?"  
His eyes bored into her hers, insistent. "Nessa?"

She nodded. "OK, OK. Don't worry. I won't go. I suppose I'll just have to buy new things when we're away."

"Any opportunity to spoil you," beamed John. "I'm so glad you're coming with me. Two days and we'll be off! Have you been to America? You'll love it."


	26. As The World Falls Down

Nessa awakened early and gently extricated herself from John's arms. She hid a smile seeing him sleeping there and kissed his lips lightly before dressing herself.

She slung her bag over her shoulders and crept from the bedroom. Lyle was sitting by the door.  
He meowed as he saw her and rubbed his furry body round her ankles.  
"Quiet," Nessa said fondly. "Don't wake him up."   
She listened for a moment. John's deep breathing and soft snores could still be heard and Nessa sighed in relief.  
The sun was warm on her face as she stepped onto the concrete slabs of the front steps. Her heeled boots clacked on the hard surface, the sound changing to crunching as she padded down the driveway.

Quarwood shone in the morning sun. Its mighty walls towered above the beautiful green grounds and a familiar jolt of excitement clenched Nessa's heart.  
This was her home now.  
Her home.   
She could never get enough of saying it. All she needed was to gather the rest of her belongings from her previous home and she and John could be together forever.

.............

"If you please, sir," DC McAllister put forward timidly. "I'd like to reopen the case."

Superintendent Max Pearson looked the young detective up and down, noting the file in his hands. "What case?"

"Keiran Andersson's, sir. The domestic abuse?"

"Well? Give it here."

The detective handed it over and dithered while Superintendent Pearson idly flicked through it. His half-moon glasses sat on the edge of his beaked nose and his eyes darted from side to side as he scanned the page. "DC.... McAllister?"

"Yes, sir?"

"I thought we'd abandoned this due to lack of evidence."

"Well, yes, sir, but I can tell that something isn't right," said DC McAllister.

The Superintendent stared at him. "Do tell."

He swallowed. "I.... I'm not quite sure, but I interviewed Mr Andersson's girlfriend - the alleged victim - and she said that he didn't do anything to her."

"And you think she's lying?"

"Yes."

"Detective. I've been through this case a good few times and -"

"Keiran Andersson is a bully if I ever saw one," said DC McAllister firmly. "There was that look in his eyes. I know he's done something."

"Detective," warned the Superintendent as he unwrapped a pack of chewing gum. "You can't assume that someone had done something."

"But I know it was him!" DC McAllister protested. "I interviewed his old roommate and she seemed reserved. Frightened of him almost. She told me that Mr Andersson unnerved her and that he'd been bad in the past.... but she wasn't telling me everything. I know she wasn't."

"Detective!" repeated the Superintendent sharply. His jaw moved up and down as he chewed. "That's enough. Our whole force has been through this. There is not enough evidence! Got that?" He thrust the file back at the detective. "If you don't mind leaving, please. Case dismissed. OK?"

"But, sir!"

"Out!"

DC McAllister scuttled away, holding the file to his chest. He closed the door and stalked off to his office, muttering under his breath. He spread the file on his desk.  
Clenching and unclenching his fists, he stared at it. He ground his jaw. Twisted his hands over and over.  
"Fuck!" he hissed to himself and in one swift motion, picked up the file and threw it into the waste paper basket.  
Then, slipping on his jacket and grabbing his car keys, he made his way to reception and out of the door.

.............

It was just as she'd left it. The hanging baskets of geraniums above the front steps. The stained glass window set into the door. The worn welcome mat beneath her feet.  
It was just like old times.... only she wasn't welcome here anymore.  
"I'll just be in and out," Nessa told herself quietly. "Five minutes, that's all."

She knocked.

And waited.

And waited.

A shadow. A moving shape behind the greens and reds and blues of the stained glass. It got closer and closer until it stood still, only two inches from the glass. Nessa held her breath. With a click the door swung open.

"Why, Nessa. It's good to see you again. It feels like years since we've seen you."  
Kip smiled radiantly, his hand extended. "Do you remember me?!"

"Hello, Kip," replied Nessa. She tried to keep the terror from her voice. "How are you?"

"I am tip top," he grinned. "Fancy you coming this early! Why don't you come in?"  
He held the door open for her.

"Well, you see. I needed to come and get some of my things. I'm.... I'm going away soon and I needed to pack."

"With the old man?"

Nessa swallowed. "With John, yes. The Who go on tour tomorrow and I'm going with them."

"I see," Kip said. "Please. Come in."

Almost robotically, Nessa ascended the steps into the front porch. She remembered times when she'd return from a lecture with Linda in tow. They'd laugh about the latest gossip and have lunch with Kip....... Go out in the town.... watch a film.....  
How times had changed.

The door slammed behind her and from that moment on she knew something was wrong.

.............

John woke to an empty space beside him. He frowned. He loved waking beside her in the morning with her arms wrapped around him, the warmth of her body against his.... where was she?  
Sometimes she'd wander downstairs and make them both tea. But she'd always bring it back to bed and drink it with him. She was always there when he woke up.

John dressed and made his way down the stairs and I to the kitchen. Flynn looked up eagerly from his basket, pink tongue hanging out.

There was a piece of paper taped to the back of a chair. John unstuck it and began to read.

John,  
I've just nipped out to get my things. I won't be long. I know you said not to.... I'm a bad girl! Sorry.   
I love you.  
Nessa xx

..................

DC McAllister drummed his fingers on the steering wheel as the radio blared out of the speakers. Grey clouds had accumulated over the last half an hour and now rain was pelting onto the windscreen.  
The detective turned the volume up and nodded his head in time to the beat.  
He turned onto Applecross Street and parked behind a battered Ford where he could just about see the house on the end of Acre Drive.  
Number 27 Acre Drive.  
Putting on his glasses, he sat back in his seat and consulted his watch. Ten o clock.  
He waited.

...............

The faded tartan blanket that covered the sofa felt rough through her jeans as Nessa sat down. Though she spent two years of her life in this house, it had never felt so uninviting.  
She shivered.

"Here you are!" Kip said pleasantly as he walked in. He held a tray with a teapot, teacups and a milk jug. Setting it down on the coffee table, he began to pour out two cups.   
He paused. "You take sugar don't you?"

"Umm, yes," said Nessa. "One."

"Oh, I remember now. You'd forget things like that. You'd forget if your best friend went away."

Nessa didn't speak. She watched as Kip stirred one teaspoon of sugar into her cup and handed it to her. She sipped it anxiously, never taking her eyes off the smiling blond boy.

He sat back on the armchair, kicking his feet up on table. "So. Has he got tired of you yet?"

"Excuse me?"

"The old man," said Kip, his smile never wavering once. His teeth shone brightly. "Has he got tired of you?"

"Kip. I don't know what -"

"Shush. I think you do."

"No you don't."

His smile quivered slightly. "I knew his intention all along was to use you."

"Use me?!" Nessa cried.

"Yes. An old, divorced man who lives alone in a big house. Lots of money.... but no woman." Kip licked his lips. "He's missing a decent sex life."

"How dare you!" Nessa said quietly and set down her teacup. She was shaking with rage. "Don't you dare speak about John like that."

"So is he enjoying the sex then?"

"Shut up!"

"Oh," Kip sighed. "I remember. You're a virgin, aren't you?" He narrowed his eyes. "Or were you?"

"That's private," Nessa snapped.

"That means yes," said Kip. Satisfied, he sat back in the chair. "So he's taking you away then?"

"Tomorrow."

"He can abandon the groupies then."

"John had told me everything about his lifestyle," sighed Nessa. "And he's done with it."

Kip shook his head sadly, as though he were scolding a young child. "Poor girl. He's really got you under his thumb."

"Like you've got Linda under yours," Nessa hissed. She stood up, feeling fear rip through her as she saw Kip's ocean blue eyes flash dangerously.

"Linda?" Kip asked. "Whatever do you mean?"

"I know you've been hurting her," said Nessa as she backed towards the door. "The police know about you."

"So they do," replied Kip. He remained seated. "How do they know?"

"What?"

"How. Do. They. KNOW?!" he suddenly screamed, leaping from the armchair and striding towards Nessa.  
She shrieked and twisted the doorknob but he got their first. He leaned against it, his cheeks flamed with fury. His eyes blazed.

"Listen, you little bitch," he seethed. "I know you told the coppers. I know it was you."

"Kip? No, it -"

"Shut up! I want you to leave us alone. Do you get that?" His voice was deadly quiet. He leaned forward to whisper almost gently in her ear. "Get away from us and stop poking your nose into my affairs. If I even see a police car in the street I'll kill you."

Nessa felt sick. "But I didn't -"

"Shut the hell up! Did you hear what I said? If you come near me or Linda again I'll kill you. Besides, I know your little secret."

............

Linda poked her head round the door. And gasped in horror.  
She stepped inside, her hands over her face.  
"Kip?!" She cried. "What the hell have you done?!"

...............

Movement!  
DC McAllister rubbed his eyes and sat up straight as he saw the door of number 27 Acre Drive open. Someone stepped out.   
He peered through the windscreen now dotted with droplets of rain. I  
Someone wearing a long brown coat and a headscarf had exited the house. They walked quickly along the pavement, turning their head to look around. Once they rounded the corner onto Queens Crescent, DC McAllister slowly pulled out from his parking space and began to follow.

...................

Nessa inhaled sharply as Kip spoke. He was panting slightly from his sudden lurch for the door. "How the hell did you know?" Ice gripped at her heart. How did he know?

"I know things, Nessie," he said. His fists had an iron grip on the lapels of her jacket. She was stuck.  
She wanted to scream, to cry out for help. But she knew she couldn't. She thought of John. And the note she left. I'm so sorry, John.....  
A tear ran down her cheek.

"Don't cry, baby," Kip whispered softly and pressed his lips to her cheek.

She recoiled in horror, furiously batting him away, but he held firm.   
"Get the hell away from me!"

"Quit squirming!" Kip giggled. "Now. Tell me." He leaned closer. "Did anyone else know?"

"HELP!"

Kip flinched at her sudden scream. But only for a second. He pushed her hard into the door, pressing her face into the wood. But Nessa still fought. "Please! Help!"

"AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS?!"

"Yes!" Nessa sobbed. "Yes! Yes, you are!"

He relaxed, softening his grip on her jacket. "I hope you're not lying."

"I'm not! I'm not! John doesn't know."

"Good." He released his grip entirely and Nessa lurched away from him. She wept silently, folding her arms over her stomach as if to hold herself together.

"I'll go. Just please leave me... us alone? And leave Linda alone. Don't.... don't hurt her."

"I'd never hurt Linda," said Kip, wounded. "I'd never do that. I never hurt people who don't hurt me."  
He stared blankly at Nessa. "But I don't like people who tell tales."

"Kip?"

"Liars! Filthy liars. Liars who tell LIES about people like me. People who do no harm."

"You are insane," Nessa said bitterly.

"SHUT UP!" he screamed. "I am not a violent person! I don't hit people! I don't hit Linda!"  
His eyes were wild and Nessa felt cold shards of fear stab at her insides. She felt behind her back for the doorknob. She touched it with one finger.  
One hand.

But Kip saw. "Don't you get away from me! I know you told the police! I know you did! I know it! Now they'll take me away and I don't want that!"  
He burst into tears. "Don't let them take me away!"

Nessa had turned the doorknob halfway round but she stopped. Seeing Kip howling on the floor flooded her mind with pity. She hated it. This monster... and she pitied him.  
But she stood her ground. "You deserve where you're going." She spat on the ground beside him, curling her lip in disgust. All pity had vanished in an instant. "I hope you fucking rot in prison. At least you won't hurt Linda there."

Kip stopped crying and looked up at Nessa. He began to smile.

..............

Audrey burst through the door. Her red hair flew behind her like kite strings. John jumped. "Christ almighty! You scared me to death."

She panted, hand on her chest. "J-John! John! Listen!"

John laughed. "Take your time!" He set down the paper he was reading and stood up.

"No!" Audrey took a deep breath. And she began to cry. Tears fell steadily down her face. "Oh, John!"

"Audrey?!" he said in disbelief. He sat her down at the kitchen table and handed her a tissue. "What's the matter?"

"Oh, John! It's..... Oh, Lord!"

"Tell me!" His heart started pounding. She looked so scared.

"It's Nessa! Oh, God have mercy. John, John! I'm so sorry, John!" she stammered, reaching for his hands. But they were limp in hers. "She's.... she's in hospital. I can't even bear to think.... John? John! Please look at me!"

John had seemed to shut down. He sank down heavily in another chair and began to tremble slightly, his eyes seeing nothing, his mind racing.

Nessa. My Nessa. My love... no, no, no, NO!

He snapped back to reality when Audrey slapped the side of his face lightly. "Concentrate!" She took a deep, steadying breath and seemed to calm her jabbering. "John. She's in good hands. You should go to her. She was asking for you."

But John was already out of the door.


	27. Confessions

The desk sergeant looked up and peered at the bedraggled young woman standing in front of him. "Name?" He was tired after a nine hour shift and he was watching the clock. Any time soon the day sergeant would take over his duties.

The young woman spoke. Her voice was muffled by the thick woollen scarf covering her mouth. A hood covered her head and the brown coat went right down to her knees. "M-my name is Linda. Linda Smith. I'd like to report something."

"Go ahead, go ahead," said the sergeant and began scribbling notes.

"Um. My boyfriend, Kip Andersson.... he just attacked my best friend." Her lower lip trembled. "He... He... Oh, my God..." She began to cry, her tears soaking into her scarf.

The sergeant suddenly remembered the name. The boy. That boy. He got up from his chair and came round to the front of his desk, offering the crying girl a tissue. She seemed so distraught that he couldn't bear to sit back and let her talk. "Harry?" he called to a passing officer. "Can you bring in DC McAllister? I think this was his case."

Harry nodded and knocked smartly on DC Dean McAllister's office door. There was no reply. He opened the door and peered inside. "He's out, sir."

"That's just fucking brilliant," sighed the sergeant and patted Linda awkwardly on the shoulder. "Where did this attack take place? Is anyone hurt? Have you called an ambulance?"

"Yes, she's been picked up," snivelled Linda. "Oh, God.... if I'd just told her the truth...."

"Where was the house?" asked the sergeant gently.

"27 Acre Drive. H-he left afterwards. I was hiding upstairs when I heard screaming." She screwed her eyes shut. "Poor girl.... I saw him leave. He went towards town. Along Queens Crescent."

"Linda? You've been very helpful," smiled the sergeant. "You called the ambulance and potentially saved a life."

Linda frowned. "I didn't call the ambulance. It was him. I heard him on the phone."

"The assailant called?"

"Yes."

The sergeant pulled thoughtfully at his moustache but let it go. The phone rang on his desk and he leaned over to pick it up. "Sergeant Woods. Yep?" He paused. "Really? Well, we have Linda Smith here. Yes. No. Oh? Right. I'll book the interview cell." He set down the receiver and regarded Linda with a grave expression lining his ageing face. "Looks like they've got Kip Andersson. DC McAllister - you remember him? He found him wandering around town."

.....................

Straightening his tie, DC McAllister walked into Interview Suite No.2. The two-way mirror blinked dully at him and he caught sight of Keiran Andersson first in it's smudged surface. When he saw him in the flesh he was met with a beaming grin. "Evening, detective."

"Interview at 14:58," said DC McAllister, switching on the tape recorder. "Keiran James Andersson. Accused of grievous bodily harm at 11:19 this morning - the 19th of September - to Nessa Jean Hargreaves. Do you deny these charges."

"No," replied Kip in a clear voice. He was still smiling. "How is she? Nessa?"

"Miss Hargreaves is in a stable condition at the Gloucester Hospital."

"Oh, good."

"Would you like to know what you did to her? The doctor gave me a full list," said DC McAllister with distaste burning on his tongue.

"There is no need, detective," said Kip with a wave of the hand. "Please carry on."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why did you attack Miss Hargreaves?" asked DC McAllister. Beads of sweat were forming on his forehead though Kip's stare was icy cold. His gaze burned like a laser through to the back of his skull.

"Ah, I've missed your questions," said Kip.

"Then answer them."

"My pleasure. Well, Nessa needed to be taught a lesson."

"A lesson?"

Kip nodded slowly. "A lesson. She.... annoyed me. She hated me. She always did."

"Do you know why that is?"

"Ha! How could anyone hate me?"

"I've got a few guesses," said DC McAllister acidly. "Did she do anything in particular?"

"Because of dear Nessa I'm stuck talking to you," Kip said with fire in his eyes. "Because of her I will never be looked up to again. She ratted me out to you pigs. I was nothing to her. Nothing."

The detective regarded Kip carefully and leaned forward in his chair. "Mr Andersson. Do you actually know who told us about your violence?"

"It was Nessa. She good as admitted it to me. When she was screaming...." he grinned.

Trying his best to control the sheer fury and anger boiling inside him, the detective shuffled a few sheets of paper. "Here. We have the full statement of Mr and Mrs Michael McMaster. I believe them to be the sister and brother-in-law of Miss Hargreaves. They contacted us a couple of months ago about your attitude and behaviour towards your girlfriend. They say they saw you slap her. Do you deny that?"

Kip's face had become ashen. He was no longer ghostly pale but grey and sickly looking. His gaze slowly lifted to meet the detectives. In a small voice he said "So it wasn't Nessa? Who told you about me? It was her sister.... and Michael...."

"Does that stir any regret in the black hole you call your heart?" spat the detective.

"None whatsoever."

.........................................

"Ten years," Audrey said as she set down the letter. "He gets ten years. He should be in for life, I tell you. What he did to Ness.... God. Sometimes you really do wish they kept the rope." The bitterness and fury in her voice shocked her.

"At least he's inside," replied Keith. "He's out of our lives for now. What was the conviction?"

"Domestic abuse, threatening behaviour and grievous bodily harm."

"Jesus," Keith sighed. "I can't believe he was that monster under our noses! I just wish I'd seen it earlier...."

"Oh, darling. It's not your fault," soothed Audrey, rubbing his shoulder. "He fooled us all."

"But Linda could have told us! That stupid, stupid girl...."

"She was being blackmailed, Keith, "said Audrey. "She couldn't do it. You know she couldn't."

He didn't look convinced but left the subject alone. "That boy should have got more convictions. After what we heard this morning.... Oh, that poor poor girl. I can't imagine how Nessa is feeling."

"Does John know?"

Keith managed a small smile. "He half killed a nurse for not letting him in! They managed to keep him out yesterday, God knows how. But he's allowed to visit this afternoon. He didn't want us to come with him." He sighed. "I suppose she'll tell him then. I just hope it doesn't finish him off."


	28. Lost

The flickering array of monitors and incessant beeping unnerved John as he made his way down the hospital corridor, escorted by one of the nurses. She was focused and businesslike, her hair pulled back in a tight bun, making her look permanently startled. However, the businesslike expression had softened a little when John had told her who he was here to see.

She had talked in hushed tones as they walked through the maze of wards, nodding at various different staff members she passed. John had enquired after Nessa's wellbeing and the nurse had elaborated, but very vaguely, saying that Nessa didn't want her to tell him. They were keeping Nessa in hospital for an additional few days to keep an eye on her.

Bruised ribs, internal bleeding from the stomach and a broken jaw.  
John had felt sick when he had heard this, fighting hard to keep the burning hatred for Nessa's assailant from boiling over.

They reached a small room with a closed door and drawn blinds. The nurse put her hand on the door. "She is rather emotional. And she is sleeping a lot due to the morphine we have administered. Don't mind if she is sharp with you. Or if she's woozy."

John nodded. "I'll be alright. I know both sides of Nessa!"

The nurse raised her eyebrows slightly and opened the door, revealing a darkened room with a single bed. John was ushered inside and the nurse closed the door. Lying on her back on the bed with her lovely hair spread over the pillows was Nessa. John felt a lump in his throat and shakily made his way over to her, sitting in one of the uncomfortable orange chairs beside the bed. Her eyes were closed, her eyelashes delicately resting on her pale cheeks. Her breathing was slow and steady, her chest rising and falling.

"Nessie?" called John softly, gently touching her hand. He cast his eyes over her body. Snow white bandages criss-crossed her abdomen and left arm and she had a neat line of stitches holding together a wound on her forehead. The electrocardiogram showed her steady heartbeat in moving waves and beeped softly with every beat. The room smelled of disinfectant and laundry, making John's head reel.

Suddenly, Nessa stirred, opening her beautiful green eyes. She turned her head to stare John directly in the eyes, wincing as she did so. "John? You came?!"

"Of course I did, darling," John replied, smoothing his fingers over her hand. The skin was cold to the touch. "Why wouldn't I? You gave me quite a scare."

"I'm sorry," Nessa couldn't help saying and smiled in embarrassment. Her voice was strained and rusty and she reached for a glass of water on the cabinet beside her bed. John gently batted her hand away and held the glass up to her lips, tilting her head for her to reach. She smiled at him gratefully and lay back on the pillows, closing her eyes.

"Don't go to sleep on me!" John laughed. "I've just got here!"

"I'm not," said Nessa. "I'm happy. You're here."

They said nothing for a few moments, John still holding Nessa's hand. The silence was comfortable but John was itching to say something. When he did, Nessa opened her eyes in surprise.

"Ness? What happened.... That night when I was, erm, coked up. I will never forgive myself."

"Not now, John. That's not important."

He ducked his head in shame. "Please. I need to say this. I promise I will never do anything of the sort again. I've changed, Ness." he swallowed, his voice thick with emotion. "You changed me."

Nessa pulled his hand to her lips and kissed the knuckles tenderly. "You worry too much, John. I've accepted your apology! You don't need to keep saying sorry. It's OK."

"But - "

"Nope!" she said. "Don't! I'm usually the one saying sorry and I've realised how annoying it can be!" They both laughed at themselves, glad to have a moment of hilarity in such a dramatic and serious situation.

Then Nessa looked very grave, hanging her head. "I... I should tell you something, John. But I can't."

"You know you can tell me anything, sweetheart. Please?"

Nessa then started weeping softly, tears running freely down her face. She let go of John's hand and buried her face in hers, trying to stifle her sobs. Great, heaving sobs that shook her shoulders. John could only watch in horror. He knew that what Kip had done was terrible, but clearly there was something deeper that had taken root.

"Oh, John!" Nessa cried, folding her arms over her stomach as if trying to hold herself together. "I've lost it!"

"You've lost what?" John said anxiously, his heart breaking as he watched his Nessa fall apart. To watch a loved one go through such pain was in some cases worse than going through it oneself.

"I lost it!" she kept repeating. It painfully reminded John of an individual suffering from some terrible psychological condition. Like the poor soldiers fighting in the Vietnam War back in the sixties: the stuttering, the shock. The incessant, repeating, manic phrases..... But these repetitions suddenly made sense when Nessa spoke two words, making John's lungs lose breath, his blood turn to ice.

"The baby."


	29. A Broken Girl

"What?" John felt as if no words came from his mouth. He felt completely detached from his own body. "You're pregnant?!"

Nessa only cried harder. "Was!"

"You lost it?!" John said, his voice flat. He couldn't think. He couldn't speak properly. He couldn't even fathom what was going on. It was as if he had just shut down completely.

"Stop repeating everything I say!" Nessa sobbed. "I lost it, yes!"

In an instant, John was up on the bed beside Nessa, his head leaning on her shoulder. Hers was buried in his neck and she was howling, her voice raw with emotion. John suddenly let the full weight of what Nessa had said sink in. And he began crying too. John didn't cry often, but with the full extent of what had unfolded, this was far too much for him. This was worse than breaking up with Maxene, worse than Keith Moon passing, worse than divorcing Alison... it felt as if his whole world had come crashing down.

"I'm so sorry, John!" Nessa wept pitifully, soaking his shirt with her tears. "I'm sorry!"

"What for?" choked John, unable to think how this had happened. He was losing his mind. His child? Dead? Before it could have been brought into the world? And he hadn't even known about it. He could no longer share Nessa's joy of conceiving their child, no longer build their life together around him or her. How could Nessa not have told him?

"Why didn't you tell me?" he demanded, hating himself instantly for the accusing tone.

"I was going to," she sobbed, "I was, I promise! I was waiting until I got back from getting my things. I only found out that morning! I'd never keep it from you. You really think I'd do that?" She sounded horrified."

"Of course not, darling," John said. He buried his face in Nessa's curly hair, the two of them overcome with grief. The hardships of the last few weeks suddenly dimmed in comparison to this one painful truth. To learn about bringing life into the world and then having it suddenly snatched back again.... there was no other feeling like it.

Calm at last, John still held Nessa to him, feeling her shoulders shake. She had stopped sobbing now and the wails were replaced with feeble whimpers like a wounded dog. It was stomach-churning. Real pain. Real grief. "Was it a boy or a girl?"

"Don't talk about it, please?" begged Nessa. "I can't bear it."

"Shh, sweetheart. It might help. Did you know?" John felt her shift slightly, hesitating. He pulled her onto his lap, stroking her hair. They clutched each other tightly. They couldn't bear to let go.

"No, it was too early to tell," Nessa sighed, smoothing her hand over her stomach. "Poor thing." She ducked her head, ready to cry again, but John kept her occupied.

"Did you want a son or a daughter?" he asked softly. "Christopher is a great lad, but I always longed for a daughter. I'd spoil her rotten!"

"I wanted a son. With your blue eyes.... curly hair...." she added wistfully, staring off into the distance. A single tear rolled down her cheek.

"Nessa. I.... I'm so sorry." It was all he could say. All he could do. That and hold her tightly, not having the slightest intention of letting go.

..........................................

"We thank you for you bravery, DC," said the Superintendent warmly. His moustache curled as he smiled and DC McAllister found himself feeling uneasy. It wasn't often that the Superintendent smiled. "Without your commitment, Keiran Andersson may have done worse."

"I only wish I'd got him sooner," said the detective. "Then that poor girl wouldn't have been injured."

The Superintendent shuffled his feet. "Well, yes. But even so, I would like to promote you to DCI."

"Detective Chief Inspector?" squeaked DC McAllister. He went red. "Oh, sir. I couldn't possibly... I mean, erm..."

"Stop babbling and accept!" said the Superintendent and clapped his colleague on the shoulder. "You deserve it."

Detective Chief Inspector Dean McAllister beamed with pride as his boss pinned a shining new badge to his lapel... but his smile soon faltered as he thought of the young lady lying in hospital. The guilt at not catching her assailant before ate at his heart. Gnawed and irritated it, and the feeling would never go away.

...............................

Nessa arrived at Quarwood four days later. Though she walked steadily enough, she felt hollow. Empty. Her grief rattled around inside her like a caged bird. The smooth concrete steps felt as if they were coated in broken glass as she ascended them. Everything - every noise, every breath she took, everywhere she looked - hurt. Hurt and burned with a vicious intensity. Yet she did not cry. Her eyes stayed open and her mouth stayed shut. She hadn't spoken in two days.

"Here we are!" said Keith and took his goddaughter by the hand to lead her through the huge oak doors. "Home at last. I'll get your things from the car."

Nessa looked around, pulling the thick grey cardigan tighter round her shoulders. Everything was as it should be: the towering ceiling, the stuffed fish bolted to the walls, the ornately carved bannisters.... the familiarity took her breath away. Home. Or was it? What was home anymore?

The sound of footsteps stirred her from her thoughts and Nessa looked up to see someone standing in the doorway to the living room. Linda.

"N-Nessa?!" she croaked and held out a trembling hand. Her eyes were red and puffy. She looked like she'd been crying for days. "Nessa?!" she repeated and stumbled forwards. Nessa caught her in her arms and half-dragged her, sobbing, into the living room. She gently pushed her into an armchair.

Linda howled, burying her face in her sleeve. "I-I-I'm so sorry, Ness! I'm so sorry! I-I'm s-so sorry!"

Staring at her, Nessa tried to feel something. Hate, love, regret, remorse, betrayal, understanding..... but nothing came. She just watched impassively while Linda cried her throat raw. Eventually the heaving sobs subsided and Linda turned to face Nessa. "H-how are you?"

Nessa shook her head.

"I understand... Well, I don't but... never mind," Linda sighed pityingly. "I'm just glad you're back." As Linda brushed her hair back, a line of stitches was exposed on her forehead. An angry red gash was held together by black threads just below her hairline and Nessa felt that familiar stab of white-hot fury. 

Linda saw her looking and shrugged. "I thought I could put up with it. Just until I knew you were safe with John. But what he did.... Oh, I never imagined. Please talk to me, Nessa?!" she added. She was almost pleading, her eyes wide and shimmering with tears.

"I... I don't know what t-to say," whispered Nessa. She felt like she'd had to learn to speak all over again. 

"'Fuck you, Linda' would be nice," muttered Linda. "I deserve all the hate you feel for me."

"Why d-didn't you s-say anything?"

The dim afternoon light was harsh and revealed Linda's physical state. Her cheekbones were alarmingly sharp, protruding from her face. Her eyes had sunken into their sockets and were ringed with black. She looked like she hadn't eaten or slept in weeks. A broken girl.

"I hate saying this as it makes me feel like I'm making excuses. But... K-Kip was blackmailing me."

Nessa frowned. "H-how?" She cursed internally. After what had happened over the last few days had left her with a stutter - minor post traumatic stress disorder, they said. The doctors and psychiatrists had done their best but now she could barely struggle through a sentence. And still their words tore holes in her heart: It could have been a lot worse... How could it be any worse? "How was he blackmailing you?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Y-Yes i-it does!"

Linda regarded her best friend, trying to see past the bruises and scars obscuring her features. "He said that if I told the police he'd go after you. And John. And I couldn't let that happen." She swallowed, seeing Nessa's face drain of colour. "So I stayed with him. When I told you he'd been hurting me - in London? - I knew he'd do something and I had to go back. I'm so sorry for then.... I feel terrible! I hate myself so much. So much." She breathed hard. Then she hid her face in her hands. "He knew you were pregnant. He knew."

"Did you?"

She nodded slowly. "Only because he told me. I wasn't sure if it was true but I'd never seen him so excited... it's disgusting." She screwed her eyes shut. "He threatened to tell the press. Got in touch with Maxene about it and -"

"M-Maxene?"

"Yeah. She knows and I'm certain she's told the papers.... I'm so so sorry. I feel like I'm not a human being. I should have tried harder to get away, I should have done something... But I didn't and now this has happened and you... you lost.... Oh, Nessa!" She burst into fresh floods of tears and this time Nessa rose from her chair. She held Linda tight and after a few moments, all the pain and grief she'd been withholding escaped. Nessa began to cry.


	30. Goodbye, I Love You

Nessa waved her hand dismissively as Elizabeth walked towards her with open arms. "I-It's fine," she said as tears filled her sister's eyes. She couldn't bear the pity and sympathy. It made her feel weak.

Liz sniffed and looked up at Michael who stood beside her. "I know we can't say much to help... but I love you, Ness."

"Wow," said Nessa bitterly. "Th-that's a new one." But she nodded. "Thanks."

"We wanted to let you know that we're dreadfully sorry for your loss," said Michael. "This should never have happened to you. We told the police about Kip, not you."

"Then why d-didn't you tell me?" Nessa asked, fire in her eyes. She glared at Liz who stared a little to long at her face. Nessa's right eye drooped noticeably where she'd been kicked and her forehead still was emblazoned with an ugly red scar. She avoided mirrors these days.

"We didn't want Kip to take it out on you because of us," Liz whispered.

"But he did!" Nessa hissed. "Because he thought it was me! When did you tell them anyway? Why did you report him?" 

Michael looked at his wife and nodded. "We... we told them three months ago. That day when we told you about the wedding? We saw him slap Linda and held him back when you two left. Threatened to tell you about it.... I never thought he'd go for you. You'd think he was smart enough to work out it was us!"

Nessa pulled her hair further around her face in a feeble attempt to hide her scars. Those scars would heal. Others wouldn't. "Well. Thanks f-for telling them, I suppose. They g-got him in the end."

"Where's John?" asked Liz.

"He's coming back later," Nessa whispered. "H-He cancelled the tour... the Who aren't going anymore."

"Wow. That's big of him," said Michael, smiling. "He's a good guy." Then he frowned. "Actually, Nessa. We wanted to ask you something..." He fidgeted, looking unnaturally nervous. "Liz? You want to say it?"

Liz looked at her younger sister with wide eyes. She stepped forward, taking Nessa's hands in hers. Nessa didn't pull away. "We want you to come and live with us at home. For a little while or however long you like. I... We thought it'd be good to get away for a bit. To recover."

"You mean leave Quarwood? Leave John?" Nessa whispered.

................................ 

He arrived at four on the dot, his blue Cuban heeled boots crunching on the gravel. He wore a scarlet shirt under a jet black blazer with jeans and Nessa felt her breathing hitch. Oh, John.... His eyes softened as he saw her and held out his hands. She immediately reciprocated and pulled him closer against her. His warmth soothed her and she blinked back tears. The last time I'll see him, perhaps....

"What's going on?" he asked as he watched Keith load suitcases into the back of the car. "Are you leaving?" He stared at her, the truth sinking in. "You're leaving?"

"I have to," said Nessa tearfully, covering her drooping eye with one hand. "I h-have to."

"Why do you have to?" John demanded. "Stay with me. Please."

"I-I can't..."

"After all we've been through," he murmured into her hair.

Nessa feared that if she looked him in the eye she'd obey him. She'd stay here forever. Stay here with him and love him. Stay here with all the terrible memories... the pain, the sadness.... "John, please. I need to leave. I c-can't stay here. Look at me! I'm d-disfigured and I can't fucking s-speak properly.... I need to leave!"

John pulled back to gaze into her face, wiping away her tears with his thumbs. "Do you think I care what you look like?" he said gently but firmly. "You could look like Roger and I'd still keep you here!"

She tried to laugh but the tears kept falling and his attempt to cheer her up only made her cry harder. "I'm v-visiting... living with my sister and Michael. Up in their house in Scotland."

"For how long?" John asked, his heart shattering into a million pieces.

"I d-don't know. Maybe a month, m-maybe a year...." she said vaguely. "All I know is that staying h-here will kill me. There are too many memories."

"But..." John whispered. For the first time in his life - maybe the second, counting when Nessa was in hospital - John felt weak. Felt hopeless and weak. He'd had all he wanted his whole life: money, fame, women, drugs, alcohol, cars..... but now the thing that he wanted most and needed most was leaving him. It tore him apart. "You can't leave me!"

"John -"

"You can't!" he cried, pressing her close to him. Unashamed of his tears, he sobbed openly into Nessa's shoulder. "Please! I love you!" He went on crying for several minutes and Keith pretended not to look as he ferried Nessa's belongings back and forth to the car. When John finally wiped his eyes, he had an intent expression on his face. "I'm coming with you."

"You can't."

"Why not?!"

"B-because I need to g-get away from you!" Nessa said angrily. "There are t-too many memories here and if I s-see you anymore I fear I won't be able to c-cope." She breathed deeply, trying not to cry again. "John. Please understand. I have to go. I need some time away."

John knew he had lost and he felt a strange hollow emptiness inside of him. Gazing at the young woman he loved, he took her hand in both of his. "If you need to go... but I'm always here. I always will be. Promise me, Nessa. Promise me you'll come back." He was pleading.

"John-"

"No!" He set a finger against her lips to silence her. "Do this for me, please. I love you, Nessa. I love you and I don't want you away forever. I'll fucking die if you do. Promise me you'll come back?"

Her eyes shimmering with tears, Nessa leaned forward and kissed John on the lips one last time. "Yes, John. I promise."

............................................

It was hard letting go of her hand. And even harder watching her climb into the back of Keith's car. Hard to watch her gently wave Lyle's paw at Flynn who sat whimpering at his master's heels. Hard to hear the harsh crunch of gravel as the car rumbled away down the drive, seeing her beautiful face staring back at him with a small smile upon it.

The hardest part: the aching, throbbing pain in his heart that would never go away.


	31. Tears of Joy

Spring 1985

The evening air was crisp and cold: unnatural for April. Dew glittered like jewels on the grass and the sun shone bleakly through the clouds.  
John rubbed his hands together and watched his breath turn to steam in front of his face. Loyal as ever, Flynn sat at his heels.

He watched the car slowly rumble through the ornate iron gates and heard the crunch of tyres on gravel. The windows were tinted and he couldn't see in, though he know full well who was in there. Coming to a stop in front of the house, the car fell silent as the engine was cancelled and the driver's door opened.   
"John!"   
Keith Altham walked towards his old friend with his arms outstretched and John happily embraced him.  
"How are you, Keith?"

"I am very well," he said, beaming. "It's good to see you again."

"Same to you."

"Quarwood looking fine as ever, I see," said Keith and gazed appreciatively up at the stone turrets.

"Still not fallen down!"

"England will fall if that happens!"

John smiled. "I've missed you driving my car."

"I'm always around when you need me. I've just been busy!" He glanced quickly at the car. "With my granddaughter! Well... grand-goddaughter!"

John's heart was in his mouth as the car door opened and a woman stopped out. She was tall with dark hair tied back into a ponytail, stray curls escaping around her ears. She was dressed in a navy blue blouse and a deep black skirt, a baby riding on her hip.  
A baby?  
The baby looked around a year old with downy fair hair like spun gold and large, innocent eyes. Its eyes fixed on John as its mother walked up to him.  
"Hello, John."

John couldn't speak. His throat felt like sandpaper.   
The woman smiled and tilted her head to the side. "Usually it was m-me who was shy. You've changed!"

"How's Molly, dear?" asked Keith and tickled the baby under her chin. She giggled.

"B-bit car sick with your driving!"

"How dare you!" Keith laughed. He looked back at the car. "Oh, give me a second. I forgot something." He dashed back and began rooting around in the backseat.

"It's been a l-long time, John," said Nessa softly as she looked up at her former lover. "I've missed you so much."

John finally found his voice, refusing to take his eyes of Nessa. How she'd grown.... grown so beautiful. "You... you have a daughter?"

"Yes. This i-is Molly," she smiled and gazed lovingly down at the baby. Molly seemed to smile back at her, blue eyes bright as cornflowers.

"W-who? Who's her father?"

Nessa looked at him sharply. "That's none of your business." But she nodded. "Jack Layton."

"My Jack?"

"Jack the gardener," nodded Nessa, smiling weakly. "I was with him f-for a while but he's gone now. We s-split up."

John felt a familiar urge to comfort her. She looked devastated. "I'm so sorry, Nessa."

"It's alright," she whispered. She was close to tears. "Life goes on."

"And... and I'm so glad you managed to have a baby," said John uncomfortably, gesturing to little Molly. Looking more closely she looked exactly like her mother.

Nessa smiled weakly. "I d-didn't know what to do at first! It was so s-sudden. Jack and I had spilt by then so it was hard to... to love her."

"Oh, Nessa."

She sniffed, reminding John of the young lady he knew five years ago. Though she looked older and more mature, even more beautiful, she was still his Nessa. Her right eye still drooped but John didn't care. She was still his Nessa.

"But I d-don't know how I'd live without her now."

"I wish I could have given you children," John blurted out, hating himself instantly and regretting he even opened his mouth, his statement sounding needy and childish.

But Nessa didn't bat an eyelid. "We did, John. Evelyn."  
Both their minds went back to that devastating afternoon at the hospital five years ago.

"What would you name her?"  
"Her?" sniffed Nessa.  
"I always longed for a daughter and I always imagined our child as a girl."  
"So did I..."  
"I like Olivia and Rosie. Or Evelyn." John said, smiling wistfully at the thought.  
Nessa looked up at him and to his amazement she was smiling too.   
"Evelyn is a beautiful name."

"But-" John began but Nessa shook her head fervently.

"No. Please. Don't spoil it." She was on the edge of falling apart and John couldn't bear to see that happen. So he shut his mouth, soon seeing why Nessa refused to acknowledge that their once two month old baby, still only a foetus, still inside its mother, had died.

Molly woke up and began to cry pitifully and Nessa cradled her closer to her breast, patting her back gently. "Shh, darling. It's your John. The one I t-told you about."

"Nessa please." John felt his eyes pricking with tears.

"Hold her."

"I can't!"

"Yes you can." She gently but firmly settled Molly in John's arms. Molly wailed in anguish, blinked her blue eyes and went straight back to sleep.  
"She loves you a-already."

An almost fatherly instinct kicked in and John held Molly closer. "She looks just like you, Nessa."

"Is that a good thing?!"

"Maybe!"

Nessa laughed and the sound was like music to John's ears. "Still you. I-I was worried you'd changed beyond what I remembered."

"I'm still your John."

"And y-you always will be."

They looked at each other for a moment. It was a peaceful moment of mutual understanding and the rest of the world seemed to fall away.  
"Why did you split up with Jack?" asked John finally.

Nessa sighed. "It wasn't good between us e-even from the start. He knew I still loved you and he tried to make me m-move on. But I could never move on." She looked at him with such tender affection that even a blind man could see it.

"Do you still love me?" choked John.

"Of course I do."

"Don't lie to me, Nessa. Don't joke. Do you love me?" He sounded almost pleading.

With all the grace of an angel, Nessa moved up to stand in front of him. She gently laid her hand against the side of his face. "Yes. I do."

"Jack was a fool to treat you that way," John said a moment later after he kissed her. "I just wish I'd been a better person." Kissing her again was like touching heaven.

"You were e-everything I wanted."

"I'm wasn't. And I'll never be."

"John Entwistle," Nessa grinned. "You are the b-best man I've ever known and you always will be. You're not perfect, I'll give you that, but you m-mean more to me than just about anyone." She kissed little Molly's cheek who was still fast asleep in John's arms.

"I was always fond of your speeches, Nessa."

"Get used to it!" she grinned. "As you're going to be s-seeing a lot more of me. If you'd like."

"What?"

She nodded over at Keith who was sat in the front seat of the car, reading a newspaper. "Keith may as well get back to chauffeuring y-you around as I'm not going anywhere."

"Y-you're staying?"

"If you'll have me."

"You and Molly," he said, his voice thick with emotion as he pulled Nessa into a hug.  
"Oh, please stay with me. I love you so much, my Nessa. I love you." He buried his face into her neck and began to sob loudly. The relief and happiness that flooded his body was overwhelming and this seemed to make him weep harder.  
Tears of joy.

"Can Lyle stay too?" grinned Nessa.


End file.
